feeling lost and wanting to watch it

So, over the last couple months, i have been reading about Jesus. Thinking about Jesus. Talking about Jesus, praying to Jesus, worshiping Jesus, trying to be like Jesus, and trying to get others to do all of the above. So i've come to a conclusion. It's hard to be like Jesus. I'm sitting here at the youth center where i work, and it's filled (ok not actually filled) but there are kids here, most if not all of whom don't know Jesus. And so, what should i be doing? I should be building relationships with them...because i think in most cases before you can really share the gospel with someone...you need to build a legitimate relationship with them, and also not just see them as targets or projects for proselytization....but as someone you actually care about. Here's the problem. Doing that is difficult. And somehow i feel a little ripped off, not to say that Jesus didn't do the relational thing, he did with his disciples and other people who were close to him, but then there were also situations where he could just walk up to someone and speak to them authoritativly, or something. Thats not coming out right. He was just more natural with people who were "non-religious". I care for these people, for these kids, but some of them are annoying, and even the ones who are not annoying, i find in so hard to connect with them here at the youth center. I wish i could be more like Jesus, in that people are drawn to him, and he was able to get that instant connect with people, especially people that other people generally reject...but sometimes ( like today) i feel more like a rejector, rather then someone who loves the unloveable etc. Other days are btter, but not today....i'm an extremist though, a fatalist of sorts, i realized that a long time ago when i was deeply into my rock and roll life (imaginary rock and roll life) when it was all or nothing, and broken hearts, and suicide, and drunkenness, and depression, and highest highs of joy when things go right, but deepest depths when things go wrong. I'm not quite that bad anymore, but it seems to come out when i write out my feelings, because i most feel like writing or being creative when i am depressed. It's an old habit of mine from back in the day