I hate doctors

Since my pediatrician Dr. Hay retired, i have never felt comfortable or happy with the service i have recived from subsequent physicians. When i transfered over to my parents doctor, my frustrations grew ever so much more, as whenever i needed to see a doctor she was on vacationing or had left early for the day, or when i would make an appointment to see her at one of the rare occasions she was supposed to be in her office, the appointment would be for 1pm, i wouldn't get in to see her until 3pm. Needless to say she has made enough blunders with me and my family over the years that i have built up heavy amounts of animosity towards her and her practise.

As you may or may not know, my father was recently diagnosed with a brain tumor, originally two actually, but upon closer inspection, the neurologist that my dad has seen told him, one of the tumors was not actually there, and that it was not cancerous. Upon seeing our family physician, who i don't like, today, she read the report and informed my father that there were indeed two tumors and yes they were cancerous. My contempt for doctors has risen so much at this moment that i am actually shaking. I have never been so angry in my life for the huge misleading that this neurologist has done to my family. We were celebrating the dissipation of one tumor and them not being cancerous as a miracle from God and maybe getting our hopes up that this trend would continue with my father having succesful surgery to remove the one and only tumor, but now i'm not so sure, hell i'm not doctor, (thank god, then i would really hate myself) i can't make a real diagnosis, but conisdering the information we've recieved thus far from what some people would call a real doctor, i'm sure i could do just as well.

I am allowing myself to be this angry, because it is a good way to cover up how scared and upset i am, and it helps me feel something other then depressed and scared. It helps me focus on something other then the obvious. Hows that for instant introspection, and laying my personal feelings and crap on the line for everyone to see, i hope it doesn't seem pretentious. Not even Scrubs can help me now.

Starcrap

Sorry I haven't blogged, i've discovered there are good and bad weeks for blogging, and the last week has been a bad one for blogging. My life has been out of control, and i have many things to share, but that will have to wait until i can organize the proper documentation.
In the meantime (props to spacehog) i will share with you another blog written whilst at work, this one is a review, similar to what Kyle Keller used to do, this one is of an album, what was supposed to be the biggest release in Christian Music for the year, but so far sales are lame, at least in our store. Anyway, here it is, my professional opinion of Starfield's third record, some might say second, but i know it is thier third "Beauty in the Broken". (this review was written on may 13th, the actual release date of the album.

I have decided to rename the band Starfield as Starsuck. Wow, could i reveal to you my thoughts on this record quicker or what? This record sounds the way the cover looks.....airbrushed. What do I mean by that, well, first there are no standout songs. On thier original Winnepeg release, Tumbling after, there were no less then four songs that changed my life and my opinion on christian music. For thier second record ( a rerelease of thier original record with a couple new songs and a new producer) they moved to Nashville, the hub of christian music. This latest release is thier first full album without the help and influence of thier Winnepeg roots and it shows. Starfield went to Nashville, and got contemporized and airbrushed. They no longer sound any differant then every other Christian Contemporary band. It's like they believed thier own hype that they were the next big thing, and then put forth a very mediocre record and tried to cover it up, thus the airbrushed description. I really do regret having to say these things about Starfield because the turth is, their original record really was something special. But in the end, this album was airbrushed, they took some crap, airbrushed it to look better, but as we say in france "the shit shines through". (Sorry for the profanity, but it just didn't sound right to say poop shines through)

If you enjoy this record, feel free to disagree with me. I just feel Starfield was once orignal and powerful musically, and now have allowed themselves to be overproduced, packaged, and photoshopped and it doesn't work well with thier music and credibility, and apperantly, it doesn't work well with thier sales, at least in Calgary.

Peace for now, big news coming for some, for others it's old news. But stay tuned.

A Christian Publications Publication

This will be my first blog from work...and when i say from work, i mean written on the back of a March best sellers music poster during my long and nearly pointless hifts in the music department and then typed up when i get home or tomorrow, but probably tonight. Currently, I am serving a 1-2pm shift and surveying audibly the latest offering from a band called "The Elms". It's alright, I probably would've liked it a bit more when i was in grade 11. The trick of this will be hiding my "so called blog" during the times when i am not working bakc here. Considering 5 of my 8.5 hours will be spent back here, I am confident that no one will find my little treasure.

Yesteday when i worked back here, I spent about 45 minutes reading a small book by Ravi Zacharias called "The Lamb and the Furor". It is what it sounds like, a conversation between Hitler and Jesus. It was very interesting, I might buy it some day, it's only $9.99 after all. One time Ravi came and spoke to my school in Regina for something like Spiritual Emphasis Days. I remember thinking he was pretty good, but i definitly didn't go to all of the chapels he spoke at. I regret that now, but not as much as i regret missing Brian McLaren, who apperantly spoke at my school as well, but i didn't hear about it until a year after so, i doubt the validity of such accounts. Anyway, I'm going to petition the school to bring him in again next year, so i can see a Brian McLaren lecture/sermon before I die. Not that I think I am going to die anytime soon, but you can't take chances with crap like that.

Things to Do Before I die:
1. See u2 live in concert
2. Listen to Brian McLaren live (possibly dialogue after....over nachos and Nintendo perhaps?)
3. Read "Paradise Lost"
4. Travel Great Britain, France, Germany, and Italy
5. Read "Life Together"

I'll let you know how that goes. And if any of you feel so inclined as to help me accomplish these goals, by all means do so.

That "Elms" cd ended and now the greatest hits cd for Further Seems Forever has come on. That Elms Cd was pretty decent, I still don't think i would buy it though. I think I am gonna take a blog break, my shift is almost over, and my hand is starting to cramp so, I'll see you guys again at 4pm. Thats 2.15 hours from now



Guess Who's back? Back Again. Schalins Back. Tell a Friend. Sorry about that Eminem referance, especially since i am now listening to the skillfull tunage of Derek Webb. I'm only back for half an hour before I go for my lunch break, and when i say lunch, i mean supper. Not much has happened sine I left you, I worked at the till, I worked the floor, I spoke to co-workers and customers, and now I'm back. I just realized that when I'm at work here, I think a lot (almost exclusivly) about the very think I am trying to sell, books, music, cute Christian plaques etc. It's good for work, but not for blogging. I'm sure you are all bored to tears hearing about what i am reading and listening to these days, but to be honest that is taking up a great deal of my life right now, which for me (who likes books and music) isn't a bad thing. I guess another think I could talk about is getting a new Car. In case you didn't know, Cara sold her car, leaving us with my big ol tank. Unfortunatly my car is not as reliable as it once was, so we recently became infatuated with an automobile known as an Impala. We're just trying to figure out if we can afford it, or even if we can offord not to. We'll keep you posted on that one. Hand is cramping again. I'll rest until 6, when i come back for the remainder of the night. Hopefully something amazing will happen between now and then, otherwise you may be pooched.

Derek and I are back. Nothing amazing happened. I had supper, 2 sandwhiches and some BBQ chips. While eating, I engaged in discussion with a co-worker and former classmate. This discussion ended up on the school and, some of the ridiculous thinkgs that have gone on there during our years. My blood pressure got high, I was all riled up, I wanted to join the grad committee and make sure some of the ridiculous things that happened at grad this year would not be repeated. Then i realized that would go against my "no participation" decree for school next year. I guess, I'm still bitter about the whole president thing. Instead of trying to save the school from going to Hell in a handbasket, I thought i would save myself the aggrivation and just go to my classes and ignore everything else. Maybe it's a selfish attitude, but it's how i feel, trying to serve and lead has left me feeling old, useless and un-wanted. Well, i should say, thats how the school has made me feel. Will this change? Will I go to floor meetins? mentor a younger student? be mentored? Go to soccer matches? Probably, but thats cause when you truly love something or someone, you can't stay mad at it forever. And when you see it hurting itself and being stupid, it hurts you more because you feel helpless to change things, and you get the sense that the one you love don't want your help anyway.

That must be how God feels.

"I do confess...i put you on just like a wedding dress..."

Suprised no one guessed which book i read. It was "The Di Vinci Code", scandelous i know! Overall, i didn't think the writing was spectacular, and i guessed a couple of the main plot twists long before they happened, but i haven't decided if that was because of the poor writing or my genius, so we shall see i guess.

Speaking of books i have read, here is a passage from another one i read. It's called "I talk back to the Devil". Great title to begin with, second of all, the cover of my version is spectacular, i wish i could find a picture of it, but alas, the internet has failed me again. So without further ado, here is some thoughts from A.W. Tozer.

"In answer to this, I happen to know that young people can be just as responsible before God as older people. The youth who meets Jesus and is converted is just as ready and responsible for inconvienance and cost to himself as is the man of seventy. Jesus Christ never offered amusement or entertainment for His disciples, but in our day we have to offer both if we are going to get the people - because they are common Christians." - pg. 52.

Tozer was talking about Christians who never go beyond skin deep in thier faith and in thier relationship with God. He pointed out a few reasons why, and one of them was the distraction of fun. We want to know if Christianity is going to be fun, because if it's not, we don't want to waste our time. Regardless, he makes a great point that struck home with me in regards to Youth Ministry. I wondered out loud if by focusing on the big wham bam events, the glitz and glamour of youth ministry, have we lost focus on what it is to actually make strong disciples of Christ. Have we settled for a regular attender, rather then a young person who is genuinely seeking God and the deepeing of a relationship with him? Have we sacrificed Good biblical teaching and learning for, funny stories? Have we dumbed down youth ministry so that is better for the crowd? And are we making weak or "Common Christians" because of it? Think about what happens when teens leave youth group...the majority of them fall out of the faith community, there's nowhere for them to fit in and grow, and continue what we think they started in youth group. I was thinking what it would be like to do a youth ministry as somthing small that focused on learning your faith, sharing it with other people, and practising spiritual disciplines, and working our way into the larger church community rather then being so compartmentalized. I wonder if this could work, but then again, work is such a subjective term right. For some people, work in this context means to have 300 kids coming out to a youth event, and not caring what they got out of it, or how it affected them. Other look to number of baptisms and conversions, and still others look at the stuff thats harder to see, life change and relationships with Christ growing and blossoming.

Basically, Tozer has caused me to question, what i truly believe about youth ministry, and what my heart is in that type of a program. I've started to think that we have served the God of width not depth of ministry, and i don't reconsile well with that.

As far as liars go, I am one. I have been struggling with this for a while, the facade of the work disposition. Standard greeting when people arrive, "Good Morning, how are you? Fine thanks, how are you? Good thanks!" This is how it goes, and what bothers me, is that i am not always feeling good. Poignently expressed in my shift last saturday, Friday night, i found out my dad had two tumors in his brain. Needless to say, i was quite, and still am quite shaken up. That next day at work was the worst shift i ever had, but i couldn't just screw off, i needed to work, and serve the customers, and i needed to be pleasent in doing it. Not that CP forces you to put on a happy face, it's just part of working with people. You need to be able to help even when you feel like crap, and thats how it went, but i felt like not asking people how they were, because i knew the question would come in reverse, and i would have to lie in order to avoid and awkward situation that no one, not even i wanted to be a part of.

So thats about it. I also recently read, "The Catcher in the Rye" bizzare book, kinda hope thiers a movie, cause it would be one i like. Now i am starting "The Five Love Languages" by Gary Chapman, who incedently is not Amy Grant's ex-husband, who i heard to day was a drug addict, but i didn't know that, i always just assumed Amy and Vince were dirty homewreckers and Gary was the victim. Oh well.

Song of the day is "Wedding Dress" by my new, and very real friend Derek Webb. Great song, great artist, great ...something.

Peace.

I'll Blog tomorrow

I tried to blog a few days ago, but the blog was lost due to a technical malfunction which i could not forsee. Anyway, it's been quite the week, but i am exhasuted, i worked till 9:30 tonight, so i really need to go to bed, cause i have to work again at nine tomorrow morning. I just wanted to let you know i was still alive and you were never far from my thoughts. I just need to sleep now. Song of the week has been "Home" by Paul Brandt. Check it out. Talk to you all tomorrow. Topics: Liars, reading books, and A.W. Tozer and I talk youth ministry. In the meantime (props to a little known band called Spacehog) enjoy this photograph amd guess which book i read.

Providence, Rhode Island

divine
1. a) Having the nature of or being a deity.
b) Of, relating to, emanating from, or being the expression of a deity: sought divine guidance through meditation.
c) Being in the service or worship of a deity; sacred.


providence
1. Care or preparation in advance; foresight.

Now you may be wondering what divinity (no not Di Vinci) and providence has to do with me and Jon Kramer sitting on my old couch, but let me tell you. So, last weekend was grad weekend at my educational institution. Had i been a creature of intelligance and forsight, i would've graduated that weekend with all my friends who i started my education with. But i didn't, and the pain inflicted by this was taking it's toll. As well, it looked as though i would not be able to see and visit with my good friend Jon Kramer and his wife Kim, who i don't have a picture of. I was quite down. Saturday morning i decided to treat myself to a warm and hearty breakfast courtesy of the Denny's franchise of resturaunts. It was a real ordeal to find a parking spot, but then i did, and a real dandy too, right near the door, but not close enough that i would be able to read anything on the door, had thier been any pertinant information on the door, but still close. I left the confines of my vehicle, and walked briskly to the door, only to find that there actually was pertinant information on the door, and the information was: "debit- credit card machine broken, cash only". Now being a man who rarely carries cash, this proposed a problem and a frustration for me as i had by then been dreaming of a "Moons over my Hammy" for hours. So, i got in my car, and tried to decide where to go. Ricky's or Smitty's? I chose Smitty's because it was closer, and i had brought my Brian McLaren book because i was alone. As i walked into Smitty's i was noticed by some of thier patrons as a friend. Sitting at a giant table was not only the Kramer family, but the Blodgets too! What a party! So i went and had breakfast with them, which was always one of Jon and I's favorite thing to do, especially when "Ellen" was on, and in the end, Blodgey's mom ended up paying for me, now if that wasn't divine providence by God to have Denny's not work out for me, then i don't know what is. Also, Adam Ayer took that awful couch that i didn't want anymore. Good for me, and oh well for him.