Leadership Hopefully

Good Afternoon Peeps. My brain isn't functioning right now very well, I'm in a fog (not a london fog, though both the geographical and liquid versions would probably both be welcomed right now) My mind is empty, but full it's weird. I posted a comment on Jon Kramer's blog not too long ago, because he had posted about leadership, and i mentioned how it was my intention to post my recent thoughts on the subject as well. Well, since my mind is not working I thought - sounds like a good time to blog. Also, I'm waiting for the mechanic to call me and tell me my Car is finished being fixed. So, I have some time and mental capacity to kill. Also, by commenting on Jon's blog - i put pressure on myself to actually do this, wheras, had i not said anything, i wouldn't feel obligated to make such a post. So, with all that in mind (obligation and mental incapacties) read on with hopes for something somewhat readable.

Leadership. Everyone is always talking about leadership. People are writing books about it, people are taking tests about it, people are comparing and contrasting...blah, blah, blah, blah. Leadership. Am I one? I've always thought that I was...but recently i have been questioning it. Am I actually a leader? Do i have what it takes to get people to follow me? Cause isn't that the mark of a leader? Someone who people follow?

A couple weeks ago, I sat down with my boss over a Tony Romo's lunch and we discussed my job description. You see, I wanted to say my "new job description", but it can't be "new" if i've never had an "old job description". I had some questions that needed to be answered, words and thoughts that needed to be clarified, and over this lunch I recieved what i was looking for. One of the questions i had, had to do with the word leadership. In my job description - one of the required skills was - "high leadership skills". And my question was..."What does that mean?". What I wanted to know was - for my boss - what does leadership look like? Does he have a vision or expectation of what leadership is that fits with my expectation? And moreover does it fit with my abilities? I was seriously doubting that for a few days. Out of the conversation, came the observation that it was believed and recognized that leadership skills and abilities do exist in my skill set. But the real observation (which also served as a sort of wake up call to me) was that, it seemed as though i might be trying to lead from a place that was unnatural to me. Meaning - I was trying to lead like someone else. I suppose even in my own mind, subconciously perhaps, I had an understanding of what leadership looked like...and it looked a lot like my former boss. Words like "visionary" come to mind. He had great ideas, and more then that, he had the passion and the ability to get other people passionate about his great ideas, and even beyond just getting them passionate, he had an ability to get people to find there places on his team and follow him. It was awesome! And the observation followed that perhaps I was trying to lead out of that place, rather then the place where MY actual leadership skills and natural abilities lie. All of the sudden it made sense - as i was questioning if i was even a leader or just a follower in leaders clothing - it dawned on me, that perhaps my lack of fruit with leadership came from trying to live out a model of leadership that was not me. (Props to the Beach Boy's song "That's Not Me"....man the Beach Boys are cool)

The problem now remains, that although i have some confidence in the idea that yes, maybe, perhaps, I am a leader...I really don't know my leadership anymore. In fact, in a lot of ways, i feel like i don't know myself, or at least my self awareness has declined significantly. People are noticing things in me, that i'm not seeing until they point it out. In order to discover my strength's in leadership - i've got to figure out what they are - and i'm not totally sure where to go from here. I have a general distrust for Christian leadership tests - or tests of any kind - I think I want people to speak into my life and just tell me where my strengths are and where they aren't. It's much easier that way - but when other people are telling me, it's a lot easier to dismiss them as character heretics.

Regardless of what i figure out, i have a burden lifted off me just knowing that i have the freedom to lead in my comfort zone and my strengths and i'm not going to lose my job, just cause i'm not gifted in the way "stereotypical" leaders are.

My Van is still not ready - but i'm running out of things to say. I've given up pop again, because of my affliction, and today has been really hard, because i am really thirsty - yet have nothing to drink that isn't sugar filled and carbonated. I almost gave in to the temptation of Dr. Pepper - but in the end - i stayed strong.

That is all.