what to do?

I find myself dealing with many quandries these days. Quandries about money, quandries about family, quandries about baby names (though not really), quandries about the future, and most importantly (haha) quandries about this blog.

Yes it's true, i don't post very often anymore. And i'm sure no one reads this anymore, since really, i haven't had anything to say to the online world since October of 2007, but every once in a while, my heart beats to talk to no one in particular, and spill my guts through the keys of my computer, and so the blog lives for now.

It's been quite the year. I came into the job thinking i knew more then i did, and thinking i was better prepared then i was. I've made mistakes, not followed through on all the things that i thought were most important, caved to pressure, and learned a lot. I'm still learning how to lead a team, and how to delegate and give responsibilities to other people to give them ownership of ministry. Most of all, i think it's been difficult in this area to "demand" or "ask for" more committment. It's easy for me (sometimes) to be committed to the goals of my ministry, after all, they are my goals right, and also because it's my job, i get paid to do this, i have more invested in the whole thing. I wish i could lead people into the passion and desire for youth that i have. I haven't done a great job, but i'm not angry at myself, i've seen all of this as learning as i go. And thankfully my church has been gracious enough to extend that to me, not expecting me to know everything and be perfect. I guess that's just my biggest struggle from this year. I mostly know where I want to go, but how can i take people there with me. Thats what i am working on mostly in my head and somewhat on paper, but thats one of the big changes i want to see for the fall when we begin a new year of youth ministry.

I could ramble because i haven't done this in a while, and you my faithful internet people nameless, and shapeless, and even some who are shameless are in the dark about many situations in my life, but i think i will leave it there for now, and come back another day feeling refreshed and ready to tackle this responsibility again.