Wish you were here.

Hey Teens, whats happening.

Have you ever been discontent with where you are? I don't mean the kind of discontentment that can spur you on to greater things, but i mean like, for instance i am in Calgary, and though i love it here, this is not where i want to be right now.

As you well know i went camping on the weekend with Cara and her family and other friends. It was a great weekend, the details of which i can divulge later, but the truth is, i want to be back there, or more specifically in Vermilion.

Here's the scoop. As we (Cara, Tina, and myself) came back from camping, we decided to have lunch together at the ever popular Sammy's resteraunt in Vermilion. So we went, and it was fun. It was good to be back in Vermilion. As we drove into town and i was greeted by familier sights and places, my heart was warmed. But now that i am not there, i feel oh so glum. It's not even just about Cara. Vermilion has been my home for the last year or so, and i feel so good being there. I love the town, i love the community, i love the people, i love the relationships i have built, i love the church, and now i feel like i have to start all over. Now that i am not there, i miss it so friggen much. I came home tonight to an empty apartment, no one to greet me, no one to talk to, and i called Cara to let her know i got home safe, and we talked for a few minutes, and i ached to be with her. She was feeling sick, stomach ache and brutal headache, and i just wanted to get in my car and drive home to Vermilion. That's right, Vermilion has become my home, thats where i feel at home, thats where i feel content and happy. So then, i clean up, try and do laundry, but the washer is broken. So i go to drown my sorrows in subway and slurpee, and as i am sitting there eating my delicious sandwhich, the song "I'm already there" by Lonestar comes on the speakers. For those of you who don't know it's about a dad/husband who is away from his family, and he misses them so much, and as if i needed to hear that song right at that moment of the day. Whose the adwizard behind that one!? So i was sitting there, listening to that song, feeling more homesick/lonely/depressed then ever before, and just thinking about how malcontent i am. And how that is not a good thing. I kid you not, i just about packed my stuff and drove back to Vermilion right there. I was ready to quit my job and go back to the town i love, just to be there. I can't describe the impact this place has had on my heart. It feels like home. To make matters worse, Cara just emailed me and it made me miss her even more. (Note to readers: Long distance relationships are the foulest creation known to mankind, even worse the headcheese!). Anyway, i have been thinking about how i need to find my contentment in Christ and not in the circumstances i am in or not in, or the places i am in, or not in more specifically. As much as i know this to be true, it is so hard, because my heart desires to be somewhere else and my heart does not want to be denied these longings, but i suppose that contentment is not about forgetting about the wants and needs of your own heart, as much as it is allowing God to lead you in his ways which is best. It's about allowing God's heart to join with yours in wanting to be in Vermilion and allowing him to bring your heart to a place where you are trusting in him and that the knowledge you have in your heart, or i have in my heart that i was supposed to come to Calgary, is good enough for my to trust him and allow it to change my outlook and lose my malcontentedness. I think it's working a bit already. Thanks to God, and Radiohead, though i think the two might be related. I'm sorry i was such a whiney baby for today's blog, i really did have a great weekend, but it's just that i miss vermilion so much, and i miss cara so much, and the way i feel, or what is on my mind is what i blog about. Thats how it goes.

Song of the day is "Let Down" from Radioheads epic glory known as "OK Computer". Thats what i am listening to as i blog, and read emails and look blankly at the screen and eat my slurpee, which despites it's frozen texture has yet to give me the lift that i hoped it would. Figures don't trust slurpee's from Mac's to do anything right. Anyway, i haven't listened to "OK Computer" in a very long time, and to be honest i don't know it as well as i know "Pablo Honey" or "The Bends" but i do enjoy in my heart. Anyway, so the truth is i didn't really know this song, but i was listening to it and it is right before "Karma Police" on the album, so thats how i remember it as a specific song, and as one that i really to enjoy. So if you have the means and or the desire, i offer to you "Let Down" by Radiohead. In fact, this isn't normall done, but if you have the means and or the desire, listen to the whole album "Ok Computer" by Radiohead. It's glorious. Anyway, i am going to possibly go to bed, but i think i might watch a movie on my laptop.