To Find Some Beautiful Place to Get Lost

It’s 10:26pm. I am preaching this weekend, and my sermon is no where near where I wish it was in preparation. I feel so uninspired. I wonder if the guys who wrote the bible ever felt this way. Like they knew that God has a message for them to write down, but it just wasn’t happening. That’s how I feel right now. I am supposed to preach about the Sabbath, and I just don’t know where to go with the sermon, and every time I seem to think I have direction I try to flush it out and I hate it. I get discouraged and I can’t seem to get any work done. This has actually been harder for me to do then any sermon, speech, presentation, anything in my life.

So I ran away. I went and buried my mind in other things. Mind numbing things, and then I went out and played soccer for an hour or so. That was ok, it could’ve been better, we lost daylight pretty quickly because we started sort of late.

I am really tired; I don’t have much to say tonight. I am feeling down, I want to just get this sermon over with. I feel burdened by it right now. I feel like as soon as I step down off the stage, and out of the pulpit I will be so relieved. It’s the last major thing I have to do for my internship. Next week is pretty much relational stuff, cleaning out my office, packing up and moving to my new home, and getting more training for my new job.

The first ever band I was in was called “Num” and I was reading my previous paragraphs and all the while listening to Elliott Smith, and when I read the part about mind numbing, it made me think of “Num”. You see the thing about “Num” was that none of us knew how to play the instruments really at all, but we wanted to learn and be a band. I was going to be the drummer, but when I got home and told my parents, they said no, cause it was too expensive and we had nowhere for me to put and practice on a drum set. I was sad. Anyway, one day, we made music videos. We just lip-synced to three popular songs that we liked and we each took a turn pretending to sing lead vocals. Jason, who was our guitarist in training, chose “Today” by the Smashing Pumpkins. Brendan, our bassist, did “When I Come Around” by Green Day, and I did “Basket Case”, also by Green Day. I wish I could see that video. It would be the kind of thing you would see on Jeremiah’s freak show video, except it would be about me.

Anyway, song of the day is “Five Days in May” by Blue Rodeo. I have been really getting into Blue Rodeo lately. I wouldn’t call myself a die-hard and devoted fan, but I like what I have heard anyway. “Five Day’s in May” is an amazing song; Blue Rodeo is kinda countryish, rockabilly even. Anyway, if you have the means and or the desire you should check out this song, it’s a great song. It has some great lyrics; it’s a good story kind of a song. I Miss a lot of people today.