Perspective

Welcome Back friends.

I have indeed returned from Nova Scotia, and am sitting comfortably back here in "the city i live in, the city of angels, lonely as i am together we cry".

Quick! Name that tune!

Anyway, i'm back, and i'm having trouble sleeping. It sucks majorly. This is probably some of the worst jet-lag i have ever had in my life. Worse then when i went to the Philippines too.

So what has been permeating in my brain since this tragedy occured. Well, certainly, Death has a profound affect on you. It causes you to see the world in a new light, and for myself this was particularly true, as it was the first real funeral i have ever attended and the closest person to my that has ever died.

Death makes you think about yourself. For instance, it makes you realize how quickly and suddenly your life can be taken from you, how not everyone is going to live until they are 85, and pass into the next life quietly and painlessly. You realize you are not exempt from death, and when thinking about death, it causes you or at least it caused me to think about life. Am i living my life in a way that will leave me with no regrets when i die. And i'm not talking about taking risks and living an extreme life, with bungee jumping and skydiving and so on, but am i living in such a way that i am concious about my relationships. For instance, my sister and i argued a few times while we were in Nova Scotia. I regret not clearing it up right away because who knows what could happen, and if the last words i spoke to my sister were mean and harsh, how terrible would i have felt and vice versa. It's ok, to be upset and argue, but like it say's in God's word "do not let the sun go down on your anger". I don't want to die and have someone mad at me or me be mad at someone. It's not worth the pain.

Also, like i said before, death can come swiftly, and so in that respect, are we living lives that honour God, and speak to the people around us of his love and his glory? I want to be more conciencios of the things i say and do, so that as i serve God, i can serve him better by having less flippant and off the cuff comments and actions make him look like he doesn't matter to me. I want to live a life that reflects the beauty of my Lord. I was able to do that this last week and i did well in some ways, but in other ways i dropped the ball. One reletive questioned my love and forgiveness quotiant as i head into ministry because of how i argued with my sister. It doesn't matter who was right or wrong, but when that person said that, it cut me, and i responded with an aggressive attitude and cutting remarks. Defence Mechanism i guess, too much pride to admit i was wrong. In that regard i didn't do a great job of revealing Christ in me, but in other ways i did. As i cared for my grieving mother, as i spoke the eulogy on behalf of my family, as i tried to point us to christ and his mercy, and grace, and love when things looked bleak. I guess it's give and take sometimes.

Mu Uncle Derrick who passed away was survived by his parents. My grandmother wept like nothing i have ever seen as she buried one of her children. It was hard to watch, it was heartbreaking. But it made me think, what if one of my children dies, how hard would that be, and i think many other people at the funeral were thinking about it too. You could see it in people's eyes as my grandparents mourned. If that should ever happen to me, i hope that i can approach it with the grace and confidance that my grandparents did. Oh, it hurt them, but my grandfather was able to live in the confidance of his son's salvation, and the peace and comfort of the Lord, and i don't know how to be honest. What a painfully crippling situation. I don't know what the point is of this i guess, but just to say to lose a child sucks, and i was able to see Christ in this situation, which made it easier, though it was incredibly difficult.

These are just some of the thoughts that rolled around in my head one night as i layed trying to sleep and listening to Ryan Adams and the Cardinals on a futon in Little Anse, Nova Scotia. The rest i will share later.

Song of the day is "Naked as we came" by Iron and Wine. I have been hearing little snippits of this fantastic band for quite a while now, since last year, but yesterday i was able to procure thier album from Tim Houghton. I am borrowing it from him, and listening to it now. It's slow and acoustic, which is nice right now. I don't think i could've handled much more right now. Anyway, Iron and Wine, they are sweet, check out "Naked as We Came" if you have the means and or the desire. It's about death, and the communication about wishes between two people in a relationship. Check it out, cause i'm checking out. Peace, and Love

the shaolin