Sick as a Dog, who is sick and not healthy

Hey Friends!

Just in case you were worried about me, because of my last update, I want to assure you that I am in fact now fine, well I’m better, and that’s really all you can ask for isn’t it? Sorry for being so erratic in my updating lately, I have honestly been very busy and now I am so sick I have hardly felt like doing anything, let alone leading worship, which is what I had to do this morning. It was quite the experience, I really felt like crap (whoa did I put that in past tense?, cause I still feel like crap!) my chest is sore from all the coughing, and my throat is sore and my head is so stuffed up. Anyway I got all drugged up, went to church and prayed with the team and got up and did it. It was my prayer that God would be at work and that people would be able to worship despite how horrible I sounded and so on, that I would be able to lead and actually worship myself without being so concerned with how I sounded. “Not to Us, but to your name be the Glory”. Anyway, we lead and I did my best, screwed up a few times, but it wasn’t too bad, and my voice gave out once, but it still was ok, I was definitely able to worship myself. Then afterward people were talking to me about how good it sounded and how I really lead well and people really were able to worship. This is not to toot my own horn, but to say that God worked this morning; he took my sick, tired body and used it for his glory despite all of my deficiencies, which was great.

After Church, I came home to find my home deserted of both humans and food. So I went to the next best place, Subway. I saw a trio of ladies that I see there every week on Sundays, and said Hello, though I can never remember any of their names. I ordered my sandwich and they invited me to sit and have lunch with them, and since I was alone, I said sure, even though I couldn’t remember their names. In case you were wondering, I got a Chicken Bacon Ranch Sub, and if that doesn’t make you hungry I don’t know what will. So I sat down and we were chatting like old friends, it was really cool actually. Two of the girls are my age, and then the other lady was the mom of one of the girls. We sat for like 45 minutes eating and talking about movies and my life and so on, and it was really cool. I laughed a whole lot, which was good because I have heard that laughter is the best medicine, but I would venture to say that actually Bon Jovi is the best medicine.

So now I am home and I am going to write a couple emails and I’m going to work on my sermon, which I am preaching on March 6th in case you want to come watch and listen. I don’t feel like working on it, but I really need to, I’m behind where I want to be at this point so I need to put some time in, I will probably continue working on it tonight after our church missionary service tonight. You should come check it out, especially if you live in the Edmonton area, and if you live in Calgary and you came, man, you would be some friend! But that’s about it.

The song of the day is “All the right Reasons” by the Jayhawks. The Jayhawks are a great little band who I discovered last year, through their epic album “Rainy Day Music”. Ok, so the album isn’t exactly epic, but it’s really good. When I first got the album I was captivated by the song “All the right reasons”. The song talks about being the life giving power of love and romance and how when you find that love you lose your sense of time and being and it is something that consumes you fully. It also seems to imply a lost love as well, or a relationship not really working out for whatever reason, and that the songwriter will always love the women. When I first heard that song I understood what he meant, I was really into that song. Then I went for a while without listening to The Jayhawks, but then for the last two days I have been spinning that CD and been rediscovering and enjoying it immensely, so I thought I would share that with you. If you have the desire or the means you should check this song out. (Also, i was just listening to 99.3 the Fox, a Vancouver based rock and roll radio station and they played "Daddy's getting Married by Bif Naked. Now, to be honest, it's very rare that i would endorse anything by Bif Naked, but this was her first big single and it's actually pretty good, so if you want you can check that song out as well. It's a good song, about how she felt when her dad remarried, pretty emotinal, good song.)

Anyway, have a great day, watch the Oscars, talk to someone you love and be happy.

These things happen

Something’s Missing – John Mayer “I'm not alone, I wish I was. Cause then I'd know, I was down because I couldn't find, a friend around To love me like, they do right now. They do right now. I'm dizzy from the shopping malls I searched for joy, but I bought it all It doesn't help the hunger pains and a thirst I'd have to drown first to ever satiate Something's missing And I don't know how to fix it something's missing And I don't know what it is At all When autumn comes, it doesnt ask. It just walks in, where it left you last. And you never know, when it starts Until there's fog inside the glass around your summer heart: Something's missing And I don't know how to fix it something's missing And I don't know what it is At all I can't be sure that this state of mind, is not of my own design I wish there was an over the counter test, for loneliness.For loneliness like this. Something's missing And I don't know how to fix it Something's missing And I don't know what it is No I don't know what it is Something's different And i don't know what it is No I don't know what it is Friends -check- Money -check-A well slept -check- Opposite sex -check- Guitar -check- Microphone -check- Messages waiting for me, when i come home-check- How come everything I think I need, always comes with batteries What do you think it means How come everything I think I need, always comes with batteries What do you think it means” Hi Friends. I am feeling not so great today, I considered not writing anything at all, but then, this song came on and I was like. Yeah, that’s what I’m talking about! So I decided to post the lyrics of this song by John Mayer. I feel out of sorts, exactly how he describes it ‘Something’s missing” I don’t know what it is today. Although he has more on his checklist then I do, but that’s nothing new, I can’t remember the last time I had a guitar or a microphone and so on. I don’t want to be here at work, I’m not getting any work done anyway, it seems to be the story of my life this week. What’s wrong with me?

Eddie Vedder and I are still alive, but Pauly Shore is dead!

Hello my friends. I must offer my apologies for my lack of blogging recently, between my trip to Calgary, my youth ski trip, my tip to Edmonton to help my uncle move his mother in law, and the return of the children of the family I live with, I have had very little time to sit and collect my thoughts, and more importantly, to write them out for you! The last week and a half has honestly been a blur, I am only now starting to recover from the long days and sleepless nights that have been crippling me since I left Vermilion to go to Calgary. Just in case you were wondering, I did have a great time in Calgary. I enjoyed my class, learned some things, and was able to see many of my Calgary friends, which was more then nice. I even met some new people, which was strange but great all at the same time. During my time in Calgary I viewed two films, which is the thrust of what I want to talk about today. I say first “The Notebook”, which was a nice, cutesy movie, that was extremely predictable, and if I had the choice I wouldn’t watch it again. There was one moment that was really sad, but I was able to contain myself and not break down and cry. The second film I watched was “Spanglish”. Monica and I went to see it in the cheap theater up in the North Eastern Quadrant of Calgary, and I was shocked to see the admission price had gone up two dollars. I was shocked and appalled. Anyway, we were a little late, and we missed the first five minutes, but I don’t think we missed much. Even if we did, it was an amazing movie. Now, this was a bloody tear jerker, more then once I had to put my hand up at the side of my face so Monica wouldn’t see the tears streaming down my face. There are some seriously emotional moments in that film, and I would recommend it to anyone! So here is my question, if you have ever watched even a remotely sad movie with me, or if you watched a movie that is not remotely sad (Cheaper by the Dozen) with me, chances are you have seen me cry. It all started last year at school. Before last year, there was only one film that could make me cry and it was “The Patriot” starring Mel Gibson. You know the part when his little daughter comes running back to him “Daddy, I’ll say anything, I’ll say anything!” and so on, well that kills me, it always has, that was for a long time, the first and only movie able to evoke a tearful emotion out of me. Then last year, perhaps during reading week, but I think it was earlier, I began watching movies. I watched movies that were sad. I didn’t do this intentionally, but it seemed every movie that I watched (Dad, Sam I am, Forrest Gump, and like six others that I can’t remember) had my lying alone in my apartment, weeping like a women! I can’t explain it, it’s like years of pent up emotion just came flowing out and I couldn’t turn off the floodgates. Now why would I admit something like this? Am I confused about my sexuality? No. Am I trying to pick up a girlfriend by appealing to their sensitive side? Well, no, but if you want to talk about it, I’m always open to new ideas! Am I simply trying to admit that I am not the big man that I have always made myself out to be? No. What I am getting at is, it seems like I have these emotions only for silly things like movies and one or two songs. I’ve never had anyone close to me die, so I havn’t had a chance to weep for that, I seriously don’t cry over much, I don’t weep when I think about what Christ did for me and how much he loves me, I have not wept over a teenager in my ministry yet (although I came close!), it’s like the only time I cry is while watching movies, and I wonder if that is messed up? Am I only affected by things that aren’t real? Am I cold and emotionless towards the real world and the pain and suffering contained within? I don’t know, I was just thinking about this the other day, and it seemed strange to me. What do you think? Do I need councelling? Anyway, today’s song of the day is “Alive” by Pearl Jam. The chorus reminds everyone who is listening to the song that “I’m still alive” and that is the sentiment I want to pass on to you, my readers because I haven’t updated in a very long time. It’s also a really great song, if you like early nineties grunge rock. This is one of the anthems from that era, and it is a classic song by Pearl Jam, one of their bests. Anyway, I think I hear Kyle coming in so I am going to end now, before he sees me doing this at work. If you have the means and or the desire, check out this song, it’s a lovely one. Oh, wait, please let the record show that despite alive being one of Pearl Jam's best songs, thier actual best song is "Black", and you might as well check that one out too if you have the time. Peace out my friends, I love you all! Ps. I forgot to talk about leadership, oh well, you will have to wait to hear about that. Also, seriously, I cried more in Spanglish that I have ever cried in any movie! It was so intense, it is really good, you should all watch it. Maybe we’ll have a guys night and watch it without any girls around and all sit there bawling our eyes out! Sounds like a real macho night to me!

Marching to the beat of my own drum?

Hello Again, from my loving Oasis here in Calgary Alberta Canada. I have just finished class for the day and thought i would come down to the sixth floor computer lab and share with you my day's events and thoughts. So i woke up this morning, class wasn't beginning till 10am, so i woke up at 8:30am, and i was still quite tired. So tired in fact that while in the shower i washed my hair with body wash. I don't know if i will be damaged by this in anyway, but my hair doesn't smell all that good now, it's like a combination of Adidas Body Wash with imitation pert plus. I was not impressed.

Right now i just need to say that a certain freshman from last year from america is sitting behind me in the computer lab listening to loud, and obtrusive langauge and making assanine comments. I want to go smack him around, but it wouldn't be very nice. Besides i told Matt Russell that i love people from NUC and if i smacked him, i would be a liar.

So my day continued into the classroom where i continued to learn much from Terry Fach, who is a pastor of a Nazerene Church and just a great guy in general. I have really enjoyed the way the class discussions have not been abstract, the way i thought they would be, but they have been pertinant, and very much connected to our faith and to the body of Christ and so on. Very cool for me!

Terry made several interesting and thought provoking statements today, but only one of them have i chosen to comment on here today. I don't even remember the context in which this statement was said, but it got me thinking for some reason. We've all heard the phrase "Marching to the beat of a differant drummer", but Terry phrased it as "Marching to the beat of my own drum". This idea captivated me for the few seconds that i could allow between note taking. I thought about how much i take pride in being differant then other people. I like to read cutting edge books (although much of what i read is becoming trendy), i like music that is not christian, i don't know, those aren't good examples, but i try to be counter cultural in my thought and actions even if it is sometimes because i like to piss people off. Regardless, i enjoy being differant. (Writing that statement makes me realize what a conformist i actually am! Damn! I hate my conformatism!) Anyway, back to what i was trying to say, I like to be differant for whatever reason, at whatever point in time, i try and not be like everyone else. Anyway, this idea got me thinking about it in relation to my faith. In being a Christian, we are supposed to be like Christ. As we grow and mature, and allow the spirit to mold us, we are changing, becoming like someone else. But it's also more then that, as part of Christ's body (the church) we are as a community of believers supposed to be growing together and moving outward sharing the love of Christ and the truth about Christ. So in some ways, i feel there is an aspect of conformity. We are following someone, we are becoming more like someone, and so on, but this is not a conformity that is forced. We choose to follow Christ, we are compelled by his love, by his grace and forgiveness and so on. As a Christian, we make a choice, so, in so much as we are becoming more like Christ, it is not forced, we choose it. Also, there is part of it that is not conformist. We remain still the unique individuals that Christ made us to be. We don't have to change the details about us that make us who we are. I don't have to stop loving music because now i am like Christ, and maybe Christ didn't like music (i think he did though). Tim Houghton doesn't have to stop expressing himself through taking pictures just because Christ didn't take pictures. You get the idea? We remain individuals and unique despite our desire to conform to the life and love of Christ. Also the teachings of Christ are very much counter-cultural. I hate this saying, but Jesus is the ultimate rebel, ok, maybe not, but Jesus was differant, he didn't keep on with everything just because that's how it had been done for all those years before. Jesus showed us a new way to live, a new way to interact and love other people, and a new way to experiance God. So even though there is an aspect of conformity, there is still more counter-cultural and non-conformist ideas connected with having a relationship with Christ. Well, i hope you weren't waiting for some huge, new revelation, cause i don't have one. Thats pretty much all i wanted to say...

Song of the Day: You wanna hear something wierd? For the last week i have had the stupidist song in my head. Chop Seuy by System of a Down. It's a funny song in that it asks the question "Why'd you leave the ketchup on the table", but it's also a very anti-god/christ/christianity song, with such statements as "Trust in my self righteous sucicde" in referance to Christ, and so on, so it isn't the song of the day, but i figured if i talked about it, it might get out of my head. The actual song of the day is by the wallflowers. I was thinking about the wallflowers recently, and how great they are, and how i associate people with thier music and general existance. Anyway, the song that i am going to hightlight here today is "6th Avenue Heartache". I know it's cliche, though not as cliche as "One Headlight", but it is truly a great song and worth encouraging you to listen to here on my sight. There was a time in my life when i equated this song to be more about relationships, but now i see it as more about a picture of a life, a moment, a situation and then Jakob Dylan just describes and sings it beautifully. (with a little help of course from Adam Duritz) Anyway, it's a great song, and if you have the means and or the desire you should check it out, you can't be disappointed by this song, if you are, you must be drunk, or high, or deaf or something. Anyway's i'm gonna jet, i'm supposed to call Monica, so i guess i will

ps. stay tuned for further developments on this presidant thing. Met with Wendy and Anthony this week. Very interesting...

Master Yee's Noodle Wrap

Greetings from Calgary! I want you to know that at this moment i am typing with one hand because in my other hand is a popsicle, which i am almost finished eating. Now i am finished eating it and it was bloody glorious. So yes, you did read that correctly when i said greetings from Calgary, and indeed currently in the city that i love (props to the disciple that Jesus loved), and if you didn't know i am taking a class so that i can try and graduate next year! I am taking a class called "World Views" and it is about philosophy and the history of differant world views. I am really enjoying it so far, despite the fact that i am so incredible fatigued from all the visiting and staying up late and getting up early that i have been doing. Oh crap, i just realized i havn't yet done the reading that is due for tomorrow morning. Stupid me, always putting relationships before schoolwork. Oh well, i still plan on passing this by a wide margin, after all, the first assignment due is a critical book review of Brian McLaren's gem of a book "A Generous Orthodoxy". Is this class for me or what!?

I got to Calgary on Sunday Night, and made it here safely despite having to drive through a difficult and scary snowstorm about 75km from Calgary. It slowed my progress heavily and caused me to consider my last wished as i thought for sure that i would not survive. There were minor accidents and cars in the ditch all over the place, traffic at one point was totally stopped and even when it started again i didn't go much faster then 25km an hour through the storm. It sucked, but i wanted to be safe. While i drove i listened to Jars of Clay, David Crowder Band and Jimmy Eat World. When i got to Calgary i told people that God, Jars of Clay, David Crowder Band and Jimmy Eat World got me there safely. One of my friends (Tim Houghton) burst out laughing, imagining those bands out helping push my car. It was a very funny moment for all involved.

Other then my many hours a day spent learning about philosophy. i have been visiting many many friends. For instance, on this night, i spent it with friends, mostly from my freshman year, and a couple who were there my second year. It was keen to get together and catch up, and reminisce a bit. To be honest, i don't remember the last time that i laughed as much as i did tonight. It was generally good times, although it did feel weird to be back in that setting, weird in a good way though. There was much laughter, some tears (of laughter), some awkward moments (it wouldn't be CBC if there wasn't awkward) and much good times overall. It was really good for me, i don't know what else to say, i had a great time.

Last night i went to a pentecostal worship service that is very popular. I am generally turned off by these types of things, but i wanted to check it out, so i went and i did my very best to engage and hear from God. I was able to do this through the music. Then the speaker came. No sorry, then two offerings seperated by announcements came, then the speaker came, and this is where i didn't appreciate things. I don't want to get into all the things he said right now, because i am tired and must sleep, but i will say that i disagreed with what he said because it was untrue, i didn't like it because he tried to guilt us into believing what he believes by using shocking statistics (i hate statistics when used in an guilt inducing way) i didn't like it because he kept devaluing himself and his own credibility, and i didn't like it because he just seemed like a general jackass. Oh yeah, then there was the whole tongues without interpretation. But anyway, i really tried to gain something from this experiance with the pentecostals, and i still might, but the evening was hugly overshadowed by an unfavourable speaker.

Then i watched the Notebook. It was ok, and i didn't cry, though i was close at one point.

Whoa, song of the day, i never even thought about this, but now it's time. So, while visiting Jeanne, we listened to and compared our mutual enjoyment for Blink 182's self titled album. One song that we both really loved is called "All of this" and she told me it is done with the Cure, which is really cool. It's kind of a messed up song lyrically speaking, but it's also still really good. Blink's actual vocal performance is always stellar and this song is now differant. Anyway, i am really tired, this song is great, if you have the means or desire, you should check it out.

My First RA and his Favorite Topic

Hello, Hello (Ola). How are you doing today? I am doing well. I slept at a friend’s house last night, we hung out, we played PS2, we listened to music, we hot tubbed while listening to music, we chatted more, and then we slept. It was an intense evening, especially since it was preceded by an exhausting, but awesome night of youth. Are you familiar with the board game “The Game of Life”? Well, our youth event was a giant sized version of that game, and it was spectacularly fun. We had I would say 10-15 new people come out, it was our biggest event of the year, and it was just so good to see so many new people there, and then talk to them after and hear how much they enjoyed the time, and how they will be coming back for the next one. It was a very encouraging night. Following the game, we had a girl from our youth group share her testimony. This was a big moment for her, because she lost her mother just before Christmas. God worked powerfully in and through this girl as she shared with all the teens what her relationship with God means to her and how he has worked in her life. It was awesome! Then I had to follow that up with a quick little talk, which I felt also went really well. I talked about “The Game of Life” and the idea that he who dies with the most toys wins. Basically it was about materialism and how God gives us a better purpose in this life then just getting stuff and doing stuff. It went well; I felt good giving the talk. I feel good now listening to U2.

Today has been a good day as well; I have been preparing for my trip to Calgary tomorrow, doing laundry, collecting registrations and money for Youth Conference, watching “The Wedding Singer” and so on. Yesterday before the youth event, I spent mostly in Lloydminster getting ripped off by Canadian Tire. It was a very long day in that I was there early and spent most of my day waiting for them to fix my car. Anyway, it was just a frustrating time; automobile problems seem to frustrate me more then anything else in the world. Ok, probably not more then anything else in the world, but it is up there!

Unfortunately I haven’t had my mind blown intellectually lately, so I have nothing to shocking to say. I have been re-reading “A New Kind of Christian”, which is a book I read a long time ago, and I could go into the author’s suggestion about what Hell is, but that would spark more discussion then I am willing to indulge myself in at this point. Besides for some people this issue is a horse that has been beaten to death, whereas, it is only just beginning to seriously permeate my thoughts. I am also reading a book by a Pastor from Texas named Kyle Lake. The book is called “Understanding God’s Will: How to Hack the Equation without Formulas”. So far it has been cool, he has been unpacking myths about God and God’s will. This is a really big issue for many of the teens that I minister to here in Vermilion. This understanding of God’s will as some giant Blue Print that we have no choice but to follow. This idea that everything that happens in our life being God’s will, and I just don’t agree with that. I don’t believe that God desires us to be hurt and go through some of the horrible things that we go through in our lives. I don’t believe God wanted the girl in my youth group’s mother to die, especially when it seemed pretty clear that she didn’t follow Christ. Do I believe that God can use these events for good, do I believe that these painful things shape us? Yes I do, but at this point in my life, and despite knowing that God told us that we WOULD suffer, I don’t believe that it is some plan he has for us. I don’t imagine God sitting up watching our lives like a giant board game mapping out our every move, painful and not painful. I believe that he knows everything, but I don’t believe that he is imposing some sort of will on our life. It conflicts with my belief and understanding of something called Free Will. After un-packaging some myths about God’s will, he begins to discuss some alternatives to these myths and so on. Ways that we can live our lives, ways that we can view our relationship with God, in relation to this big mystery that we call “God’s Will”.
One thing that I like that he has said so far is this: “If being an apprentice of Jesus is the central defining aspect of our lives, then God’s will and the process of discerning God’s will MUST BE just one aspect of our apprenticeship, rather then the end goal of life”. That to me is huge. So many people spend their lives trying to find this magical thing called God’s will that they miss out on a real relationship with him, because they are so busy trying to get answers from him, that they don’t actually get to know him, and they miss out on living a life on earth, in relationship with Christ, and all of the people and things that God has put around us here. What do you think?

The song of the day: Today I am featuring U2 again, I know I have already featured U2, and I have even featured a song from this same album, but I can’t help it, it is speaking to me today. It is resonating with my heart and soul, it is meeting me in my hopes and my fears, my happiness and my shame. The only problem is picking one individual song to highlight. I believe I will illuminate for you the song known as “Miracle Drug”. When I first got the album, this was initially my favorite song. It has since become, not my favorite song on the album, which is not to say that I don’t like it anymore, just that there is a song that I love more. The imagery in this song is stellar, and I don’t use the word stellar very often, please let that be noted. You can ask Carmen, I don’t use the word stellar very often. Anyway this is a beautiful song, with beautiful words, and beautiful music, but then again, could we really expect anything less from the band that I am coming to believe to be the greatest band of all time? Anyway, if you have the desire and the means, you should really listen to this song. I am listening to it right now, it’s so good! Anyway, I should go, I have pack my bag, but before I go, I just wanted to give props to my sister and my cousin Nicole who did good on their report cards. Keep on working hard girls. Love you all….Peace

Ps. I feel like i should mention that i am indeed going to Calgary for a week, so my blogging might become sparatic, or even non existant. I just thought i should mention this in case you are wondering what happened to me...

The Night Sky and Smallville

As I sit here listening to Dave Matthews Band, I have two things on my mind. Actually three, but one of them is the song of the day, so it doesn’t count. First, after standing outside by my car for a minute or two and having the chance to admire the clear starlit night, I have decided that the part of nature that brings me closest to God, the part of nature that reveals God most clearly to me, the part of nature that blows my mind most, is the night sky. I didn’t even have to experience Aurora Borealis to decide this. The sky is so huge, and the stars in their arrangement, the inky black sky, the illumination, the chilled air, everything about it inspires me; it puts me to a state of awe and admiration. For me, there is nothing more beautiful then the night sky.

The other thing on my mind is Smallville. In case you don’t know, Smallville is a television show about the life of Clark Kent (aka: Superman) before he moves to the city, basically, its teenage Superman. Now, there is only one show that I watch every episode of, and this is it. I love this show, the characters, the dynamics, the tension, the storylines, the family aspect, the music, I love that I have watched the characters grow to an extent over the last four seasons. I love that I can watch Smallville with my friends and have long serious discussions on plotlines, and possible twists and so on. Three weeks ago I missed an episode. Since then I would’ve been able to watch the last two episodes, but then I would’ve missed one and would not have understood what was going on. So, I waited. A family from my church tapes it every week, and has had the last three taped and waiting for Kyle (my mentor) and I to watch, and tonight we did just that. Three shocking episodes in a row! I haven’t felt this kind of excitement, and anticipation, and shock for a long time. These episodes were definitely huge SHOCKERS. Anyway, I had a great time watching these shows and talking about it with Kyle. It brings us together, our shared love for Smallville, it’s a good thing.

As I watched Smallville, I ended up thinking about something that you might understand only if you have followed the show, so I will do my best to make it clear. Clark (Superman) is affected by this space rock called Kryptonite, and depending on the color, it affects him in different ways. For instance, green kryptonite makes him deathly ill, Red Kryptonite causes him to lose all his inhibitions and he flaunts his power in an evil way. I was thinking about this Red Kryptonite factor and how it turns Clark into a sex-crazed maniac, who loses his regard for other people. Basically it causes Clark to be selfish, rebellious and sex-crazed. I wonder though if this could be a comment on humanity. I think we all have a dark side, a sinful nature that desires nothing but self pleasure, destruction of self, and separation from that which is true and right. But we (for the most part) deny it control of our lives. We don’t deny that it exists, but we try to deny it control, because it is not who we really are. We are really created to be holy creatures in communion with God our Father, and this “dark side”, our red kryptonite side comes out and screws that up. Thankfully God is a loving and forgiving God, who loves us and calls us back to him even when we are ravaging and destroying our lives because we are high on red kryptonite. I don’t know if this makes sense, or what I’m trying to say, except that we all have a dark side, and that we need to be aware of it. Some people try to ignore the darkness in their lives and it does just as much damage, if not more then it would do if it was out in the open. But just acknowledging our dark side is not enough, we need to tell people and be accountable to it, so that we can use that as a method of checks and balances so that our dark side is not in control. I certainly wouldn’t want to imagine the world if everyone lived off of emotion and desire, the world would be worse then it is now! When you expose your dark side it seems to lose some of it’s power because people will see it in you and call you on it. Just like how Clark’s parents know how Red Kryptonite affects him. Yeah, then you have to try and control it, and that’s hard, but God will give us strength and take us to the root of the problem if we are honest about wanting to get away from it. Our God is an awesome God, that may seem cliché, but it expresses how I feel at this moment. Anyway, I love Smallville, and I love God, and I love Good Music, which brings me to my next point.

Recently, and due to the impending arrival of Valentines Day, I have been feeling, nostalgic, romantic, and introspective. A dangerous combination if you ask me! Anyway, this combination leads me to the Song of the Day. “I Wanna Grow Old With You” by Adam Sandler is perfect. I can put myself in his position, I’m not perfect, I’m not rich, I’m not even that good looking, but I want to spend my life with just one person, and I will love her with every fiber of my being, and not only in big ways, but in the small ways, the ways that matter most.

“I wanna make you smile whenever you're sad
Carry you around when your arthritis is bad
All I wanna do is grow old with you.
I'll get your medicine when your tummy aches
build you a fire if the furnace breaks
Oh it could be so nice, growin old with you.
I'll miss you, kiss you, give you my coat when you are cold
. Need you, feed you, I'll even let you hold the remote control.
So let me do the dishes in the kitchen sink
Put you to bed when you've had too much to drink.
Oh I could be the man to grow old with you.
I wanna grow old with you.”

So, if you have the means or desire(I know you have the desire) check this song out. Or just watch “The Wedding Singer” cause that’s what it’s from. Love ya Lots, Peace

Foundations

Today while speaking with Kyle (my mentor) and Shawn (my boss) I realized that here in Vermilion we have some real struggles with youth. No, they aren’t cutting, no they aren’t doing drugs or drinking or having sex or anything like that, well not yet. Here’s the deal, with one particular student, he is having some troubles. He is lonely, he feels left out, he feels all alone. He feels ditched at school and even by some people at youth. It’s hard to believe cause he’s such a good guy! It seems that he ditched a lot of his school friends for this girl that he liked, and then the girl ended up ditching him and now he feels alone. More then that he is trying to find his identity and his self worth in a relationship with this girl, and she is not going to date him so he feels like crap. There are other issues, older siblings, he feels like he has to live up to the shadow that they have cast in his life. His older siblings are not good influences and although his parents love him, he is sometimes ignored because it is such a big family. I love this guy, I hurt for him, I have been where he is. All through high school I thought that I would be happy if I could just get a girlfriend, and that carried on even in to college in some aspects. I didn’t realize it at the time, I thought I just wanted a girlfriend because I liked the girl. I didn’t realize that I felt worthless because I couldn’t get a girlfriend, and that I thought I would feel better about myself if I could get one. This is where he is, he is finding his worth in relationships and he’s not doing too well right now. But what can you do for this kid? More then three pastors have been involved in this guys life, and talked to him about it, tried to put his foundation in Christ, and he will agree and try but he always goes back to the girls. Even now, he is trying to raise the level of his spiritual life, but it’s not for the right reasons. He wants to prove to this girl that he is a spiritual guy as well, as if she will change her mind if he is spiritual enough. I have been there too. I took a quote from the movie “As Good as it Gets” and made it my romance motto. “You make me want to be a better man”. Instead of wanting to be a better man for the girl, I should want to be a better man because God calls me to. Anyway, he has talked about this over and over again, he has been told, we have warned him, we have tried to encourage him and point him in the right direction. Much the same way that my youth pastor tried to do for me, he tried to help me be grounded in Christ and not in my constant crushes and desire for a relationship, but nothing changed until I started realizing many of these things myself. I feel like this is going to be the case for this guy as well, and for most teens. You can teach them, and love them, and try and help them out by showing them the way to a solid relationship with Christ, but eventually they need to figure things out for themselves. They need to go through the heart breaking and heart shaping experiences that make us the people that we are. But we as youth pastors have the dubius task of teaching them what we can and then releasing them to do what they have to do. We continue to pray for them, and we take opportunities to speak into their lives, but at the end of the day we have to realize that there is only so much we can do and then release the kid. I don’t know how good I am going to be at that, because I don’t want teens to be hurt, or learn things the hard way the way I did most of my life, but it looks like that’s what is going to happen. Ok, what am I saying? Teens are so valueable, we teach them, we build into them, we invest in them, and then when the rubber meets the road, they have to make their own decisions. Often they make bad choices, I don’t know why, but they do, and they hopefully learn from it. I pray that their faith is strong enough to overcome some of the heartships that are in store, I don’t know, I am just really worried for this guy and don’t want to see him get hurt, or lose his faith, but at then end of the day, he has to figure this stuff out himself. He has to realize for himself that God is his comfort, his refuge, and the one who gives him purpose. I guess this is another way that God will humble me and break me down, where I have to be on my knees more often, praying for these kids, and also leaving so much, no every part of my ministry with teens in his hands, because really, without him I can do nothing and I don’t even want to try. So I see tough roads ahead, but God will continue to be there for me, as I release kids completely to his care, and as kids step out and test the boundaries. So, those are my random thoughts for the day. I’m headed to Calgary in a few days and am really looking forward to that. Well, I’m not looking forward to the class, but I am looking forward to seeing some old friends, and speaking to some other people about this whole presidency candidation. This whole thing has been shaping my heart as well as the reading I have been doing. It is calling me to a leadership that is as far away from being a zealot that it possibly can. I need to love the students, I need to love the administration, I need to do what is right, and I still need to call our school to a higher standard in Christ Jesus, but not in an angry way, but a loving, pastoral way, while trying to model it for them. Part of my desire in the presidency is to work much closer with other leadership groups, especially the RA’s supporting them because I feel they get hung out to dry the most. Today’s song of the day is by the Beatles. It’s called “You’ve got to hide your love away”. Some of you might be familiar with it because there was a good cover of it by Eddie Vedder (lead singer of Pearl Jam) a few years back. It’s a great song, the Beatles are a great band, and it begins with a little interlude in the studio with the boys. It’s heartwarming. It seems to be about the very thing we were talking about, desire for relationships that end up in heartbreak. We need to be more careful about the people that we offer our heart to, we need to be selective, we need to hide our love away, not that we are to become cold people, but we need to be smarter with our hearts. I need to be smarter with my heart. If you have the desire or the means, check out this song….i dare you.

Are you going to Samuelize?

So yesterday as I was drifting off to sleep, a couple thoughts occurred to me. 1. Why don’t I talk about Carmen Smid more? 2. Do other religions (Islam, Buddhism, and Hinduism ect) have bookstores. I mean in the way that Christianity has bookstores devoted to the selling of Christian writings and resources, do people of the Islam faith, or Buddhist people have a Buddhist Book Store. After I wondered about that, I wondered if these other religions have western counterpart authors. For instance, is there a Muslim version of Brian McLaren, opening the eyes of the Muslim people to a post-modern take on their faith; is there a Buddhist James Dobson, who wants Buddhists to focus more on the family? Is there a Hindu version of Rick Warren trying to get Hindu’s to be more Purpose Driven in their attempts to get good Karma?The thought is more comical then anything else to me, but I am guessing there are, but we don’t see them here because those aren’t the dominant religions of North America. I was thinking about it last night, how you can throw a stone in any direction these days and hit some sort of Christian bookstore, even in Indonesia Matt Russell was able to get “A Generous Orthodoxy” right when it came out or soon thereafter. Incredible I say. But why aren’t there any Muslim Bookstores? I suppose that a Muslim bookstore wouldn’t be able to sustain profit, just because of the seemingly few Muslims (in comparison to evangelical Christians) in Canada. More then that though, I think that other religions haven’t bought into this idea that we need all these books and cd’s and other materials to sustain our faith. Not that we all use Christian books and materials to do that but some do. I’m not sure where I am going with this, and it’s starting to sound like I am bashing corporate Christianity and that’s not what I intended so I am going to put a stop to this before it even gets started.

So, yesterday was my day off, I spent it sleeping. I slept till 11am, which I didn’t mean to do, but I just kept sleeping and sleeping so I must’ve needed it, I certainly did enjoy it! Then I got in my beast of a car and drove to Lloydminster with the expressed purpose (props to me having a purpose driven day!) of depositing money into my bank account which can only be accessed in Lloydminster seeing as Vermilion is without a Royal Bank, or RBC as they prefer to be called. I might switch away from RBC in the not to distant future though because they decided to deny me a Credit Card, although I realize it’s not really their fault, it’s the fault of the government and they’re faulty system that told them that I needed to pay back my loan which I did not. So I hadn’t been paying this loan, which I didn’t know I was supposed to be, because I wasn’t supposed to be, and so the bank thought I was a bad person as far as credit goes, which is totally not true, thus I am denied a credit card. I will reapply now, because the situation has been rectified and I should be eligible now. I don’t have much else to talk about today, I finally finished my Brian McLaren book, and look forward to starting something new.

The song of the day is a beauty by Fleetwood Mac. “Songbird” is the ultimate as far as offerings from Christine McVie go, and this is a top notch song. Fleetwood Mac is a humongously awesome band, and “Songbird” is a soulful and beautiful song that I could listen to all day long. People say Stevie Nicks puts you under a spell, well Christine McVie takes me to a euphoric state with her soft English voice and tender and heartfelt lyrics. This is a wonderful song, so if you have the means you should check it out, even if you don’t have the desire you should check it out. Peace, Love and Props to all of you who read, and especially to you my number one fan!

Say Hello to Heaven

It was made apparent to me today, that soon and very soon, my least favorite holiday will be upon us. Thankfully I live in a small sleepy town like Vermilion where holidays are not celebrated with as much fan fare and corporate support as they are in larger cities. The holiday I speak of, is of course Valentines Day. Before I get too far into this update I would like to share a poem that a friend of mine wrote on Valentines Day, 3 years ago. I think it sums up my general experience of the holiday over the years.

"break my heart
its just a day
with everything
you do and say
to much to ask
your heart for mine
i'll never be
your valentine."

Isn’t that a lovely sentiment? Now I’m not going to give you the usual, “I Hate Valentines Day” Speech, cause I don’t feel like being bitter, because that’s what the Valentines people want. They want people who don’t have a Valentine to feel like crap, so I refuse to do it. Why should I let other people make me feel like crap because I don’t have a girlfriend on this one particular day more so then the rest of the time. Besides, I do a good enough job of that myself. So, this Valentines day, I am releasing all my bitterness towards the romantic holiday, and will instead celebrate it by sending Valentines to my various friends, family, missionaries, and other such people. I’m going to get in to the holiday spirit (to an extent), who knows, God might even reward me with a date for being such a good sport! Although, I’m not doing this so that everyone will think I am so pious in regards to Valentines, I’m not doing this because I actually think that God will send my some beautiful girl, but I’m doing this because I am sick of being the immature, bitter, whiner who sits around on Valentines day and tries to make people who do have significant others feel like crap for having on and enjoying this day. It’s time for me to grow up in this regard, and now I shall. (to be honest, I used to regard Valentines day as more evil, and more connected with Satan’s work then Halloween!)

To show my good intentions towards Valentines Day, I will post now, the history of St. Valentines Day. (note, there are many opinions and beliefs on the origination of this holiday, this is just one of them!)

“Every February, across the country, candy, flowers, and gifts are exchanged between loved ones, all in the name of St. Valentine. But who is this mysterious saint and why do we celebrate this holiday? The history of Valentine's Day -- and its patron saint -- is shrouded in mystery. But we do know that February has long been a month of romance. St. Valentine's Day, as we know it today, contains vestiges of both Christian and ancient Roman tradition. So, who was Saint Valentine and how did he become associated with this ancient rite? Today, the Catholic Church recognizes at least three different saints named Valentine or Valentinus, all of whom were martyred. One legend contends that Valentine was a priest who served during the third century in Rome. When Emperor Claudius II decided that single men made better soldiers than those with wives and families, he outlawed marriage for young men -- his crop of potential soldiers. Valentine, realizing the injustice of the decree, defied Claudius and continued to perform marriages for young lovers in secret. When Valentine's actions were discovered, Claudius ordered that he be put to death. Other stories suggest that Valentine may have been killed for attempting to help Christians escape harsh Roman prisons where they were often beaten and tortured.

According to one legend, Valentine actually sent the first 'valentine' greeting himself. While in prison, it is believed that Valentine fell in love with a young girl -- who may have been his jailor's daughter -- who visited him during his confinement. Before his death, it is alleged that he wrote her a letter, which he signed 'From your Valentine,' an expression that is still in use today. Although the truth behind the Valentine legends is murky, the stories certainly emphasize his appeal as a sympathetic, heroic, and, most importantly, romantic figure. It's no surprise that by the Middle Ages, Valentine was one of the most popular saints in England and France.”

So, that’s it, I hope you enjoyed this brief and unsubstantiated history lesson with Professor Mike. Today’s song of the day is a good one. It hearkens back to a time in my life when I was busy trying to get over a girl that I really liked. I listened to this song, and looking back it wasn’t the smartest song to listen to seeing as it said over and over “I miss you” and talking about how I needed to “tell you what a state I’m in” and so on, but I listened to it anyway. Sometimes songs just get associated with times in your life and this is one of those. “Warning Sign” by Coldplay is the song to which I have been referring. It’s an amazing song, actually my favorite Coldplay song of all time. I listened to it today on my way to Lloydminster, (actually I listened to the whole CD, but between going to Lloyd and coming back I got to hear that particular song twice) and it took me back, it was a bittersweet memory and a bittersweet song. (props to bittersweet symphony) So if you have the means and or the desire, I encourage you to allow your ear drums to process the reverberations that this song will cause.
Love you all, Happy Valentines Day (I know it’s early, but we were on the subject, stop criticizing me and just appreciate the sentiment!)

Counter Cultural Revolutions

Well, I’m still plodding (props to “Plod” by A.B. Simpson) on through Brian McLaren’s book “A Generous Orthodoxy”. I have found myself fairly busy over the last couple weeks and have had very little time to sit down for a history lesson with Brian and figure out what I can take from other branches of Christianity. Basically that’s what this book is, Brian takes a look at different perspectives from within the Christian Circle, he looks at where they came from, he looks at the good things we can learn from them (and bring into our post-protestant generous orthodoxy) and he also looks at some things that we can usually ignore. I literally just finished reading the chapter about Anabaptists and am now considering becoming one myself. When I took Church History 2 back in Regina at CBC with Eric Debryun I was supposed to learn about the Anabaptists, but I think I skipped that day and got the handout from Tim Houghton. Thanks once again for getting me all those handouts Tim, you and my one night study crammer with Jon Morrison are the only reasons I passed that class…well that and Debryun overlooking all the skips I had in that class! Anyway, I don’t remember anything about the Anabaptists from that classroom introduction to them that I should’ve had. So reading about them in McLaren’s book was a good refresher and so on. McLaren talks about the Anabaptists and equates them to what we know as the Amish or Mennonite. Even then I don’t know a whole lot about Mennonites except from what I have seen in movies or heard jokes, or whatever Gabe Krahn tells me about his Mennonite background. (does anyone else think it’s trendy to have a Mennonite background these days? At least within Christian circles?)

These are the beliefs that McLaren outlines as key to the life of an Anabaptist. 1) An Emphasis on personal commitment, in that they understand the people have to discover Christ Jesus on their own, and are not saved because they are born into a “Christian family”. 2) Their faith is truly a way of life, Anabaptists live a faith that is not nominal, or notional, but a life that is passionate about Christ and a life that shows the fruit of that love and desire. 3) A Radical Posture to Modernity, a counter-cultural stance on how life should be, or more how faith should be. The only problem is that their counter cultural lifestyle has not influenced the world very much. I really identify with this need to be counter cultural (not that I myself am very counter cultural) but there is something ingrained in my person that usually, not always, but usually rejects things that are trendy and popular because I can see that most of it is all phases. I am looking for something lasting. Sometimes this attitude is more prideful then anything else, like when I didn’t want to help with Urban Bridge Ministry because it was the trendy thing to do, I missed out on an opportunity to serve people and communicate God’s love to them, because I was too busy referring to this popular Vancouver ministry as a phase. But I desire to not follow the culture and what everyone else says is right. 4) Anabaptist has worked in the Margins; they have been rejected and seen as outsiders by both protestant and catholic faiths. What this means is that they haven’t had the “advantage” of being the popular Christian religion, the state religion and so on. They have had to exercise their faith from a position of humility and even unpopularity, and they have survived, and remained strong. 5) A Christ centered faith, even over the teachings of Paul; they view Paul through the lens of Christ, which is a cool idea. 6) Anabaptists seek to practice peace. I think this is something that not only I, but the whole world could benefit from. Obviously I am not naïve to say that we should just lay down our arms and expect that terrorists and ambitions nations won’t take advantage of that and persecute and enslave and murder us (by us I am speaking of Canada and the United States of America) but I am saying that we could do well to live lives of peace, I think that it would have a revolutionary effect on our lives and I wish I could be more peaceful. 7) Anabaptists practice community in creation. I have a high appreciation for community living, and for the creation of community with the Church, and so the idea of living together really appeals to me. I wouldn’t like living out in the country, and being a farmer and so on, but if it were possible to create some sort of community living suburbia: that would be really amazing!
Anyway, I don’t think I’m going to leave the Alliance and move into an Anabaptist Community, I am too comfortable living here in town with my possessions and conveniences, but I have gained a new respect for Anabaptists and a desire to apply some of these principles to my Generous Orthodoxy, if you have any ideas for a giant suburban community living situation, let me know, I would be interested for sure!

Today’s song of the day is called “Stupify”, it’s by some nu-metal band whose name I can’t remember. I’m just joking, I would never make that my song of the day, it’s just playing on the radio right now and I wanted to comment as to how horrible of a song it is, and how I wish to never hear it again. The real song of the day is “Truffle Pigs” by Matthew Good Band. I am a pretty huge Matt Good fan, and this is one of my favorite songs by him and his band. It hearkens back to a time when life wasn’t all that great for a friend of mine and I remember ripping around Indian Arm in his mom’s car listening to Matt Good telling us to “eat sh*t” over and over again, and I was thinking that I was going to die! Honestly, speed is a dangerous thing up Indian Arm in Deep Cove, and I am pretty nervous when people seem like depressed to the point of suicide. Anyway, it’s kind of a depressing song, but it’s really amazing and I listened to it as I got ready for Church this morning. Speaking of Church….

I created this cartoon of Gary Bettman and Bob Goodenow (the guys responsible for the lack of NHL Hockey this year) and I drew on them so they looked the like the Devil. (this is all happening in Microsoft paint by the way) Then I used a bible verse from James talking about wisdom not being from Heaven, but being from the Devil. I put it on my computers desktop background and then my computer was used this morning for power point at church today. The whole church somehow got a flash of my evil looking desktop theme during communion today, holy crap did I feel like an idiot!

Anyway, if you have the desire and or means, check out Truffle Pigs by Matthew Good Band, from their last release as a band “The Audio of Being”. Hope you are all Well…Mike

I was going to call this "If I could Turn Back Time" but was then so grossed about by Cher that i couldn't do it

Good Morning (Vietnam). If you could go back in time, (and safely return with the help of Marty McFly, Doc Brown and a Dolorean) where would you go? Would you go back and change personal decisions you have made? Would you go back in time and simply experience some historical moment from a distance being careful not to change things and alter your own future? Have you ever seen the television program “Quantum Leap”?. It was really keen when I was a kid, and this guy (played by Scott Bakula) would go back in time and change history, but mostly just people’s personal lives, there was one episode where he was supposed to stop the assassination of JFK, but was unable because the power of fate was so strong. Anyway, it was a keen show, and season 1 is available on DVD right now! If I had the technology and knowledge to do this time traveling gig, and if it wouldn’t destroy my brain like Ashton Kutcher in “The Butterfly Effect”, I would probably just go and take part in historical events. On top of my list would be Woodstock, the original one in 1969. I’d try and find my dad and hang out with him for the night and rock out with him. He’d never remember it anyway, after all it was Woodstock. After hanging out with my dad, I’d go and watch The Who and Jimi Hendrix, and Crosby Stills Nash and Young. It would be totally awesome! Actually, in the same vein I could see it being really disappointing, like I’d get there and realize that the music only sounds good if you are tripping on acid, so then I would be really mad and leave in my time machine. But that’s pretty predictable isn’t it? I love music, so I think many of my time travel trips would be involving music, but let’s see if I can come up with something non-musical that would surprise you? Oh, I just remembered a cool and important fact about Quantum Leap! When Scott Bakula would go back in time, he would not go back as himself, he would go back as someone involved in the historical event. In the JFK one, he was Lee Harvey Oswald (this was made when the still contended that Oswald was the one who shot JFK, he totally wasn’t) and he couldn’t stop Oswald from shooting, so right at the last second he found himself in the body of one of JFK’s security guards walking with the car, and was just not in time to stop the assassination! It was a dramatic show! This is a lot more difficult then I thought, I certainly wouldn’t want to witness any wars, I would come back with post traumatic stress or something, hmm, this is difficult. And I’m not going to use sports either that would be too easy and I’d want to try and change the results (Canucks Rangers 94 anyone?). The time of Jesus would be too easy as well, I’m eliminating everything that I would want to see, this is hard. Do you have any suggestions? Well, I’m really not sure, part of me wants to say I would go back to the time of William Wallace and fight with the Scots against the English, but two things make me think that would be a bad idea. 1. I would die, I can’t wield a sword, I would be the guy in the movie Braveheart who is mooning the English and then gets shot with an arrow in the butt. That wouldn’t kill me, but then I would take it out and try and fight and some dude would slice off my leg, like Wallace did to that guy in the battle scene, and then my blood would splatter on the camera. 2. The other reason I wouldn’t go is that I hear it wasn’t all that historically accurate, and I would be pretty disappointed. I hear he doesn’t even look anything like Mel Gibson, what a rip! I guess I would just go back to the time when they were filming Braveheart and go be an extra, or hypnotize the director into letting me be one of William’s Disciples…I mean friends. Sorry, this was kind of a weird blog update, it’s not really about anything important, but sometimes I get on these rabbit trails and can’t get away from it without talking about it. And since there is still no one here at work, you seemed like a good audience. The song of the day is “Good Time” by the Counting Crows. It’s track three on their album “Hard Candy”. It’s a pretty cool song, I remember I got this album in the Philippines when I was there, so many of the songs evoke memories of that trip, but memories aside, it’s a pretty cool song. Adam Duritz and the boys make it pretty chill, a cool guitar sound, as well as good lyrics, along with Adam’s unmistakable fantastic voice. I think I was a rock star I would be like Adam Duritz except not as ambiguously gay, well, not gay at all, and he might not be gay, but he dresses like it sometimes, he just seems kinda fruity, maybe he’s just eccentric, or maybe he’s bi. What do you think? Well if you have the desire or means, check out “Good Time” by the Counting Crows, it’s one of my favorite songs by the Crows, and you might like it. Until Next Time, Peace in the NUC

My Wrists are on Fire!

Greetings and Salutations, Love and Peace to you from Me. So, yesterday there were a couple of things I promised I would talk about today. Most notably my confession (which will be last) and my leadership situation for school next year and that whole journey (props to the band journey…yes I said journey…props to the band yes). But before I get to all those yummy ideas as well as the song of the day, I would like to spend a moment of your time talking about a program I saw on the television late last night after returning from youth group and the associated festivities.

I rarely watch Larry King Live, not because I don’t like the program, but mostly because I watch very little television, and it usually is not on when I am watching. That and he usually talks about things and with people that I could care less about. That all changed last night; intrigued by TIME Magazine’s latest headline “The 25 Most Influential Evangelical Christians in America”, Larry and his producers brought 5 of those 25 on his show and spoke with them. Tim and Beverly LeHaye (think Left Behind), Franklin Graham (think Samaritans Purse and Billy Graham), Bishop T.D. Jakes (think chubby black Pentecostal preacher shouting), and Brian McLaren (think Post-Modern) were the five panelists that Larry brought in from the list of 25 as provided by TIME Magazine. The topics stayed pretty political, as in, “what do you think President Bush owes the Christian right who got him re-elected?” and so on. In an attempt to make Christians look un-caring and ignorant to anything outside their realm of faith, King also hovered around such issues as abortion, the environment, gay marriage, evolution and the war in Iraq, and he kept most of the questioning directed at Tim and Beverly LeHaye. I was not appreciative of this because I felt they were giving a representation of what Christians over 90 years old think and no one else. I think Larry specifically stayed away from directing many of these issues towards Jakes, and McLaren, who’s love and compassion and forward thinking would show the world that not all Christians are hate-mongers and ignorant to the issues that lie beyond the external issue of gay marriages and so on. Anyway, it was interesting to hear comments from callers, and when McLaren and or Jakes and even Franklin Graham to some extent it was interesting and compassionate. I taped it so if you want to watch it sometime, just let me know, it was interesting.

Ok, now to my leadership quandary. Any of you who have talked to me about where I was going to serve next year would probably remember my passion to serve on the mission’s executive. Any of you who knew me in my first two years of college probably thought that was pretty funny, just because in my immaturity I didn’t support the mission’s executive as much as I wish I had now. So, that’s where I thought I was going, I couldn’t do CPC again (and to be honest I didn’t want to) I didn’t want to do Student Council because I felt like I would know more about the behind the scenes and be able to do less about it, which would frustrate me to no end. All that was left was mission’s executive, so in a way I arrived at my leadership by process of elimination, all I knew was I needed to serve and use my gifts and miss. exec seemed like the place to do it. I even went so far as to speak to the current president about the positions and speak to other people. To be honest I was already working on constructing a team. Michelle and I were going to be the best Mission’s Executive there ever was! Then it happened, I went to youth pastor’s retreat where I was reconnected with many old friends. One of those friends is still very connected to CBC and the rez and so on, and we found out that last year morale was the problem but this year it’s morals. Sex, alcohol, and the like seem to have taken our students by storm, and in so doing drastically have altered the mind-set and in my mind the integrity of our school. Other youth pastors were shocked and disappointed as to how bad it has become, and how the school seems to turn a blind eye to it. We had a good two hour discussion on it, whilst riding a bus to the hockey game we went to. Not just the morality issue, but others as well, but it was the morality issue and the integrity of the school and it’s seeming lack of standards for it’s students that has stuck with me the most. I love my school, I don’t love the way it has jerked students around, I don’t love the less the adequate “campus” if you can call it that, I don’t love the lack of pastoral care that we offer – which seems to not matter anymore, but through all that I still love my school because it has been an instrument of faith and growth and training and friendship for over 50 years. This move to Calgary and sub-sequent merger with NUC has injured my school in ways I can’t even begin to imagine, and I have a pretty good imagination! I said to the guys that night, “holy crap, I’m so fired up, this makes me want to be on student council again!”. Even before I left the retreat I had the opportunity to speak to an AUC professor about the rumors I had heard and he confirmed them. Then he proceeded to encourage me to go for president because he thinks we need someone to give us a kick in the ass, and I can handle all the crap that comes with that kind of leadership…I don’t know if I can. Since those conversations, I have lost sleep, I can’t focus, I find myself daydreaming and planning a vision for next year. This is the first time I have lost sleep over something other then a relationship maybe ever! I am trying to listen to God and see if this is what he actually wants me to do, but to be honest I am scared. I know if I run for SRC President, and I get it, I will raise hell. I will not be a puppet, I want to restore integrity to our leaders and to our school, I want AUC to be a place where I can say in 10 years that I am proud that I went to. I don’t want have to gloss over my time at CBC/AUC when I am a youth pastor because I wouldn’t want my kids to get the idea that going to this moral-less school would be a good idea. I won’t argue that the education and training you receive in the ministry programs is second to none, but there seems to be a lack of relationship with God in the student body as a whole. Now you might be saying, “Mike, how can you say such things? All your information is second hand!” and I would agree with you. That’s why I’m not deciding anything yet, I am heading to Calgary and I will get the scoop for myself, and I will get my questions answered from all levels of leadership. All I can do at this point is pray, and ask you to pray. I really am feeling burdened towards this ministry, but who knows, Growper already told me, SRC is going to be restructured somehow, which scares the life out of me. Anyway, that’s where I am at, I’m scared, but I’m trusting in God, I am weak, but luckily he is strong. Don’t take my desire to clean up the school as some self-righteous crusade though please, I dearly care for the students of this school, and I know I am not perfect, I am just as big of a screw up as all of these kids, but they need help and I want to somehow give it to them, the help that has brought me out of the situation they are in and striving to follow Christ with all that I am.

I suppose I should stop talking about things which you don’t care about and move on to this serious confession that I have to make. Friends, associates, Pastor’s son’s, sisters, and loyal subjects alike, I need to tell you something. Since December of 2004, I have wanted something very badly. I wasn’t able to have this thing until January of 2005, but now I have it, and I know some of you will be ashamed of me and disappointed but I can only tell you I am sorry and say that there was nothing I could do to fight the urge. In January of 2005, following a month and a half long obsession, I broke down and purchased the album “Under my Skin” by Avril Lavigne. I know, I have become a sissy rocker, but her infectious music has captured my heart and I really do enjoy it. And yes (props to yes) I do know that she could not have written those great songs without the help of Chantel Kreviaszuk or Raine Maida, and yes (props to yes) I know that she only sounds so good because of pro-tools and layering vocals which she can’t produce live, but do you know that her music is still really catchy and great anyway? I do, and I can’t handle how much I enjoy her album. So much do I enjoy her album, that at the Break Forth Conference, I began writing her a letter explaining me enjoyment of her album, my apologies for thinking she was a talent-less bum catching a trend wave, and also I explain to her my desire for us to be friends. I’m sorry friends, if you think less of me because of this, I really can offer no explanation and I hope that our friendship won’t diminish because of it (Charlie I’m looking at you and our yearly visits to the Raven for been and wings!). If you really need to talk to me about this, you know how to get a hold of me, and if you don’t, I probably don’t know you that well, and I am now wondering how you got onto my blog and why you are still reading it.

So, even though this will break with the tradition of talking about music/songs/artists and then not making them the song of the day, I feel it’s important. Today’s song of the day, following this exceptionally lengthy blog (I wonder if it’s lengthy because I use words like exceptionally lengthy instead of saying really long) is indeed by Avril Lavigne, and it is the song “Fall to Pieces”. Man, she really gets me with this song, she doesn’t want to talk about it, she just wants to sit and state at me, and she doesn’t want a conversation, she just wants to cry in front of me. Golly Gee, she is great. “Fall to Pieces” is a great song, it really is passionate, and that’s what I dig about it. So, if you don’t think I’m a musical heretic by following the beach boys up with Avril Lavigne, and you have the desire and or means, check it out, besides some of us have to realize there is good music outside of rock, metal, jazz, blues and the like.

I love you all, thanks for listening, I needed it.

...is Ryan Adams Catholic?, his new band is called the Cardinals...for that matter, why is Matt Russell Catholic/catholic?

Welcome back friends. I missed you, did you miss me? Today’s blog is going to be more of a, well , recap of events, and once I get that out of the way I can move forward into exploring the things that I learned and thought about while I was away. So whence last we spake I was preparing for my trip to Nakamun (which Charlie has bad memories of) for Youth Pastor’s retreat. It was absolutely fantastic. Well it was pretty good. It should’ve been called Youth Pastor’s conference though, because there was more teaching, learning and conferencing then there was retreating. Even though there was not many hours dedicated to the art of retreating, lounging, and or simply doing nothing, it was still pretty great. I was able to reconnect with some good friends who I don’t get to see very often, and also meet some new friends. To be honest, the teaching was also really great which is why I didn’t mind it so much. The speaker was the youth pastor from Unionville Alliance Church in Ontario. He was really good, I appreciated him a lot. I liked him so much I even decided to play some basketball with him, and I don’t like basketball, so he must’ve been pretty cool. I had some great chats with some people I really love and respect and through those conversations I have felt God leading me away from what I thought my leadership/ministry position was going to be next year upon my return to CBC.

Following the retreat, it was time for Break Forth. For those of you who don’t know, Break Forth is a Christian conference with great teaching and times of musical worship. It is designed I suppose to equip and train Christian leaders and lay people. I had a pretty good time overall. The highlight for me was a time of musical and visual worship led by a man named Brain Doerksen. He was talented in music and also talented in putting a worship service together. He was able to create an environment (obviously by following the leading of the Holy Spirit) where I could enter in to praising my God in a large setting. There was one such moment where I was singing praises to God and my eyes were closed and all of the sudden I felt a huge rush of wind, it was amazing, then I opened my eyes and girls were going up and down the aisles creating wind with a big blanket. It was still really cool despite the fact that the wind wasn’t some Holy Spirit thing, I still enjoyed the sensation that it brought. It was just one of the ways that Brian and the other worship coordinators tried to use our senses to bring a larger aspect to worship then just voices and I appreciated that. Also good was my time spent with Youth Ministry guru and Briarcrest Boy Marv Penner. He tackled three big subjects and was able to make my time well worth the money that my church paid to have me there. The other keen moment from Break Forth was when worship leader Robin Mark did an interlude between songs using the song “Blowers Daughter” by Damien Rice. I was blown away, especially since I was probably like one of 20 in 7000 that knew the song and was able to see it in a new and awesome light. Admittedly I usually have a problem with worship leaders who take secular songs and take them out of the context in which they were originally written, and Robin Mark did that, he even admitted after that he did that, but somehow I really was ministered to through Robin’s use of Damien’s song. It probably has to do with my musical nerdship and how I liked that no one else knew the song. Wow, I almost forgot, also a huge highlight was seeing Tammy. I don’t see her very often, seeing as I live in Vermilion and she lives in Calgary, but seeing her reminded me of how much I enjoyed hanging out with her. She is righteous!

After that I spent the night at my aunt’s place in Spruce Grove, which was good, because I was able to spend some time with my little cousins Bobby and Alexis. They are total gems, just about the cutest kids you can possibly imagine. Bobby, who is two, has the loudest farts I have ever heard, and he just thinks it’s the funniest thing that has ever happened cause people literally stop and are so shocked that he can emit so much gas from his little body. I’m so proud of him! From there I moved on to visit my friends Jon and Kim in Westlock, Alberta. That was also a great time, Jon made me a mix CD to listen to on the way home, it was very cool, and I hardly recognized any of the music on the CD, so it was very interesting. Jon and I took a tour of the town after dropping Kim off at work and then we played some Nintendo for old times sake, and I couldn’t believe how rusty and terrible I was. I still contend that original Nintendo games were the hardest of all.
After that was a stop in Sherwood Park, Alberta for a leadership training meeting that Kyle, Shawn and I attend once a month. I had a brutal headache, it was making my face ache, but I managed to get through the meeting and actually get something out of it and then drive back to Vermilion. Then I came home, read my 37 emails (most of which were junk and I didn’t read, I just wanted to tell you I had 37 emails so you would think I am popular with many friends) read my friends Blogs, and went to bed. Then I got up and went to work. It has been a totally insanely busy week and I am still very tired. I have youth group tonight, so I will probably be out until 10:00 pm, at which time I will come home and sleep so I will be ready for the rest of this busy workweek.

The song of the day is a beaut. “Wouldn’t it be nice” by the Beach Boys recounts Brian Wilson’s desire to be older and be out from under the pressure intense grip of his manager/father. Anyway, it is a beautiful song that brings back memories of Troy and I being able to really empathize with Adam Sandler’s character in the film “50 first dates”, as he was listening to it and being reminded of his painful relationship with a mentally messed up and still incredibly beautiful Drew Barrymore. Man I love her, there’s something about her that is so exotic, but still so average girl that could live down the street and go to college and career at my church. Although that is one of the dumbest statements I have ever made because all of my assumptions of Hollywood people and musicians is based on their work in music and or films. But I digress. “Wouldn’t it be Nice” is a great song in it’s own right aside from Adam Sandler or Troy or Drew Barrymore. So if you have the means and or the desire you should check it out. You probably won’t be disappointed. If you are, you probably like rap.

In other news I am coming to Calgary to take a class. Tomorrow look for a serious confession on my blog and possible discussion on where God is leading me in my CBC leadership situation. Love and Peace….