The Greatest Gift Calgary Has Ever Given Me (EDIT) In the year 2009

Hello Friends and Lovers. That reminds me of a Beatles song - "In My Life" - maybe you've heard it, maybe you haven't - but at the end of the day - who cares - because i have a story to tell.

So i'm in Calgary - I came down for the internship retreat - no I am not going back on internship - though some of you may have hoped for that because the frequency and quality of my blogs were much higher on internship - but no - in fact - I am recieveing an Intern of my own in September, and I had to come down and meet this lad and spend some time doing some training together. It went well - i'm going to try and not be so detailed on the preamble - because as i said i do have a story to tell - but i have been so many places and done so much that if i wanted my preamble could go on for decades (props to the Neil Young Greatest Hits CD of the same name)

Anyhow - the retreat is now over - it was over at like 11:00 this morning - then you may be thinking to yourself (if you are a thinking kind of person) why are you still in Calgary - well don't get all hot and bothered - i will tell you. I am staying a couple extra days to work on and hopefully complete an Ordination research paper with the help of the world renowned Archibald Thompson Library here at Ambrose University College. Sneeze, Sneeze again. Wipe Hand. Continue.

Anyway - did some work on that in the late morning and early afternoon. After that i helped two seperate friends with thier home moving endevours. If there is anything I am good at - it's moving - if this pastor thing doesn't work out - for sure i will become a mover. The future is bright. Anyway - after i had helped my friend Tim move some of his gear to his new Locale, i took my other friend Monica, not to her new home that i also helped her move her stuff to, but to an area of Calgary that i used to live in known as Kensington. She was meeting up with some other friends to hit a pub for beer and wings - two things that i enjoy - though i myself planned on declining thier invite to work on my Ordination assignment - because i am motivated and committed right now. But, with them when i was dropping off Monica was my other friend Hanna who i was planning on hanging with and so needed to talk to - so i parked - got out to chat and then learned something amazing. These friends had gone to a pub and found it packed out. So they crossed the street and tried a different one. When they entered they found it full as well - though this time if was full of the recently defeated and eliminated Calgary Flames. Cool enough situation as it is - but even cooler means that one of my favorite players "Todd Bertuzzi" who now plays for the flames - is also in there. I say to my friend Jon (though not Jon Kramer) "we've got to go in there and talk to Bert" (aka Bertuzzi). And he said - "No I can't go back in - i totally made a fool of myself with Iginla" and I was like - "I don't care - i'm going in"

So i scoured my car for something for him to autograph - i couldn't believe it - I had no Canucks paraphanalia - Brutal -so i found some paper and a working pen - and i started heading for the pub. Then i thought - i should take a picture - so i cleared a couple pictures of my memory card on my phone - and headed in. It was packed and there were faces that i recognized - but i couldn't see Bert. I saw Rhett Warrener - and Adrian Aucoin, and a couple other faces - but no Bert. I went further in - and there he was - hidden deep among the throng of players. I walked a little further in so i didn't look like the creepy stalker that i was - but then i mustered all the testosterone and courage I had - walked right up behind him and said "Hey Bert". He looked up and around and realized it was me a total stranger talking to him and i first said - "could i get your autograph?" - then as he took the pen and paper from me to sign i started blabbering like the idiot I am when i meet celebrities. I said "I loved you when you were with the Canucks" and "I like that you are with the Flames now - even though it's the Flames" and one of the other nameless flames said - "hey he loves you" and i was embarresed because i realized that i just told a 6'4 235lb, bearded, toothless man that i loved him...but i kept going....i said "It's true man - i bought your Jersey after you got traded - because i thought Vancouver treated you like crap" and finally he said - "thanks a lot" - he reached out his big hand to shake mine - i took it and shook it as firmly as i could manage from this state of euphoria and ran out of the pub - i even knocked over a stool on my way out - but i didn't look back - cause i was too excited - i had to supress the urge to skip and jump for joy until i got out of the pub - which i did. It was awesome!
I haven't felt that giddy in a long long time. Then i started calling people and letting them in on my excitement.

and That's my story about meeting Todd Bertuzzi in Calgary and how i wish i wasn't such a uncontrollable fan-boy - but i couldn't help it. It was such a rush - and to actually go up to him and initiate and ask for his autograph that was a big deal - but it was worth it - i may never wash this hand again...shoot...i already did....oh and i didn't get a picture cause i was too stunned just getting the autograph and handshake....anyway...thats my story.

I Feel Like Blogging...But I don't have much to say...

And I find that weird...not that i don't have much to say...because i routinely have not much to say (and because of a certain process i am going through i am not reading much/anything that is stimulating my mind and heart). I'm more suprised by my desire to blog.

What's going on in my life?

1. I'm working at the Edge (our church's youth center) and the kids are playing Rockband 2 - particularly - "You Oughta Know - by Alanis Morrisette. Weird

2. I bought a house - it's slowly being renovated though - not by me because i don't have those skills - though some people say you can aquire them.

3. Tonight for supper Cara made Porkchops - and while I eat them I'm going to watch game four in the series between my beloved Canucks and the St. Louis Blues. Yay Canucks!

4. This week we are having our Man Night Youth Event - it's a milder version of T-Night (Anyone who went to CBC in Regina will know that i'm talking about) with some teaching on manhood. We're also having a ladies night - which is a much tamer version of "G-NO" (CBC Regina again). Both of these events should be top-notch and i'm looking forward to the fun and the good relationships and memories that will come out of these events. Post Script - just to clarify I will not be going to the girls night event.

5. Soon I am going to Calgary to meet my intern.

6. My body is feeling extremely fatigued.

7. Being Authentic is hard work.

8. Truman Capote (at least what i have read so far) was a spectacular story teller.

That is all for now.

Here's the thing

Recently, I've been considering music. Well, let's be honest, i nearly am always considering music. But more specifically i've been considering my top five and then top ten favorite songs of all time. I try to avoid these kinds of "lists" because they are subjective and everyone has a different opinion with no basis on which to judge such lists (or similar lists) ofther then feelings and record sales. Not to mention that for me - to name such a list is to make myself vulnerable. To tell you the songs that have deeply impacted me and wait expectantly for your approval or for your ridicule. I don't like being ridiculed. Especially on the topic of music. Especially since i know so much more about music then most people - but not all people. In fact - i don't mind being ridiculed by people who's musical opinion i don't care for - like people who think that Nickelback is better then Bob Dylan (i don't actually know anyone who has ever said this - but i bet they exist) but it's the people whose opinions i do respect that i fear being condemned, ridiculed, and rejected by. But screw it - I'm going to lay out for you if i can - the ten songs that i love the most/have impacted me the most - whatever that means - in no particular order. By the way - a lot of this thought process carries over from the ultimate question that i have been asked many times - "What is your favorite song?" For a while I had that one figured out - and for a while i even had a criteria that helped me determine the favorocity of a song. To be considered worthy of being called a favorite song - whenever that song would play in your presence you would have to feel an unstoppable urge to rock - or it would have to mentally and emotionally transport you to a better day. If that doesn't make sense...well too bad...it makes sense to me. So without furter delay - here they are - in their entirity...My top ten favorite songs....

a) Where The Streets Have No Name - U2

For many a moon and probably even in a current sense - this is my all time favorite song. To me, this is a song with electricity - a song that moves me in every sense of the word. This is a song best played while driving down the highway on a beautiful sunny summer day or on any other kind of day but it helps you imagine that you are driving down the highway on a beautiful summer day instead of the death snowy day that you are actually travelling in

b) Sweet Child O' Mine - Guns N' Roses

This song is epic. The guitar is memorable. The lyrics are classic. And when I hear this song it makes me want to be a rock star. This song makes me want to stand up and play air guitar. I feel this song in my loins, if that can be said without sounding innappropriatly erotic.

c) Let it Be - The Beatles

What an outstanding song. In fact, I'm going to listen to it right now. It reinforces my love for the piano. It's simple, stripped down - some beautiful lyrics - and it's got this build up in it that i just love - choir like background vocals, quiet drums, and eventually some spectacular guitars. It's a hopeful song to me.

d) Layla - Derek and The Dominos

The cool thing about this tune is that you listen to it and the change that happens you think that Layla is over and some other song is now started. And yet - it all flows together so well - the beautiful piano again - to the powerful potent guitars of Eric Clapton and Duane Allman with Eric's potent lyrics about this love that is "unavailable" (because she is married to George Harrison..or at least she was at the time). This song is also a connection between me and my Dad, because through his own love for this song - he introduced it to me and it blew my mind as much as it blew his.

e) Oh My Sweet Carolina - Ryan Adams

Without a doubt - my favorite Ryan Adams song. It's quiet and introspective with magnificent lyrics that paint such a lonely/painful/beautiful picture. It includes one my favorite all time lyrics - "I ain't never been to Vegas - but I gambled all my life - building newsprint boats - i raced the sewer main". Astounding! What brings this song together is the background vocal performance of Emmy-Lou Harris and the haunting Piano. Anyone starting to see a trend?

f) Only in Dreams - Weezer

Weezer was my life. I caught up with Weezer a few years after they came out. They were quite popular in my youth group - but i resisted for a while - just because i hated to do what everyone else was doing - cause most people were just sheep and didn't have real souls. I'm harsh i know. But then i joined a band - and that band wanted to cover a weezer song - and because of that i bought the Blue Album and my life was legitimatly changed. Such emotional lyrics that often described the lonliness, angst, geekyness, and confusion that plagued my life. The final track of that album was the pinnacle. It wasn't my favorite at the time of original purpose - but the more i listened the more it grew and then when i saw Weezer in concert and they closed out the show with this epic number it has held a special place in my heart. It's an epic song - and i love epic songs. Plus it has the build up - the ultimate build up, where the music is so powerful and well played that you don't need words to express the power of it all.

g) Nothing Else Matters - Metallica

Ok, so i used to love Metallica. I used to be angry and a mainstream metal head. Times have changed i don't rock as hard as i used to - cause my personality became more depressed then angry - but this was Metallica's first foray into something that wasn't heavy neccesarily and it was outstanding. It showed some power and restrained character in Jame's voice. The lyrics were poetic and well delivered. It's funny because this song is the least characteristic of Metallica and yet it is my favorite - i guess that has it's own implications. I think this song helped me transition from Angry to Depressed. Good times.

h) Free Bird - Lynyrd Skynyrd

Did you know that in High School i passed myself off as being named Leonard for like 2 months to some cute grade eight girl when i was in grade nine? Though in my mind it was spelled Lynyrd. Anyway - once again an epic song prevails on my list. For me this song is all about the build up and then the bowel shattering (in a good way) guitar solo.

i) Apparitions - Matthew Good Band

This was a tough one for me - because i think there are songs by Matthew Good or Matthew Good Band that i like more then this one now - but none have impacted me initially as strongly as this one did. I have liked Matt Good in all his variations since i first heard "Symbolistic White Walls" on 99.3 The Fox back in the mid to late nineties. By the time the album "Underdogs" came out - I was a full fledged fan. "Underdog" spawned a ton of great singles - none more gripping then "Apparitions". Matt uses lots of dark imagry and metaphor and if that wasn't enough - his videos were dark as well. Out of all the songs i've talked about so far - this is the one where the music video actually helped make the impact as deep as it was. The song and the video portray the darkness of corperate life - the seedy underbelly if you will - and being "stuck inside our own machines". It's a magnificent tune - and a powerful video - harkening back to a time when music videos helped tell a story in an artistic (not autistic) way.

j) Black - Pearl Jam

The headliner on my original "great depression" mix! Pearl Jam is sweet. And this song was my theme song for like a year. A very, very crappy year - filled with awesome music! This is to me - the ultimate song of unrequited or lost love. Musically it is great - everything comes together to make an amazing song - but what stands out to me - what grabs me for sure is the lyrics and most specifically this lyric - "I know someday you'll have a beautiful life - I know you'll be a sun - in somebody elses sky - but why - why - why - can't it be mine". The lyrics themselves are great but the searing, honest, vicious (in a good way) delivery from Eddie Vedder convince you that this was a true life experiance that he is expressing from the depths of his soul - and one that at the time (actually several times) - totally identified with.

Honorable Mentions: I'll Be There For You - Bon Jovi, Hotel California - The Eagles, All I Want is You - U2, Hey Jude - The Beatles

So thats my top ten. It actually came out easily - because i didn't put a ton of thought into this beyond some songs that i had already identified from other times in my life when questions such as this arose. I didn't have a list or anything - i just started typing and out it came - which to me is cool - cause if i didn't really have to think about it - then these songs came from my soul/heart which is better then coming from my head or arse.

Post Script - I should be working on my sermon - but i don't feel like it right now - and i tried to talk to Troy on MSN - but he bailed - apperantly he's working or something...

Only Christian Music and Self Pity Edition to copy Jon Kramer's Edition Blog Title

So, a while back i decided to only have uplifting - Christian music on my itunes at work. Oh. And U2. Cause they are pretty much Christian aren't they? I also have two Beatles Songs, and one random Barenaked Ladies offering - but the song by the BNL was actually written by Bruce Cockburn and i heard he became a Christian so by default that can count as well. As for the Beatles, I remember hearing some quote about them and Jesus....what was that again...oh well, i'm sure it was fine. Anyway - I wish i had a wider variety of music on my work itunes because i don't feel like listening to David Crowder, Derek Webb, Hillsong, Jars of Clay or any of the four other Christian artists that i don't hate.

Oh yeah...it's one of those days....

So, last night after a particularly good evening with my missions trip team - i was driving home listening to Death Cab for Cutie's essential album - "Transatlanticisim". I thought to myself - there are some really cool songs on this record - i think i should blog about it tomorrow. Well tomorrow is here - and despite my enjoyment of this record - i can't blog about it today. In fact - I can hardly believe I'm blogging at all.

This is how my last five days has looked.

Saturday
9am - 3:30pm: Make Perogies
3:30-4:20: shower, clean myself, drive back to town
4:20pm - 1:00am Drive to Edmonton, Watch Canucks Lose to Oilers, Drive Home.

Sunday
7:00am - 10:20am - Family get ready for Church
11:00am - 12:15pm - Church
1:00pm - 11:30pm - make perogies

Monday
7:00am - 7:00pm - Father my child
8:00pm - 9:30pm - Small Group

Tuesday
7:00am - 8:30am - Get ready for work
9:00am - 6:00pm - Work
6:00pm - 9:30pm - Missions Team Meeting Time

Wednesday
7:00am-8:30am - Get ready for Work
9:00am - now - work

I don't know why i felt like i should lay that out for you - and maybe you don't think it's all that impressive - but the truth is...I am spent. I don't feel like working, i don't feel like blogging, or at least i feel like i have nothing left to give at this point - to anything - work, family, self, God. Add to that people disappointed with the over 13,000 perogies we made and wanting thier money back - you have the makings of a forgettable day.

Part of me wants to end this blog with a happy - God will give me strength kind of thing - and i know he will - but part of me also wants to live in my frustration a bit longer - to dwell on it, cause thats what i do....ever since i started becoming self aware - i noticed i like to dwell on my unhealthy and negative emotions and situation. To become engrossed in them - to feed them, and for me thats not healthy. So i guess i will try to believe and live in the strength and encouragment of the God who i knows holds the key to the true source of all those good things.

Plus, I can't go to Joel Plaskett. or U2 and I get these things rubbed in my face.

Ps. I still don't feel happy