A Confession of Sorts

(a note to the reader...this blog is not actually about Dashborad Confessional, don't worry. But these are thoughts that come from my mind on the subject of confession, that were stimulated by the reading of Larry Crabb's book Connecting which i highly recommend by the way...anyway, i had some time at work to do some more reading and this is the product of that reading and thinking...beware, there are way more questions then answers)

"...is confession (Roman Catholic Confession) possible in today's churches? Do we run legal risks, reporting abuse, crime and what not? Is there a way to update the old system yet ressurect the art of confession. Not to mention the emphasis we put on a man being alone with a woman being a dangerous situation for pastors and married folk alike, we would have to do something about that issue, like having a second, silent observer/listener to maintain the safety of reputations and scandals that would for sure take place. Also this could not be about coming to confess problems (my husband doesn't understand me, i have self esteem issues cause Jon Morrison took my lunch in grade school, psycho babble) but to confess sin and find forgiveness and repentance with another believer. Note, the forgiveness and repentance does not come from the other believer, it's finding these things with another believer. It would fall to Pastors and Elders to hear confession. Would people buy into this concept again or react harshly against the R.C. connotations? There is also too much judgement and fear of judgement for this to work. Gossip. Which is what we need to purge from our churches. To see someone coming from or going to confession, or being seen...oooh, I wonder what they were confessing? Or I've been seen, guilt and fear. Our modern confessionals take shape in accountability groups. Do women even have these and how often do they actually work for men? Maybe we need to teach people how to confess again in churches. How can leaders/pastors model this for the flock? Being held in higher levels of scrutiny, If I confess some of the things that actuallyexist in my mind and heart I couldn't or wouldn't be allowed to be a pastor. Can we show our congregations how to confess without giving an all access pass to our deep dark sis? Not because we want to dife our stuff and being a pastor allows us to do that, but because there seems to be a need to have that seperation between pastor and congregation, leaders and those we lead. If they knew us deeply, could they follow? Would we be better leaders if we could confess everything, less successful in the worlds eyes, but better none the less? Would the fear of having to publicly confess be seen as a holy productive fear or a selfish fear? We need confession for sure, but how do we do it? How as leaders, leading people and how as sinners needing to confess? Crabb seems to advocate confession or at least suffering and healing to come from a few deep, connected relationships rather then from large groups. How can we as leaders facilitate that? Deep relationships for all to fall back on, and by fall back on, i mean relationships where this confession and repentance and healing can all take place. Small groups I think in principle, but rarely or not often enough in practical situations..."

even as i typed this from my notes, i thought more and more about the organic church, and how these tiny churches built out of relationships can be so effective. In regular church, people are in small groups, cause it's what you do if you go to church, not because they want to form and develop deep friendships that flow from Christ's love for us, and then extend to each other as believers and then further out into the community. Thats what we pastor type people would like to see as small groups, but too often small groups just ease our concious which tells us we don't go to church enough or perhaps we can improve our knowledge or show off our knowledge or whatever. Small groups need to be about relationships and Christ and then we might get somewhere with them. This last paragraph may have had some serious generalizations and cynical but misguided statements. Don't judge me too harshly, it's past eleven at night, and i am fried, and i am writing on emotion know, and we all know that can get dangerous. Besides, the Gilmore Girls are waiting for me. Season Three episode nine baby! Woo-Hoo

Peace and Love to you all.

Word of the day: milieu

Since returning to this academic milieu, i have noticed two things. I like school better then my current finance raising position. and two, school till nine fifteen pm, is better the school at eight fifteen am.

In the meantime though, besides my academic pursuits, the possibility of this place pictured becoming my new home for financial pursuits has been moving to the forefront. Since my friend and former Mentor Kyle, resigned his position of Youth Pastor, i have been wondering, if i the job would come to me. Well it hasn't yet, but it might. Parkview Alliance Church in Vermilion has asked me to come and candidate for the position of Associate Pastor (mostly youth...right, thats what they all say!). But anyway, Cara and I have agreed. What this means is: I am the only person on the list for the job, so it's mine to lose. Well, in a way. You see, both sides of this process will be seeking Gods leading very seriously, and also, we will be looking at personality mixes and so on and so forth, practical things to decide whether or not this will be a good fit for both me and my family (aka Cara) as well as the church. The actual process of candidation will take place over a weekend in November, where among other things i will have to preach again, which is exciting because i like preaching, but also a little freaky cause i don't know what to preach on, but i have some time to figure it out. Well, it would appear that i have some time, but really my life is so busy right now, it's quite annoying. Adding in Homework may have been a bad decision but a neccesary one since i am hoping to graduate at some point (aka: April 2007, but i will be done classes forever in Dec. 06. Woo Hoo). So if the Vermilion thing goes through then i will be starting in January, which is a particularly cold month, so i don't look forward to moving during that time, but what has to be done has to be done right? Hopefully we can get a moving company, that would be preferable, cause then all we have to do is box everything up and meet the movers at the house, which would be something else to consider, where will we live? Possibly at her parents other house, or maybe not, or maybe at her parents house for a short time, and then take the house that her brother and sister are living in now, but think they will be out of by July. Who Knows. Way to much on my mind for something that hasn't even happened yet, but these are the things i think about and usually supress, so everyone thinks i'm not thinking ahead too much and acting mental. Well, now the secrets out. Speaking of which, i have some personal business to attend to before i make it to my second class, so you will have to excuse me. Wait before I go, Cara and I are going to a Canucks game tomorrow night. Yes, it is pre-season, and yes, i won't get to see Luongo, Naslund, The Sedins, Linden, Ohlund, or even the very expensive Ryan Kesler, but i will get to see Luc Bourdon, our star defenseman prospect. I'm not too worried about seeing all the vets in action, there will be time for that before i leave Calgary again (which by the way, i am looking forward to) i am just happy to see an NHL game of hockey, because i love hockey, and when it's not being played i am like a starving little mexican person lost in the desert with no water, no life giving substance, trying to make it to September all the way from June without the thing which he loves almost the most. Anyway, Hockey's back and so my disposition will be cheerier in real life, unless the Canucks suck hard, then i will be sad, but i will love them anyway, speaking of which, maybe i should blog my predictions. You guys would be interested in that right!? haha

love
The Shaolin.

Song of the day: The Man - Pete Yorn. From his latest album, features vocals from the Dixie Chicks, nice touch Pete. Check it out, for old times sake.

Back to School

So, i haven't blogged in a while. I hate opening my blogs like that. Late nights, and early mornings prevent me from spending too much time on the old internetski, so my blogging has suffered. Enough of that.

Today is and was my first day of classes. Also my only day of classes every week. I do slightly enjoy being back, but in a way that helps me press on towards the goal of completeing my schooling. The only class i have had so far today was pastoral councelling, and i can tell already, that it is going to be a challenging course. Challenging in that it will cause me to really do some soul searching and then take that honest soul searching (and psycho anyalizing) and put it down on paper for my prof and in some instances, my classmates to see. Tough, since i am realizing how guarded i may actually be even to myself. I guess you could say that todays role playing in class, and just talking about the role of cousellors has freaked me out, but also it has made me realize how ineffective i am, and how significant this type of a ministry is, and thus how much i need to rely on God for anything worthwhile to come out of this type of a ministry or opportunity. (i need to rely on God completely i decided). Other people's lives and psyche's (rhymes with Nike's) are in our hands and i feel not only unworthy, but scared to death to make a wrong move. Thank God for his Spirit, which leads us and guides us and works through us.

My second class is Psychology of the Family, and i am not expecting much from it, but i guess we shall see. I also have to stay until 9:15pm, which i find gay, but also, i'm thankfult that my classes are just one day a week so i can continue to work and help pay the bills. Speaking of bill paying people behind me are talking and i can't concentrate. It's kind of weird, cause ususally i can block it out, but apperantly not today. So i need to bring this blog to an end, because i'm losing focus. Hope you are all well, and are reassured that i am not dead.

ps. it's september 11....how does that make you feel?