Foundations

Today while speaking with Kyle (my mentor) and Shawn (my boss) I realized that here in Vermilion we have some real struggles with youth. No, they aren’t cutting, no they aren’t doing drugs or drinking or having sex or anything like that, well not yet. Here’s the deal, with one particular student, he is having some troubles. He is lonely, he feels left out, he feels all alone. He feels ditched at school and even by some people at youth. It’s hard to believe cause he’s such a good guy! It seems that he ditched a lot of his school friends for this girl that he liked, and then the girl ended up ditching him and now he feels alone. More then that he is trying to find his identity and his self worth in a relationship with this girl, and she is not going to date him so he feels like crap. There are other issues, older siblings, he feels like he has to live up to the shadow that they have cast in his life. His older siblings are not good influences and although his parents love him, he is sometimes ignored because it is such a big family. I love this guy, I hurt for him, I have been where he is. All through high school I thought that I would be happy if I could just get a girlfriend, and that carried on even in to college in some aspects. I didn’t realize it at the time, I thought I just wanted a girlfriend because I liked the girl. I didn’t realize that I felt worthless because I couldn’t get a girlfriend, and that I thought I would feel better about myself if I could get one. This is where he is, he is finding his worth in relationships and he’s not doing too well right now. But what can you do for this kid? More then three pastors have been involved in this guys life, and talked to him about it, tried to put his foundation in Christ, and he will agree and try but he always goes back to the girls. Even now, he is trying to raise the level of his spiritual life, but it’s not for the right reasons. He wants to prove to this girl that he is a spiritual guy as well, as if she will change her mind if he is spiritual enough. I have been there too. I took a quote from the movie “As Good as it Gets” and made it my romance motto. “You make me want to be a better man”. Instead of wanting to be a better man for the girl, I should want to be a better man because God calls me to. Anyway, he has talked about this over and over again, he has been told, we have warned him, we have tried to encourage him and point him in the right direction. Much the same way that my youth pastor tried to do for me, he tried to help me be grounded in Christ and not in my constant crushes and desire for a relationship, but nothing changed until I started realizing many of these things myself. I feel like this is going to be the case for this guy as well, and for most teens. You can teach them, and love them, and try and help them out by showing them the way to a solid relationship with Christ, but eventually they need to figure things out for themselves. They need to go through the heart breaking and heart shaping experiences that make us the people that we are. But we as youth pastors have the dubius task of teaching them what we can and then releasing them to do what they have to do. We continue to pray for them, and we take opportunities to speak into their lives, but at the end of the day we have to realize that there is only so much we can do and then release the kid. I don’t know how good I am going to be at that, because I don’t want teens to be hurt, or learn things the hard way the way I did most of my life, but it looks like that’s what is going to happen. Ok, what am I saying? Teens are so valueable, we teach them, we build into them, we invest in them, and then when the rubber meets the road, they have to make their own decisions. Often they make bad choices, I don’t know why, but they do, and they hopefully learn from it. I pray that their faith is strong enough to overcome some of the heartships that are in store, I don’t know, I am just really worried for this guy and don’t want to see him get hurt, or lose his faith, but at then end of the day, he has to figure this stuff out himself. He has to realize for himself that God is his comfort, his refuge, and the one who gives him purpose. I guess this is another way that God will humble me and break me down, where I have to be on my knees more often, praying for these kids, and also leaving so much, no every part of my ministry with teens in his hands, because really, without him I can do nothing and I don’t even want to try. So I see tough roads ahead, but God will continue to be there for me, as I release kids completely to his care, and as kids step out and test the boundaries. So, those are my random thoughts for the day. I’m headed to Calgary in a few days and am really looking forward to that. Well, I’m not looking forward to the class, but I am looking forward to seeing some old friends, and speaking to some other people about this whole presidency candidation. This whole thing has been shaping my heart as well as the reading I have been doing. It is calling me to a leadership that is as far away from being a zealot that it possibly can. I need to love the students, I need to love the administration, I need to do what is right, and I still need to call our school to a higher standard in Christ Jesus, but not in an angry way, but a loving, pastoral way, while trying to model it for them. Part of my desire in the presidency is to work much closer with other leadership groups, especially the RA’s supporting them because I feel they get hung out to dry the most. Today’s song of the day is by the Beatles. It’s called “You’ve got to hide your love away”. Some of you might be familiar with it because there was a good cover of it by Eddie Vedder (lead singer of Pearl Jam) a few years back. It’s a great song, the Beatles are a great band, and it begins with a little interlude in the studio with the boys. It’s heartwarming. It seems to be about the very thing we were talking about, desire for relationships that end up in heartbreak. We need to be more careful about the people that we offer our heart to, we need to be selective, we need to hide our love away, not that we are to become cold people, but we need to be smarter with our hearts. I need to be smarter with my heart. If you have the desire or the means, check out this song….i dare you.