Still Fighting It

So I was going to say I have made a decision to not write blogs when I am in an emotional state, but in saying that, it would take out almost everything I do. I realize that my emotions can’t control me and they don’t do it nearly as much as they used to, so I am improving, but to dismiss emotion all together would be a huge mistake on my part. Emotional swings are part of life, they make life miserable, but they also make life amazing, and they also make it so you can know the real person behind the blog and identify with the sometimes deep, sometimes shallow emotions that I feel and write about.

With that being said, I move onto my next point. God is Great. I’m sure you have all been aware of my struggles about where I would live and what I would do. As you also may know, I decided that I would officially move to Calgary. Well apparently God had other plans. Today I accepted a position here in Vermilion that has the potential to pay for my entire year of schooling and living in 6 weeks, which is the length that I will hold the position. The scary thing is, this will be the most stretching job that I will have ever had, because it is so out of my element in a way that no job has been before. I will be working mixing fertilizer and working in a warehouse full of farming chemicals. Bizarre huh? I found out about the job from the lady who is the director of our Children’s Ministry here at Parkview, so I looked into it and was given the job. Praise God for still working despite me nearly shrugging it off and sticking to my guns. What else is there to say other then how great is my God? I love that had everything so totally wrong and he just moved me enough and set circumstances up just right so this would come together. Praise God!

So I’ve started reading a new book. “Searching for God knows what” by Donald Miller. Similarly to my other reactions to Miller’s work, I have been enthralled. Today, I thought I had a meeting at 3:30, so I drove to the Church where I was supposed to meet these people, and I rolled my windows down, and I pumped my “Mike’s Sweet Ass Mix” (which is a mix of popular love ballads from Aerosmith to the Backstreet Boys and Bon Jovi to N’Sync ect) and read for an hour until the meeting was actually supposed to start, it was truly a great way to spend an afternoon, I would recommend it to anyone.

Have you ever been sitting somewhere wondering what that smell is and the realized it was your feet?......uh, yeah, me neither…..

Anyway, I got through three chapters this afternoon and was struck by one or two things that Donald Miller had to say. Miller was talking about how, many people knowingly or not, have reduced their Christianity to a formula. Then he say’s this: “So if the difference between Christian faith and all other forms of spirituality is that Christian faith offers a relational dynamic with God, why are we cloaking this relational dynamic in formulas?”

By formula’s Miller means the hoops we jump through that we think will impress God and get us in his good books. The things we do, not because we want to commune with God, but because we think that is the proper protocol for a Christian. Almost things that are habit, and we just do it just because.

That’s a hard thing to hear, because it’s true. Christianity is not known as a relationship with the creator of the universe. It’s seen as a place where judgmental, love-lacking, prejudiced, narrow minded people get together and look for ways to end other people’s happiness. I don’t want people to think that about God, I don’t want people to think that about people who are supposed to be in relationship with him, yet how much of the outworkings of my faith have communicated this, or even, how have I seen this in others and just let it go, not admonishing in a loving way. We are too scared to actually call each other on things because we don’t want to make people mad, and I know it’s not easy, but I am beginning to think, that I would rather have someone mad at me and have that person be a better follower of Christ, that sit and let people defame God and his love for us. I don’t know where this is going, but I can see people’s eye’s widening and getting scared for next year at school where they think I am going to be a big bastard and tell people off, well, don’t worry folks, I’ve learned about grace this year too, I hope no one really thought that about me, I’m not like that, but I am just tired of ignoring things that actually end up hurting people and being so concerned about their feelings that I let them go on making a fool of themselves and of God, and end up being totally devastated when someday someone finally tells them, and lovingly tries to set them straight. That being said, I am not claiming to have it all together, I am not with it, like recently when I was having my crisis, my dark night of the soul, Jenica Wilson had some brilliantly wise words to share with me, that I distinctly believe were from God, but I couldn’t see the forest from the trees as Marilyn Manson so tenderly described it.

I just want to share one more quote with you from Miller. “In my opinion there are two essential problems with believing God is somebody He isn’t. The first problem is that it wrecks your life, and the second is that it makes God look like an idiot.”

I love that Quote!

Today’s song of the Day is by my good friend and future roommate Ben Folds. His song “Still Fighting It” might just be one of the most amazing and best songs ever. It’s only the second song ever to cause me to be an emotional wreck in the weeping sense. It’s a beautiful coming of age song, where Ben seems to be reflecting on his relationship with his father and also his relationship with his child. I don’t know it sounds like a father son kind of thing, and when I listen to it and sing it (particularly on long lonely car drives to Calgary from Vancouver) it makes me miss my father and appreciate the good relationship I have with him, and just the loving relationship that I have with him, and how much I love my father. It causes me to get all emotional, actually the other song that makes me weep is also related to my father (what’s my deal?). Anyway, the imagery is really beautiful and powerful to me, and I just love this song and thought I would share it with you. It’s from his solo debut “Rockin’ The Suburbs”. So if you have the means or desire you should check this song out. Even if that means, the next time you hang out with me, you ask me to bring the CD so you can listen to that song. It’s worth it. Peace out my children.

“Good morning son. I am a bird. Wearing a brown polyester shirt”