My Wrists are on Fire!

Greetings and Salutations, Love and Peace to you from Me. So, yesterday there were a couple of things I promised I would talk about today. Most notably my confession (which will be last) and my leadership situation for school next year and that whole journey (props to the band journey…yes I said journey…props to the band yes). But before I get to all those yummy ideas as well as the song of the day, I would like to spend a moment of your time talking about a program I saw on the television late last night after returning from youth group and the associated festivities.

I rarely watch Larry King Live, not because I don’t like the program, but mostly because I watch very little television, and it usually is not on when I am watching. That and he usually talks about things and with people that I could care less about. That all changed last night; intrigued by TIME Magazine’s latest headline “The 25 Most Influential Evangelical Christians in America”, Larry and his producers brought 5 of those 25 on his show and spoke with them. Tim and Beverly LeHaye (think Left Behind), Franklin Graham (think Samaritans Purse and Billy Graham), Bishop T.D. Jakes (think chubby black Pentecostal preacher shouting), and Brian McLaren (think Post-Modern) were the five panelists that Larry brought in from the list of 25 as provided by TIME Magazine. The topics stayed pretty political, as in, “what do you think President Bush owes the Christian right who got him re-elected?” and so on. In an attempt to make Christians look un-caring and ignorant to anything outside their realm of faith, King also hovered around such issues as abortion, the environment, gay marriage, evolution and the war in Iraq, and he kept most of the questioning directed at Tim and Beverly LeHaye. I was not appreciative of this because I felt they were giving a representation of what Christians over 90 years old think and no one else. I think Larry specifically stayed away from directing many of these issues towards Jakes, and McLaren, who’s love and compassion and forward thinking would show the world that not all Christians are hate-mongers and ignorant to the issues that lie beyond the external issue of gay marriages and so on. Anyway, it was interesting to hear comments from callers, and when McLaren and or Jakes and even Franklin Graham to some extent it was interesting and compassionate. I taped it so if you want to watch it sometime, just let me know, it was interesting.

Ok, now to my leadership quandary. Any of you who have talked to me about where I was going to serve next year would probably remember my passion to serve on the mission’s executive. Any of you who knew me in my first two years of college probably thought that was pretty funny, just because in my immaturity I didn’t support the mission’s executive as much as I wish I had now. So, that’s where I thought I was going, I couldn’t do CPC again (and to be honest I didn’t want to) I didn’t want to do Student Council because I felt like I would know more about the behind the scenes and be able to do less about it, which would frustrate me to no end. All that was left was mission’s executive, so in a way I arrived at my leadership by process of elimination, all I knew was I needed to serve and use my gifts and miss. exec seemed like the place to do it. I even went so far as to speak to the current president about the positions and speak to other people. To be honest I was already working on constructing a team. Michelle and I were going to be the best Mission’s Executive there ever was! Then it happened, I went to youth pastor’s retreat where I was reconnected with many old friends. One of those friends is still very connected to CBC and the rez and so on, and we found out that last year morale was the problem but this year it’s morals. Sex, alcohol, and the like seem to have taken our students by storm, and in so doing drastically have altered the mind-set and in my mind the integrity of our school. Other youth pastors were shocked and disappointed as to how bad it has become, and how the school seems to turn a blind eye to it. We had a good two hour discussion on it, whilst riding a bus to the hockey game we went to. Not just the morality issue, but others as well, but it was the morality issue and the integrity of the school and it’s seeming lack of standards for it’s students that has stuck with me the most. I love my school, I don’t love the way it has jerked students around, I don’t love the less the adequate “campus” if you can call it that, I don’t love the lack of pastoral care that we offer – which seems to not matter anymore, but through all that I still love my school because it has been an instrument of faith and growth and training and friendship for over 50 years. This move to Calgary and sub-sequent merger with NUC has injured my school in ways I can’t even begin to imagine, and I have a pretty good imagination! I said to the guys that night, “holy crap, I’m so fired up, this makes me want to be on student council again!”. Even before I left the retreat I had the opportunity to speak to an AUC professor about the rumors I had heard and he confirmed them. Then he proceeded to encourage me to go for president because he thinks we need someone to give us a kick in the ass, and I can handle all the crap that comes with that kind of leadership…I don’t know if I can. Since those conversations, I have lost sleep, I can’t focus, I find myself daydreaming and planning a vision for next year. This is the first time I have lost sleep over something other then a relationship maybe ever! I am trying to listen to God and see if this is what he actually wants me to do, but to be honest I am scared. I know if I run for SRC President, and I get it, I will raise hell. I will not be a puppet, I want to restore integrity to our leaders and to our school, I want AUC to be a place where I can say in 10 years that I am proud that I went to. I don’t want have to gloss over my time at CBC/AUC when I am a youth pastor because I wouldn’t want my kids to get the idea that going to this moral-less school would be a good idea. I won’t argue that the education and training you receive in the ministry programs is second to none, but there seems to be a lack of relationship with God in the student body as a whole. Now you might be saying, “Mike, how can you say such things? All your information is second hand!” and I would agree with you. That’s why I’m not deciding anything yet, I am heading to Calgary and I will get the scoop for myself, and I will get my questions answered from all levels of leadership. All I can do at this point is pray, and ask you to pray. I really am feeling burdened towards this ministry, but who knows, Growper already told me, SRC is going to be restructured somehow, which scares the life out of me. Anyway, that’s where I am at, I’m scared, but I’m trusting in God, I am weak, but luckily he is strong. Don’t take my desire to clean up the school as some self-righteous crusade though please, I dearly care for the students of this school, and I know I am not perfect, I am just as big of a screw up as all of these kids, but they need help and I want to somehow give it to them, the help that has brought me out of the situation they are in and striving to follow Christ with all that I am.

I suppose I should stop talking about things which you don’t care about and move on to this serious confession that I have to make. Friends, associates, Pastor’s son’s, sisters, and loyal subjects alike, I need to tell you something. Since December of 2004, I have wanted something very badly. I wasn’t able to have this thing until January of 2005, but now I have it, and I know some of you will be ashamed of me and disappointed but I can only tell you I am sorry and say that there was nothing I could do to fight the urge. In January of 2005, following a month and a half long obsession, I broke down and purchased the album “Under my Skin” by Avril Lavigne. I know, I have become a sissy rocker, but her infectious music has captured my heart and I really do enjoy it. And yes (props to yes) I do know that she could not have written those great songs without the help of Chantel Kreviaszuk or Raine Maida, and yes (props to yes) I know that she only sounds so good because of pro-tools and layering vocals which she can’t produce live, but do you know that her music is still really catchy and great anyway? I do, and I can’t handle how much I enjoy her album. So much do I enjoy her album, that at the Break Forth Conference, I began writing her a letter explaining me enjoyment of her album, my apologies for thinking she was a talent-less bum catching a trend wave, and also I explain to her my desire for us to be friends. I’m sorry friends, if you think less of me because of this, I really can offer no explanation and I hope that our friendship won’t diminish because of it (Charlie I’m looking at you and our yearly visits to the Raven for been and wings!). If you really need to talk to me about this, you know how to get a hold of me, and if you don’t, I probably don’t know you that well, and I am now wondering how you got onto my blog and why you are still reading it.

So, even though this will break with the tradition of talking about music/songs/artists and then not making them the song of the day, I feel it’s important. Today’s song of the day, following this exceptionally lengthy blog (I wonder if it’s lengthy because I use words like exceptionally lengthy instead of saying really long) is indeed by Avril Lavigne, and it is the song “Fall to Pieces”. Man, she really gets me with this song, she doesn’t want to talk about it, she just wants to sit and state at me, and she doesn’t want a conversation, she just wants to cry in front of me. Golly Gee, she is great. “Fall to Pieces” is a great song, it really is passionate, and that’s what I dig about it. So, if you don’t think I’m a musical heretic by following the beach boys up with Avril Lavigne, and you have the desire and or means, check it out, besides some of us have to realize there is good music outside of rock, metal, jazz, blues and the like.

I love you all, thanks for listening, I needed it.