The Shaolin Chronicles

I almost blogged the other day....

2010-06-22T22:27:00.001-06:00

...and the title speaks for itself

Lazy Day Posting

2009-12-30T14:36:00.002-07:00

This morning i talked to my friend Jon Kramer. One of the things that came up in conversation was that it was time for me to blog again. I Confessed my lack of inspiration or blogworthy news, and yet here i am.

One of my worst habits (and if this is one of my worst habits, then i am doing pretty good) besides returning books and movies to the library late is not responding to facebook email messages. I don't know why - but for some reason, once i read them i forget about them. And some of them are important.

Anyway - my dad sent me one a couple weeks ago - and it was just a slideshow of pictures of the lower mainland - Vancouver area set to a Bruce Cockburn song that i had forgotten i had ever heard. But it made me miss B.C. - for pretty darn near the first time in my life - i had a yearning to go home and to appreciate the natural beauty that i grew up in the midst of. I want to go home and watch the rain - i want to sit by the ocean and stare up at the mountains - i want to go hunting for bald eagles (not like hunting with a gun) - though i hope to get to do that sometime this year if my friends in Vermilion live up to all thier grandiose promises - though again not hunting for Eagles - apperantly for Coyotes - cool.

And i realize that perhaps this is a sefish blog - because unless you are a displaced British Columbian like myself you may not appreciate the desire for all things British Columbian and in particular lower-mainlandian - vancouvorian right now. I remember when i went to BC on my own for a conference, and really enjoying myself - riding the seabus every morning - walking the streets like i was seeing it all again for the first time.

So that is all - a lingering homesickness for the beauty that i have almost always taken for granted, or maybe it's partly a desire to be somewhere different for a time. Either way - here is a link for the video - the pictures aren't all amazing - like you wouldn't see any of them in a Natural Geographic Magazine or anything - but it's the memories associated with them that affect me. (except for the random picture that i can only assume is of the video poster's children)

Peace out.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W_NeFrQAF1Q

something to consider

2009-11-01T23:08:00.002-07:00

Yes, i know my recent rash of blogs have been shallow and meaningless. I haven't had many deep or important thoughts worth sharing of recent, and so in some ways i have treated my blog as an in depth twitter account - puking out whatever worthless meanderings spill forth from my noggin to my fingertips to your eyes. That is assuming anyone reads this, but at this point - i hardly care. But i do apologize. I think back to when blogging was new, and it felt like everything was new and brilliant, and there was a community of other bloggers to confirm those feelings. Now, i am a lonely blogger, who doesn't find profundity as often i as i percieve i used to. Profundidty is now the word of the day.

Speaking of profundities - i was in church today. Ok, that in of itself is not the profunditity. The Pastor was speaking from the book of Nehimiah, explaining to us how Nehemiah took a good look at the broken, destroyed wall of Jerusalem, and how even though he saw it for what it was - he was also able to have a God-perspective - and was somehow able to see the hope and potential that existed in the rebuilding of the wall.
Later on, Pastor connected his message to Jesus, and told the story of when Jesus healed a blind man by rubbing mud in his eyes. The connection was about our blindness, and our inability to see the potential that God sees in our world, in ourselves, in circumstances, and in other people. As i listened to the story, it was like i was hearing it for the first time (though i promise it wasn't). It just struck me that Jesus used the very thing that we are trying to get out of our eyes to heal. The problems with our eyes usually involve something being in them that shouldn't be. Take mud for instance; it doesn't belong in your eyes. It will impair your vision. But it's that foriegn object that Jesus uses to clear out the blindness of that man in Mark 8. Jesus is so cool. I'm aware of the counter cultural lifestyle he calls his followers to - i preach it to my youth - Jesus does not equal an easy life - he does things differently - and through the message today - and as an ordained minister of the Gospel - i should say through the illuminating work of the Holy Spirit, i saw Jesus clearly today and was blown away by the irony and profundity of his work. it may not sound like a big deal to you - which i can understand. Often i can't find the words to explain the things that blow my mind (see any of my musings on music). Most times i can just barely explain that something did deeply affect me - but explaining why or how - good luck - especially at 11:27pm the night before Prayer Retreat.

Basically - the point is - Jesus is so cool.

two things to report

2009-10-28T08:42:00.002-06:00

this morning as i walked (going green) to work, i passed a black sunfire with stereo booming. Then almost immeadiatly i recognized the muffled tune coming from the black sunfire at 8:30am, and it was The Spice Girls. Now, i'm slightly embarresed to admit that i was able to immeadiatly identify the music of the spice girls, but don't hold it against me, they were the most ubiquitous musical group for like 3 years of my adolesence. Not to mention that my sister quite enjoyed thier music. Anyway, my knowledge of the Spice Girls was not as embarressing as the embarressment of the person who was listening to the spice girls so loudly at that ungodly hour in public.

#2. I just bought tickets to U2. On June 23rd 2009, a dream is going to come true, my dream...of seeing U2 live in concert. Hallelujah. (though i doubt they will play a cover of that ubiquitisly covered song)

that is all.

Word of the Day:

2009-10-23T14:30:00.001-06:00

Abomination:

noun
1.
anything abominable; anything greatly disliked or abhorred.
2.
intense aversion or loathing; detestation: He regarded lying with abomination.
3.
a vile, shameful, or detestable action, condition, habit, etc.: Spitting in public is an abomination.

also refers to French Toast with Icing Sugar.

when i'm down

2009-10-18T09:30:00.002-06:00

Shortly after everyone got into www.homestarrunner.com (which suprisingly is still a website) i bucked the trend and fell in with the White Ninja (www.whiteninjacomics.com). The white ninja is always good for a laugh, well only if you have a demented sense of humor like myself. I am here at the church office reviewing my sermon that i have to preach in approximatly an hour and a half, and i felt like i needed a laugh - so i headed over to check out the latest offerings of the white ninja. I wasn't disappointed. Anyway - i thought i would share the white ninja with you. One of his more recent adventures, and then one of my all time favorites. Enjoy.

10 minutes later

I was going to post the pictures directly onto my blog - but my blog is being a tool - so here are the links, less convienant i know - but well worth the risk.

http://www.whiteninjacomics.com/comics/powerfularms.shtml

and

the classic
http://whiteninjacomics.com/comics/catwedgie.shtml

Lyrics

2009-10-13T23:11:00.002-06:00

Today, i bought the latest release (Vancouver) from my favorite Canadian Artist, Matthew Good. His album is not the only one i have recently purchased. Despite my growing unappreciation for Scarlett Johansson (see two blogs ago - and no i haven't watched "The Island" Yet) i bought her collaborative effort with Pete Yorn. (PS. Pete Also contributes on one of the tracks on the new Matt Good album - which i didn't know ahead of time). But i digress. I also bought a B-Sides Collection from Iron and Wine. For a poor guy, i still buy a lot of CD's - i know it's an addiction.

I was sitting in the next room, having time to reflect on the new offering from Matt Good, and upon first listen - it didn't grab me. I mean it has all the classic Matt Goodism's musically that i like. In fact, to me, it sounded a lot like his last two albums - both of which i enjoyed. The thing that was missing for me though was an automatic favorite song. In my past experiances with Matt, it never takes me long to figure out the songs that i love best from his records. Usually a song jumps out and grabs me - and so far, after one full earphoned listen, nothing has. Obviously i am going to give it more of a chance. Matt has never failed me before, so he has earned some time to grow on me.

I think the concept is lost on me. The whole album is a reflection on Vancouver and it's apperant disintigration into a slum. I was thinking on Matt's last album it was written after a nervous breakdown, a divorce, and a suicide attempt, and the deep personal connection of his lyrics was unavoidable. So far, perhaps in putting together something more of a concept album (yet still a personal one) the immediate connection i have often found with the lyrics and music of Matt Good will take a little longer to develop.

All of this got me to thinking about a blanket generality statement from myself which i will now quote. "The best songs are those whose lyrics you don't have to read". In my experiance with Matthew Good and his former band - i've never had to read the lyrics in the album jacket to understand the meaning behind the songs. ANd i was preparing to do so with this album. I don't get it. I like how it sounds, but his lyrics haven't caught me - there hasn't been a statement made that i have gone - yeah - or there hasn't been a line that has gotten caught in my head - nothing catchy - it's sad.

So i say - the best songs are those whose lyrics you don't have to read - but instantly connect with you. Any disagreements on this shallow topic of discussion. If i had more energy - i would give myself some examples of songs excellent that had lyrics that i didn't automatically understand or percieve properly (see Barbera-Ann) - just most times with Matt I do.

Who love's pointless blogs - i do.

T-Minus 8 days. (vomits)

Things I'm Thinking About

2009-10-02T20:35:00.001-06:00

1. I wonder if Jude will sleep through the night tonight
2. Matthew Good is awesome
3. Should I finish watching "The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou"?
4. Am I going to pass Ordination?
5. I'm thirsty
6. My knee is itchy
7. I'm running out of thoughts

sleepy, hockey, neck pain

2009-09-14T22:26:00.002-06:00

Hello friends. It's been a long time. I've been busy.

I've been meaning to blog for a while. Every once in a while i've had a thought enter my head and then i thought - hey this would be interesting to blog about. But then - time confines me.

For instance recently i thought of blogging about something shallow - like the acting talent of Scarlett Johansson. I've seen a lot of her movies. She first entered my world after seeing her performance in "Lost in Translation". I believed everything about that film was excellent - including Scarlett's acting. I also thought she was hot. I mean my brain is blazing hot! Anyway, since that time - i have gone out of my way to see films that she is in. Here is a comprehensive list of Scarlett films i have seen after "Lost in Translation". Get ready - this next part will be boring.

"Ghost World", "A Love SOng for Bobby Long", "In Good Company", "The Black Dahlia", "The Other Bolyn Girl", :Vicki, Cristina, Barcelona", "He's Just Not that In To You". Thats close to half of all the movies she has been in since "Lost in Translation".

All of these other movies suck. There is not one of these movies that i have really enjoyed. In face some of them, i really hated. And not only that - i find Scarlett's acting to be average to below average. In addition i find her characters very similar. She's very typecast as the sultry temptress - which i guess is ok - cause she looks like a sultry temptress.

I recently had this thought - that maybe Scarlett wasn't as great as i thought she was - and i shared it with a few peeps - and they recommended before i make my final decision that i need to watch one of her films that i haven't seen - "The Island". So i will watch this film - i may even enjoy it - but i have a weird feeling that if i do like it - it will have more to do with the writing - Steve Buscumi, and Ewan McGregor then Scarlett.

Then i thought back to "Lost in Translation" - the only movie with which i have credited her with skill and talent - and i realized - maybe she wasn't so great after all - maybe the glow of Bill Murray's brilliance shone so brightly that it blinded me to Scarlett's acting skills - and maybe her hotness had something to do with it to - as i was a single - college student at the time.

To sum it up - "Lost in Translation" good (possibly only because of Bill Murray), Scarlett Johansson - probably overrated by myself - and the world - though i am willing to give her another chance. Stay tuned for blogs that aren't being written while i am sleepy, listening to hockey, and suffering neck pain.

Good Night - and God Bless.

Understanding Church Growth

2009-06-16T13:59:00.003-06:00

So i'm working on my ordination. I'm even slightly enjoying the current book i'm reading. But there are thoughts rolling around in my head - and i have no one to share them with.

Here is what i am getting out of the book "Understanding Church Growth".

1. The Church/Faith/Gospel will spread most naturally and easily between people of the same culture/ethnicity/socio-economic status etc. I agree. I myself will be more apt to listen to a message delivered by a fat, 20-30-something, white guy (aka Donald Miller, Jimmy Kimmel) then i would listen to a message delivered by a skinny, 80 year old, asian guy (David Suzuki). It's not a racist thing - it's simply a connection thing - and i would be more likely to connect, understand, relate to someone who is like me - more quickly - then someone who appears to be nothing like me. While i do agree with this concept, it frustrates me too. It made me think of denominational ethnic churches. And how we can't all seem to come together under one banner of the church (my banner) and be that beautiful mosiac and many parted body of Christ that we were meant to be. Even though i believe it's true that you are more likely to hear the message of someone from your ethnicity, culture, socio-economic, political perspective - it makes me sad that we have a hard time crossing the gaps that seperate us on earth.

2. Missionary Methods of cutting converts off from thier people in an attempt to sanctify them does more harm then good. This is also a concept i had some understanding of. I have friends in a very muslim country - who have explained and spoken to me about this way of doing evangelism and how cutting the new converts off from their community not only gets in the way of many muslims (and people of other faiths) coming to Know Jesus in the first place, but it also closes doors for that recent convert to be involved with thier community and family further - which also makes further evangelism nearly impossible. Not to mention makes life for the recent convert very lonely and full of ostracism. Not that the Christian life is easy, nor should it be - but this isn't about taking the easy way out - it's about Christ being able to work from the inside out - to influence and impact people by being in contact with non-believers, rather then isolating the new believer - and discipling them the western way.

This is a huge problem in North America too. I have been a Christian since i was like eight years old - but the implications, and the desire to change didn't really come until the summer of 2001, after i graduated high school. Then I went off to Bible College - dumped all my friends who were bad influences and never looked back. I regret this. Not because i would have stayed in touch with everyone from high school - we went our physical, emotional, seperate ways. But to just write people off because they weren't followers of God - and were part of the life i was leaving behind - not so cool. Logical maybe, Christian Culturally approved - for sure - but cool - no.

And now - i find myself - with virtually no non-Christian friends. Ok, maybe a relative or two - and some "friends" that i see on occasion - but i would say 90% of my life is spent in the company of "Christians". I took myself out of the context from which i may have been able to impact people with the good news of Jesus (ok - i know it's not me - it's the Holy Spirit through me - but don't nit-pick you knew what i meant).

Granted, I am in a position where i can impact and influence positivly for God. But in reading books on evangelism - it stirs me and makes me convicted that i am missing out on a huge aspect of my calling - and i just feel frustrated that whole generations of people who come to know Christ have been taught in such a way that makes you scared of non-Christians and the negative impact they will have on you - rather then teaching about the positive impact that the Good News of Jesus can have on them.

My hope is that this changes. My hope is that we - who have been caught up in this method can be the agent of change in Christian Culture - not just overseas where people are really seeing the importance of staying within family and cultural systems, but especially here in North America, where I live, and where I have a voice. Then I hope we have the courage to actually do it - and not allow the apathy that defines our generation get in the way.

Ps. If you are on the ordination counsel - look for some of this rant in my book report.

Love is a Battlefield/Voice of Dissent/An Apology

2009-05-14T15:43:00.002-06:00

Ok, so maybe meeting Todd Bertuzzi, while awesome, was not the greatest give Calgary ever gave me. I apologize to anyone's feelings that may have been hurt by me saying that meeting Todd Bertuzzi was the greatest gift Calgary had ever given me.

I am at the Edge (the youth center i run) and was just listening to the song "Love is a Battlefield" by Pat Benatar. It's an awesome song - so i wanted to refer to it in my blog title.

Voice of Dissent. I just returned from my denominational district conference. The truth is - God - through his word - and through various people and situations have been convicting me in the area of negativity/hopelessness. I am by nature, more inclined to see the negative. I am more inclined to think something will fail then to think it will be a sucess. I don't think that is a Christ-like characteristic. Although I don't want to fit Christ into a picture of a ceo-leader type person - i don't see him as a hopeless person, and i think that his teaching, and subsequent teaching he inspires (i'm not going to clarify that) doesn't recognize negativity and hopelessness as hallmarks of Jesus either.

I've decided that i don't want to hopeless. And my problem is and has always been in this area - putting my hope into things that can't handle my hope. Whether it be structure, or leaders, or myself or whatever - there is nothing worthy or capable of giving and sustaining, and fulfilling hope then Jesus Christ. Whenever i put my hope in these other things, they let me down, and disappointment follows. Then this nagativity creeps into other areas of my life.

Very often, when it comes to areas of submitting to even agreeing to the leadership of people above me - i put myself into a little group of people who feel marginalized and dissassociated from where the leadership is going or telling me to go. This shouldn't be my natural inclination. I'm not saying that i should agree with everything - but i'm saying that my natural inclination should not be to disregard and damn-slam whatever it is being sent my way. I shouldn't assume because it comes from someone above me that it's terrible.

I think my tension needs to exist in hope in Christ - not in anything else, and being able to listen and speak critically - though not with a critical spirit, and also not to lose hope. Not that my hope should be in anything other then Jesus - but i should allow Jesus to give me hope in the other areas of my life - not to sound compartmentalized.

I want to being a voice of truth, spoken in love - with hope that good things can and will happen in the future - not because all the old people will be put out to pasture and then all my friends and i will get to run the show - but because Christ will move....

Sorry if this doesn't all make sense - my mind is all over the place today.

The Greatest Gift Calgary Has Ever Given Me (EDIT) In the year 2009

2009-04-29T23:15:00.009-06:00

Hello Friends and Lovers. That reminds me of a Beatles song - "In My Life" - maybe you've heard it, maybe you haven't - but at the end of the day - who cares - because i have a story to tell.

So i'm in Calgary - I came down for the internship retreat - no I am not going back on internship - though some of you may have hoped for that because the frequency and quality of my blogs were much higher on internship - but no - in fact - I am recieveing an Intern of my own in September, and I had to come down and meet this lad and spend some time doing some training together. It went well - i'm going to try and not be so detailed on the preamble - because as i said i do have a story to tell - but i have been so many places and done so much that if i wanted my preamble could go on for decades (props to the Neil Young Greatest Hits CD of the same name)

Anyhow - the retreat is now over - it was over at like 11:00 this morning - then you may be thinking to yourself (if you are a thinking kind of person) why are you still in Calgary - well don't get all hot and bothered - i will tell you. I am staying a couple extra days to work on and hopefully complete an Ordination research paper with the help of the world renowned Archibald Thompson Library here at Ambrose University College. Sneeze, Sneeze again. Wipe Hand. Continue.

Anyway - did some work on that in the late morning and early afternoon. After that i helped two seperate friends with thier home moving endevours. If there is anything I am good at - it's moving - if this pastor thing doesn't work out - for sure i will become a mover. The future is bright. Anyway - after i had helped my friend Tim move some of his gear to his new Locale, i took my other friend Monica, not to her new home that i also helped her move her stuff to, but to an area of Calgary that i used to live in known as Kensington. She was meeting up with some other friends to hit a pub for beer and wings - two things that i enjoy - though i myself planned on declining thier invite to work on my Ordination assignment - because i am motivated and committed right now. But, with them when i was dropping off Monica was my other friend Hanna who i was planning on hanging with and so needed to talk to - so i parked - got out to chat and then learned something amazing. These friends had gone to a pub and found it packed out. So they crossed the street and tried a different one. When they entered they found it full as well - though this time if was full of the recently defeated and eliminated Calgary Flames. Cool enough situation as it is - but even cooler means that one of my favorite players "Todd Bertuzzi" who now plays for the flames - is also in there. I say to my friend Jon (though not Jon Kramer) "we've got to go in there and talk to Bert" (aka Bertuzzi). And he said - "No I can't go back in - i totally made a fool of myself with Iginla" and I was like - "I don't care - i'm going in"

So i scoured my car for something for him to autograph - i couldn't believe it - I had no Canucks paraphanalia - Brutal -so i found some paper and a working pen - and i started heading for the pub. Then i thought - i should take a picture - so i cleared a couple pictures of my memory card on my phone - and headed in. It was packed and there were faces that i recognized - but i couldn't see Bert. I saw Rhett Warrener - and Adrian Aucoin, and a couple other faces - but no Bert. I went further in - and there he was - hidden deep among the throng of players. I walked a little further in so i didn't look like the creepy stalker that i was - but then i mustered all the testosterone and courage I had - walked right up behind him and said "Hey Bert". He looked up and around and realized it was me a total stranger talking to him and i first said - "could i get your autograph?" - then as he took the pen and paper from me to sign i started blabbering like the idiot I am when i meet celebrities. I said "I loved you when you were with the Canucks" and "I like that you are with the Flames now - even though it's the Flames" and one of the other nameless flames said - "hey he loves you" and i was embarresed because i realized that i just told a 6'4 235lb, bearded, toothless man that i loved him...but i kept going....i said "It's true man - i bought your Jersey after you got traded - because i thought Vancouver treated you like crap" and finally he said - "thanks a lot" - he reached out his big hand to shake mine - i took it and shook it as firmly as i could manage from this state of euphoria and ran out of the pub - i even knocked over a stool on my way out - but i didn't look back - cause i was too excited - i had to supress the urge to skip and jump for joy until i got out of the pub - which i did. It was awesome!
I haven't felt that giddy in a long long time. Then i started calling people and letting them in on my excitement.

and That's my story about meeting Todd Bertuzzi in Calgary and how i wish i wasn't such a uncontrollable fan-boy - but i couldn't help it. It was such a rush - and to actually go up to him and initiate and ask for his autograph that was a big deal - but it was worth it - i may never wash this hand again...shoot...i already did....oh and i didn't get a picture cause i was too stunned just getting the autograph and handshake....anyway...thats my story.

I Feel Like Blogging...But I don't have much to say...

2009-04-21T16:53:00.002-06:00

And I find that weird...not that i don't have much to say...because i routinely have not much to say (and because of a certain process i am going through i am not reading much/anything that is stimulating my mind and heart). I'm more suprised by my desire to blog.

What's going on in my life?

1. I'm working at the Edge (our church's youth center) and the kids are playing Rockband 2 - particularly - "You Oughta Know - by Alanis Morrisette. Weird

2. I bought a house - it's slowly being renovated though - not by me because i don't have those skills - though some people say you can aquire them.

3. Tonight for supper Cara made Porkchops - and while I eat them I'm going to watch game four in the series between my beloved Canucks and the St. Louis Blues. Yay Canucks!

4. This week we are having our Man Night Youth Event - it's a milder version of T-Night (Anyone who went to CBC in Regina will know that i'm talking about) with some teaching on manhood. We're also having a ladies night - which is a much tamer version of "G-NO" (CBC Regina again). Both of these events should be top-notch and i'm looking forward to the fun and the good relationships and memories that will come out of these events. Post Script - just to clarify I will not be going to the girls night event.

5. Soon I am going to Calgary to meet my intern.

6. My body is feeling extremely fatigued.

7. Being Authentic is hard work.

8. Truman Capote (at least what i have read so far) was a spectacular story teller.

That is all for now.

Here's the thing

2009-04-16T13:33:00.014-06:00

Recently, I've been considering music. Well, let's be honest, i nearly am always considering music. But more specifically i've been considering my top five and then top ten favorite songs of all time. I try to avoid these kinds of "lists" because they are subjective and everyone has a different opinion with no basis on which to judge such lists (or similar lists) ofther then feelings and record sales. Not to mention that for me - to name such a list is to make myself vulnerable. To tell you the songs that have deeply impacted me and wait expectantly for your approval or for your ridicule. I don't like being ridiculed. Especially on the topic of music. Especially since i know so much more about music then most people - but not all people. In fact - i don't mind being ridiculed by people who's musical opinion i don't care for - like people who think that Nickelback is better then Bob Dylan (i don't actually know anyone who has ever said this - but i bet they exist) but it's the people whose opinions i do respect that i fear being condemned, ridiculed, and rejected by. But screw it - I'm going to lay out for you if i can - the ten songs that i love the most/have impacted me the most - whatever that means - in no particular order. By the way - a lot of this thought process carries over from the ultimate question that i have been asked many times - "What is your favorite song?" For a while I had that one figured out - and for a while i even had a criteria that helped me determine the favorocity of a song. To be considered worthy of being called a favorite song - whenever that song would play in your presence you would have to feel an unstoppable urge to rock - or it would have to mentally and emotionally transport you to a better day. If that doesn't make sense...well too bad...it makes sense to me. So without furter delay - here they are - in their entirity...My top ten favorite songs....

a) Where The Streets Have No Name - U2

For many a moon and probably even in a current sense - this is my all time favorite song. To me, this is a song with electricity - a song that moves me in every sense of the word. This is a song best played while driving down the highway on a beautiful sunny summer day or on any other kind of day but it helps you imagine that you are driving down the highway on a beautiful summer day instead of the death snowy day that you are actually travelling in

b) Sweet Child O' Mine - Guns N' Roses

This song is epic. The guitar is memorable. The lyrics are classic. And when I hear this song it makes me want to be a rock star. This song makes me want to stand up and play air guitar. I feel this song in my loins, if that can be said without sounding innappropriatly erotic.

c) Let it Be - The Beatles

What an outstanding song. In fact, I'm going to listen to it right now. It reinforces my love for the piano. It's simple, stripped down - some beautiful lyrics - and it's got this build up in it that i just love - choir like background vocals, quiet drums, and eventually some spectacular guitars. It's a hopeful song to me.

d) Layla - Derek and The Dominos

The cool thing about this tune is that you listen to it and the change that happens you think that Layla is over and some other song is now started. And yet - it all flows together so well - the beautiful piano again - to the powerful potent guitars of Eric Clapton and Duane Allman with Eric's potent lyrics about this love that is "unavailable" (because she is married to George Harrison..or at least she was at the time). This song is also a connection between me and my Dad, because through his own love for this song - he introduced it to me and it blew my mind as much as it blew his.

e) Oh My Sweet Carolina - Ryan Adams

Without a doubt - my favorite Ryan Adams song. It's quiet and introspective with magnificent lyrics that paint such a lonely/painful/beautiful picture. It includes one my favorite all time lyrics - "I ain't never been to Vegas - but I gambled all my life - building newsprint boats - i raced the sewer main". Astounding! What brings this song together is the background vocal performance of Emmy-Lou Harris and the haunting Piano. Anyone starting to see a trend?

f) Only in Dreams - Weezer

Weezer was my life. I caught up with Weezer a few years after they came out. They were quite popular in my youth group - but i resisted for a while - just because i hated to do what everyone else was doing - cause most people were just sheep and didn't have real souls. I'm harsh i know. But then i joined a band - and that band wanted to cover a weezer song - and because of that i bought the Blue Album and my life was legitimatly changed. Such emotional lyrics that often described the lonliness, angst, geekyness, and confusion that plagued my life. The final track of that album was the pinnacle. It wasn't my favorite at the time of original purpose - but the more i listened the more it grew and then when i saw Weezer in concert and they closed out the show with this epic number it has held a special place in my heart. It's an epic song - and i love epic songs. Plus it has the build up - the ultimate build up, where the music is so powerful and well played that you don't need words to express the power of it all.

g) Nothing Else Matters - Metallica

Ok, so i used to love Metallica. I used to be angry and a mainstream metal head. Times have changed i don't rock as hard as i used to - cause my personality became more depressed then angry - but this was Metallica's first foray into something that wasn't heavy neccesarily and it was outstanding. It showed some power and restrained character in Jame's voice. The lyrics were poetic and well delivered. It's funny because this song is the least characteristic of Metallica and yet it is my favorite - i guess that has it's own implications. I think this song helped me transition from Angry to Depressed. Good times.

h) Free Bird - Lynyrd Skynyrd

Did you know that in High School i passed myself off as being named Leonard for like 2 months to some cute grade eight girl when i was in grade nine? Though in my mind it was spelled Lynyrd. Anyway - once again an epic song prevails on my list. For me this song is all about the build up and then the bowel shattering (in a good way) guitar solo.

i) Apparitions - Matthew Good Band

This was a tough one for me - because i think there are songs by Matthew Good or Matthew Good Band that i like more then this one now - but none have impacted me initially as strongly as this one did. I have liked Matt Good in all his variations since i first heard "Symbolistic White Walls" on 99.3 The Fox back in the mid to late nineties. By the time the album "Underdogs" came out - I was a full fledged fan. "Underdog" spawned a ton of great singles - none more gripping then "Apparitions". Matt uses lots of dark imagry and metaphor and if that wasn't enough - his videos were dark as well. Out of all the songs i've talked about so far - this is the one where the music video actually helped make the impact as deep as it was. The song and the video portray the darkness of corperate life - the seedy underbelly if you will - and being "stuck inside our own machines". It's a magnificent tune - and a powerful video - harkening back to a time when music videos helped tell a story in an artistic (not autistic) way.

j) Black - Pearl Jam

The headliner on my original "great depression" mix! Pearl Jam is sweet. And this song was my theme song for like a year. A very, very crappy year - filled with awesome music! This is to me - the ultimate song of unrequited or lost love. Musically it is great - everything comes together to make an amazing song - but what stands out to me - what grabs me for sure is the lyrics and most specifically this lyric - "I know someday you'll have a beautiful life - I know you'll be a sun - in somebody elses sky - but why - why - why - can't it be mine". The lyrics themselves are great but the searing, honest, vicious (in a good way) delivery from Eddie Vedder convince you that this was a true life experiance that he is expressing from the depths of his soul - and one that at the time (actually several times) - totally identified with.

Honorable Mentions: I'll Be There For You - Bon Jovi, Hotel California - The Eagles, All I Want is You - U2, Hey Jude - The Beatles

So thats my top ten. It actually came out easily - because i didn't put a ton of thought into this beyond some songs that i had already identified from other times in my life when questions such as this arose. I didn't have a list or anything - i just started typing and out it came - which to me is cool - cause if i didn't really have to think about it - then these songs came from my soul/heart which is better then coming from my head or arse.

Post Script - I should be working on my sermon - but i don't feel like it right now - and i tried to talk to Troy on MSN - but he bailed - apperantly he's working or something...

Only Christian Music and Self Pity Edition to copy Jon Kramer's Edition Blog Title

2009-04-08T12:33:00.003-06:00

So, a while back i decided to only have uplifting - Christian music on my itunes at work. Oh. And U2. Cause they are pretty much Christian aren't they? I also have two Beatles Songs, and one random Barenaked Ladies offering - but the song by the BNL was actually written by Bruce Cockburn and i heard he became a Christian so by default that can count as well. As for the Beatles, I remember hearing some quote about them and Jesus....what was that again...oh well, i'm sure it was fine. Anyway - I wish i had a wider variety of music on my work itunes because i don't feel like listening to David Crowder, Derek Webb, Hillsong, Jars of Clay or any of the four other Christian artists that i don't hate.

Oh yeah...it's one of those days....

So, last night after a particularly good evening with my missions trip team - i was driving home listening to Death Cab for Cutie's essential album - "Transatlanticisim". I thought to myself - there are some really cool songs on this record - i think i should blog about it tomorrow. Well tomorrow is here - and despite my enjoyment of this record - i can't blog about it today. In fact - I can hardly believe I'm blogging at all.

This is how my last five days has looked.

Saturday
9am - 3:30pm: Make Perogies
3:30-4:20: shower, clean myself, drive back to town
4:20pm - 1:00am Drive to Edmonton, Watch Canucks Lose to Oilers, Drive Home.

Sunday
7:00am - 10:20am - Family get ready for Church
11:00am - 12:15pm - Church
1:00pm - 11:30pm - make perogies

Monday
7:00am - 7:00pm - Father my child
8:00pm - 9:30pm - Small Group

Tuesday
7:00am - 8:30am - Get ready for work
9:00am - 6:00pm - Work
6:00pm - 9:30pm - Missions Team Meeting Time

Wednesday
7:00am-8:30am - Get ready for Work
9:00am - now - work

I don't know why i felt like i should lay that out for you - and maybe you don't think it's all that impressive - but the truth is...I am spent. I don't feel like working, i don't feel like blogging, or at least i feel like i have nothing left to give at this point - to anything - work, family, self, God. Add to that people disappointed with the over 13,000 perogies we made and wanting thier money back - you have the makings of a forgettable day.

Part of me wants to end this blog with a happy - God will give me strength kind of thing - and i know he will - but part of me also wants to live in my frustration a bit longer - to dwell on it, cause thats what i do....ever since i started becoming self aware - i noticed i like to dwell on my unhealthy and negative emotions and situation. To become engrossed in them - to feed them, and for me thats not healthy. So i guess i will try to believe and live in the strength and encouragment of the God who i knows holds the key to the true source of all those good things.

Plus, I can't go to Joel Plaskett. or U2 and I get these things rubbed in my face.

Ps. I still don't feel happy

Leadership Hopefully

2009-03-18T15:40:00.002-06:00

Good Afternoon Peeps. My brain isn't functioning right now very well, I'm in a fog (not a london fog, though both the geographical and liquid versions would probably both be welcomed right now) My mind is empty, but full it's weird. I posted a comment on Jon Kramer's blog not too long ago, because he had posted about leadership, and i mentioned how it was my intention to post my recent thoughts on the subject as well. Well, since my mind is not working I thought - sounds like a good time to blog. Also, I'm waiting for the mechanic to call me and tell me my Car is finished being fixed. So, I have some time and mental capacity to kill. Also, by commenting on Jon's blog - i put pressure on myself to actually do this, wheras, had i not said anything, i wouldn't feel obligated to make such a post. So, with all that in mind (obligation and mental incapacties) read on with hopes for something somewhat readable.

Leadership. Everyone is always talking about leadership. People are writing books about it, people are taking tests about it, people are comparing and contrasting...blah, blah, blah, blah. Leadership. Am I one? I've always thought that I was...but recently i have been questioning it. Am I actually a leader? Do i have what it takes to get people to follow me? Cause isn't that the mark of a leader? Someone who people follow?

A couple weeks ago, I sat down with my boss over a Tony Romo's lunch and we discussed my job description. You see, I wanted to say my "new job description", but it can't be "new" if i've never had an "old job description". I had some questions that needed to be answered, words and thoughts that needed to be clarified, and over this lunch I recieved what i was looking for. One of the questions i had, had to do with the word leadership. In my job description - one of the required skills was - "high leadership skills". And my question was..."What does that mean?". What I wanted to know was - for my boss - what does leadership look like? Does he have a vision or expectation of what leadership is that fits with my expectation? And moreover does it fit with my abilities? I was seriously doubting that for a few days. Out of the conversation, came the observation that it was believed and recognized that leadership skills and abilities do exist in my skill set. But the real observation (which also served as a sort of wake up call to me) was that, it seemed as though i might be trying to lead from a place that was unnatural to me. Meaning - I was trying to lead like someone else. I suppose even in my own mind, subconciously perhaps, I had an understanding of what leadership looked like...and it looked a lot like my former boss. Words like "visionary" come to mind. He had great ideas, and more then that, he had the passion and the ability to get other people passionate about his great ideas, and even beyond just getting them passionate, he had an ability to get people to find there places on his team and follow him. It was awesome! And the observation followed that perhaps I was trying to lead out of that place, rather then the place where MY actual leadership skills and natural abilities lie. All of the sudden it made sense - as i was questioning if i was even a leader or just a follower in leaders clothing - it dawned on me, that perhaps my lack of fruit with leadership came from trying to live out a model of leadership that was not me. (Props to the Beach Boy's song "That's Not Me"....man the Beach Boys are cool)

The problem now remains, that although i have some confidence in the idea that yes, maybe, perhaps, I am a leader...I really don't know my leadership anymore. In fact, in a lot of ways, i feel like i don't know myself, or at least my self awareness has declined significantly. People are noticing things in me, that i'm not seeing until they point it out. In order to discover my strength's in leadership - i've got to figure out what they are - and i'm not totally sure where to go from here. I have a general distrust for Christian leadership tests - or tests of any kind - I think I want people to speak into my life and just tell me where my strengths are and where they aren't. It's much easier that way - but when other people are telling me, it's a lot easier to dismiss them as character heretics.

Regardless of what i figure out, i have a burden lifted off me just knowing that i have the freedom to lead in my comfort zone and my strengths and i'm not going to lose my job, just cause i'm not gifted in the way "stereotypical" leaders are.

My Van is still not ready - but i'm running out of things to say. I've given up pop again, because of my affliction, and today has been really hard, because i am really thirsty - yet have nothing to drink that isn't sugar filled and carbonated. I almost gave in to the temptation of Dr. Pepper - but in the end - i stayed strong.

That is all.

No Line on the Horizon

2009-03-10T11:14:00.003-06:00

March 3rd 2009 marked the release of U2's latest album - No Line on the Horizon. People have been talking about it. They say things like "Hey Mike, have you heard the new U2 single?" and i would say - "no - i don't really listen to the radio". And then they tell me to "download or listen to it for free on the internet" and i say - "no thanks, i'll wait for the album to come out". And then they say - "this new song sucks!" and i say - "we'll see". So in preperation for this new record by a band whom i love - i insulated myself against hearing the song before i could hear the whole album - and i insulated myself against the opinions of those whose opinions I don't trust - and even a few i did trust - so that i could hear the offering in it's entirety and make my own decisions. Not to mention the fact that taste in art is totally subjective - so what might suck to you - might be beautiful and perfectly timed to meet me where I am.

So, after giving it many listens - here are my thoughts. I don't love it. I don't hate it. But i don't love it. I like a lot of the musicianship - Edge's guitar stands out quite well on this record - there are some cool riffs and melodies and things of that nature. But overall - none of the songs grabbed me - the way that usually 3-6 songs per U2 album do. I understand that U2 went in a different direction with this album - as they have done before (see Zooropa and Pop) and i can respect that - and even albums that are not considered great upon release i usually find a hidden Gem or two as i allow it to grow on me. The first single "Get on Your Boots" I really actually don't like. Rolling Stone Magazine gave the album a 5 star review which you can read here, which i don't totally agree with - though - i recognize my lack of musical experitse compared with that of David Fricke - but there was one thing in his review that stood out as something i agreed with - in his description of "Get on Your Boots" he said "It is a strange thing to sing on a record that more often reveals itself in tempered gestures, at a measured pace. (The main exception, the outright frivolity of "Get on Your Boots," comes right in the middle, as if the band thought it needed some kind of zany halftime.)". Basically - the song comes out of nowhere and makes no sense as a song fits on an album.

Also one other negative note - the last song - "Cedars of Lebanon" ends awkwardly. It is a cool song. Low - soft yet with an Edge (not The Edge - but an Edge) lyrically and in the tone - but then it just ends. No build up - no denoumont if you will - but it's literally like Bono sings the last line (which is a cool line) and then they just press stop on the recording and you get the sense after they press stop the band continues and finishes the song - it leaves me wanting in a bad way. Kind of like when you go to see a movie and it ends abruptly without wrapping things up and you are like - "that's it?". Thats how "Cedars of Lebanon" left me feeling.

On the good side - there is one song that i particularly enjoyed - consequently it is also the same song on the record that Gabe Krahn particularly enjoyed. Track 3 - "Moment of Surrender". I can't even explain why i like it - it's the vocal most similar to what you would expect from a Bono vocal considering thier last two records. It's got that personal - spiritual feel to it and it's seven and a half minutes long. It's the one i like the best on an album of songs that don't I don't connect with.

Don't worry - I still love U2 - I still consider it a life goal to see them in concert before my demise, and I will even continue to listen to this record - because as many things do when given the chance - they grow on you.

Learning Things

2009-02-24T13:36:00.002-07:00

So, recently i was at a meeting of our church board of elders. In the course of that time i actually learned some stuff.

1. I learned that one of our elders is the older brother of a women who goes to our church. I had no idea. It blew my mind.

2. I learned that everyone and thier dogs love John Eldrege - except me. I don't love John, and i can't say i had read all of his books, but what i have read, i didn't like, and the impression that i get is that his material is similar enough to think that i probably wouldn't like the stuff i haven't read as well.

3. I learned that my faith is in need of some repair. We were talking about faith and prayer and prayer in faith, and i realized that i don't pray with faith. I pray with disappointment. What I mean by that is - when i pray for something big - like healing, or i don't know - big stuff - i always give God an out. I pray something like this "God please heal this person...but if you decide not to.....blah, blah, blah". And I realized i do this because, even though i know and believe that God can heal or do whatever this big prayer is about - i don't believe he will (very often). So in order to protect myself from being disappointed and disillousiouned with God - I give him this out. I say "God - i would really like you to do this - but if you don't here is something smaller and more manageable, or even something vague that you can do instead". And as i had this epiphany at board meeting two questions came to mind.

1. What does this say about my view of God? It say's i don't believe he is a good God. It say's I see this process as a constant opportunity for disappointment. It say's I see him as someone who can do something about all the big pain and hurt in the world - but generally doesn't want to get involved. My view of God is not a good one. I don't know exactly where it comes from. I've been disappointed and let down in my life before many times. I've been hurt by expectations that were larger then the person i was expecting from could or would live up to. And I don't want to be hurt by God. I don't want to be bitter and resentful...i've been down that road before - maybe not so much with God - but with people for sure.

2. What does this say about my relationship with God? It's not as deep as it should/could be. I don't know God well enough to trust him a) not to disappoint me, but b) to believe that even if he doesn't heal someone i ask him to heal, or whatever big request it is, that his way is still actually the best way. I've preached it, I've tried to live it, and I have lived it in some circumstances - but it hasn't rooted itself fully in me. The problem lies in me. Not in God.

The difficulty comes in reconsiling what your (my) mind knows to be true and how that comes through in my actions. You see I know God is a good God, and that his ways are actually the best ways - and that even (especially) in pain - and situations where God does not answer your big prayers the way he wants you to - he can/will bring good from it, whether we can see it or not. But I haven't been living that way very well lately.

I want this to change. I want to pray and serve God in faith and trust, and love. I don't want to stay the way that I am. And i recognize that even just by posting this true blog about my spiritual condition that it could cause me some grief. Because even though my blog has low readership - from time to time random people from my church stumble upon it and read it, and if i was just joe blow congregation member that would be fine - but i'm scared as a pastor - people will see and hear and read my struggles and call for my resignation - because pastors aren't supposed to be weak in thier faith - they aren't supposed to struggle with living out what they say they believe. And even though i know that's not biblical (to expect perfection from people following after Christ - leader or not) it's a serious fear of mine. But in keeping with our churches call to authenticity, i am going to post this blog and not worry about who sees it, or what they think of it (chances are very slim anyone will see this, and or respond in the way i imagine), but this blog as my confessional today - i am not perfect. There is this one quote that comes to my mind, i don't even remember where it's from - but i've heard it a few times..."God loves you the way you are - but loves you way to much to let you stay that way". Thats where I am, not perfect - but seeking God as he molds my heart and life to be more like Christ.

Peace Out

Bono and Me

2009-02-10T13:59:00.004-07:00

So last night i was dreaming and sleeping. Then Cara woke up to the sound of a dog barking. Now, obviously, no, I have not gotten a dog. I don't even like dogs. Or Cats, which might leave you wondering 1. Do I have a soul? and 2. Why did your wife wake to the sound of a dog barking if you don't have a dog? Good questions. I decline to answer question 1 for the sake of time, but the answer to question 2 is, Cara and I (and Jude) are house sitting for friends who have a dog. So, at 5:30am, the dog starts barking, which is weird, cause the dog should be sleeping, and also because this dog never barks unless someone is at the door. So Cara freaks out, wakes me up and sends me running up the stairs in my underwear to take out this potential intruder Jack Bauer style...but thankfully (for the intruder) there was no one there, and the dog was barking just to ruin my sleep and dreaming time.

Now, I don't like this dog at the best of times. He's really needy, on an emotionaly level, and he gets in my space. But now, he had woken me from a spectacular sleep and what i at the time remembered to be a very cool dream.

Here is what I remember of the dream. I was at the superbowl. I wasn't watching football or anything, but i know it was the superbowl. It was the halftime show, and instead of just one really awesome band - there were three - and the last one was U2. Now, this was awesome because, I have never seen U2, so i was stoked to see one of my all time favorite bands live, even if it was a little three song medly at the Superbowl. But the weird thing was, everyone had left, well not everyone, but like in a stadium that seats 60000 plus people, we were talking like maybe a few hundred were still there to check out U2. So i went all the way down to the front. It was amazing. And Bono came right out into the fans and i reached out and he grabbed my hand, and other people's too, and he sang (it was a new song, that i had never heard before) and he looked right at me through he sweet purple sunglasses.

The then concert was over, and i found myself walking from the stadium to the parking lot with Bono. We were talking, just normally, like old friends. It was really cool, just talking about life

and music (but not Africa - even though he loves to talk about Africa - i didn't ask him about his relationship with Penelope Cruz either). Anyway, we were sitting outside his trailer, and he looked at me and said, "Mike, you need a haircuit...if you trimmed up, your hair and beard and sideburns you would look much better - you look like a slob". And it was at that moment that Cara woke me up.

Now, here is the story on my hair and beard, which is featured so prominantly in these pictures. Recently i have been depressed. Feeling thin, "like butter spread over too much toast", and it was in that depression that i decided i wanted to grow my beard and hair out. Actually to let it grow until i returned from Belize at the end of August 2009. I don't know how long it's been since i've had a haircut, maybe a month and a half - maybe two months...but it's already getting unruly. But i was prepared to stick it out, with my hair and beard being a sign to me of my pledge made in the depth of depression as an ever present reminder. People have been bugging me to shave...my wife especially, most other people have just commented on how shaggy i look, but when you read between the lines you see they mean slobbish. Anyway, none of that mattered to me. I was keeping my hair, no matter how annoying it got to me.

But then in a dream, Bono told me to cut my hair - and now i shall. Stay tuned for the haircut update.

Name

2009-01-20T13:05:00.002-07:00

So, to be honest, up until last night, i had only ever seen two nooma videos. One, i watched while i was on internship - partially as a way to waste some time, and the other, i believe they played one at LYC in the not too distant past. I had always liked what i had seen - and everyone i know and respect seems to think they are ok, good even, but i had just never had the occasion to watch them.

If you don't know what nooma videos are click here.

Anyway, back in the fall i (and my wife and son) joined a small group through our church. Most small groups are people of like minded age, life stage, beliefs etc, getting together to learn, to hang out, to be friends. I had only really been in one small group before and it was short lived because Cara and I moved away from Calgary to V-town. So, we joined this small group, it has friends, we aren't all at the same stage of life, and we haven't done much learning. So far we have spent our time getting to know each other and having fun, which is cool. But last night, we kicked off the learning, deep talk type stuff that one would normally associate with small groupings of the church variety. And we decided to try out these Nooma videos (of which our church has the entire collection). I have to say that this video of approximatly 11 minutes was really sobering to me. It talked about our identity - who we are - what is our name - and as the speaker or narrarator spoke, we watched images of 4 people removing layers of shirts from thier bodies that had simple words on them. The words were all the names or identifying things about them. Some of them were connected to thier abilities or jobs, some were health and body type related, some were connected to faith or moral beliefs, some were beliefs that the person had about themselves and they seemed to get more personal as it went. I won't give away the ending in case you ever decided to investigate this little ditty yourself, but it was very powerful to me. It challenged our group to really give thought to where we place and recieve our identity, and what a healthy version of that would and should be. So, i recommend this "thing" i don't know if i would call it a film, but whatever it is, it was powerful in my life, as it caused me to wrestle with my identity and who i believe myself to be and why. The teaching was excellent, the imagery was excellent, and the discussion that it caused had depth.

Citizen Kane

2009-01-02T12:43:00.002-07:00

So, over the last month and half my dvd players have died. In November my main dvd player (and VHS player) went belly up. The VHS part of it still works fine, but the playing of DVD's has become impossible. So because it was close to Christmas/Birthday, and because i know that i ususally get money at these times, i decided to wait to buy a new one. In the meantime, i moved my trusty "companion" (which according to the film "The Da Vinci Code" back in Jesus' time meant spouse) Playstation 2 out to the big tv, so that we could use it to play our DVD films for us. That was working out great, and it was almost Christmas, so i knew soon i could bring my gaming apparatus back to the bedroom where it belongs and have a new DVD-VCR out in the living room. But twas the day after Christmas, when my PS2 gave up the ghost. It too, has perished. I also feel the need to point out, that actually before i brought out my PS2, i tried playing dvd's in my Nintendo Wii. Let it be known to all - that the wii must be the only full size gaming system on the planet that does not play DVDs. That made me mad as well. Anyway, i was without a DVD player, well not actually, my computer plays DVD's but it's not a laptop, so moving it to an area where all can watch movies in unlikely, and i also have a mini-dvd player which we bought while we were in edmonton when Jude was sick. We also had loaned an ancient dvd player of Cara's to some friends whose DVD player had died. So my next move was to reaquire that player, which we did. Unfortunatly, either we didn't get the red, yellow, white cables back that go with it, or we never gave those to our friends, and we have ourselves misplaced them. Either way, our returned DVD player is currently of no use to us. So, yesterday afternoon, out of pure, lonely boredom, Cara and I watched "Stranger Then Fiction" on our tiny portable dvd player, while cuddled up on the couch with nachos, hot wings, and each other. It was a nice moment. Plus does anyone else think Maggie Gyllenhall (Jake's wife) is stunning? Anyway, later that evening, like around 10:10pm, as we were all headed to bed (ok, Jude was already in bed) i decided to watch one of my library movies on my mini portable dvd player, whilst i was in bed. Mostly because i didn't know when i was going to have a chance to watch it, especially since it was a film that Cara had no intrest in watching. The film was of course Orson Welle's masterpiece "Citizen Kane". So, recently i discovered borrowing movies from the library. What makes it really awesome is that, as a member of my local library, i have all the collections of all the libraries in alberta (pretty much) available to me. All i have to do is order the movie from the database and it gets sent to me in Vermilion. What makes this awesome is that our local movie rental store has an atrocious collection of classic movies, and by classics, i mean pre-1995. So i can never find old movies that i have never seen before, whereas the library system has an impeccable selection of pre-1995 movies. "Citizen Kane" is of course way pre-1995, as are some of the other movies i am awaiting the arrival of. Anyway, i'm not always sure how to approach old movies, because technology and culture were so different, they can sometimes be hard to appreciate. But i have to say that "Citizen Kane" was such a good film that technology and cultural differances and any other thing that might disqualify a modern-day film watcher to disappreciate a film of this vintage. I was totally into the plot, i was totally into the characters. It was a great film, and i was so happy that a film of such noteriety did not disappoint me the way other films of notieriety have. (See every Brat-Pack movie of the '80's except "The Breakfast Club"). Anyway, i'm not going to go into much detail about the film, cause the real point was the story of how i got to the film of which i now speak, only to say, that i enjoyed it, and was not disappointed by it, and would recommend it to any true fan of motion pictures. So long - and goodnight

The Dark Knight.....

2008-12-11T17:16:00.001-07:00

is awesome, and if you don't agree....i will fight you. That is all.

Futures

2008-12-03T16:44:00.002-07:00

The last 3 or so days i have revisited Jimmy Eat World's 2004 album "Futures". My love for Jimmy Eat World started because a girl i liked, liked them and gave me thier epic cd "Clarity". I associated with her, and the times we spent together, but then she crushed me, and somehow i managed to disassociate the music of "Clarity" from her and the times we spent together(mostly). The i moved on and began discovering the bands other albums, thier back catalogue as well as thier current at the time hit album "Bleed American". It was glorious times. "Futures" was the long awaited follow up to "Bleed American", and for the record, i bet following up a hugely popular album is hard to do. "Futures" is good, not totally amazing but Good. How do i define this. Well if after listening to an album i don't want to throw it away that is a good start. If i get 3-5 songs out of an album that i totally love, then it will probably qualify as a good album, therefore, there are lots of "good" albums, but not many great albums which would require a love quotient of 85%. Hard to do, i admit, but we have to be able to set certain albums apart. Just to clarify, Jimmy Eat World's album "Clarity" for me is a great album.

Anyway, back to "Futures". Good album. Hard to follow up it's predecessor, so i know many people were disappointed. It certainly has a darker more depressing feel then "Bleed American". Not just lyrically, but musically as well, there are some real ominious songs on there. Three songs stand out to me.

1. Drugs or Me - this song seems to explore a relationship tainted by addiction. Painful subject matter, i think Jim Adkins gets to the heart of the matter even in the title of how people in these situations try to use themselves as a bargaining chip to get thier person to quit the drugs. Good song.

2. Kill - I remember this song really struck me at the time because of it's a song about a relationship that isn't heading in the direction the guy wants it to. The woman in the song is obviously close to him, and the guy has been waiting for his chance and it's not going to work out for him. I remember going through a very similar situation back in '04, and so because of that, the song really hit me where i live. There is an element of falling easily into love as well, which is also something i identified with for a long time through high school and into college. Great song

3. 23 - This song blows me away. It has an epic feel to it, epic in it's music, epic in it's lyrics, epic in it's raw emotion. As i mentioned the two previous songs have been about relationships and this one fits the mold as well. In this song i see a guy and a girl, and the girl not being ready for the relationship or perhaps not being ready to settle down and be with the guy, who feels as though there could not be a more perfect match then the two of them. It seems like he's trying to convince her, and tell her that all that she's waiting for is right there in him, but she doesn't see it. Tough. I've felt that way before. Beyond all the boy/girl stuff there is a particular line that strikes me in this song, and to be honest i think i blogged about this song back in the day to, i'll have to check. But the line goes "I won't always love what, i'll never have....I won't always live in my regrets". For a long time, i felt like that summed me up pretty well, and after hearing that line, i realized i wanted to move away from that kind of life, i life of constantly feeling like i'll never quite get to where i want to be, always living in the regrets of my past...i am defintly well on my way, though not perfectly there yet.

Funny how the past has a way of catching up with us through song. Anyway, i am well, almost got hit by a train this morning and had a tooth pulled yesterday that was supposed to be a root canal. Plus my son is teeting. Good times (not) but i still love him.

Weighing In

2008-11-25T15:59:00.004-07:00

The Shack. Quite the book. Has caused quite the stir, both in the area of unpredicted and incredible sales in Christian and non-Christian or secular markets, as well as causing a stir among pastors, theologians and regular joe-blow Christians. I don't joe-blow Christians in a derogatory way either, i just mean people who don't get paid to be a Christian.

Anyway, i read this book a while ago. Like i think in the summer. I read it, put it down, and didn't think to much more about it. It didn't blow my mind, it didn't shatter my illusions, it didn't break down any barriers between me and God, but it did keep me occupied for a few hours when i needed occupation.

I had heard (much like with anything that gains secular noteriety) that some Christians hate this book and see it as evil. In all honesty, after reading it, i didn't come away with anything like that. But due to my incredible reading speed, my comprehension sometimes suffers, so i decided to read it again. But i haven't yet had that chance. Cara just finished reading it though, and every time she came across something potentially scandelous, or something she didn't understand we talked about it. It was a good excersise, though sometimes i found myself trying to explain what i assume the author meant by some of the dialogue that he wrote.

Then the other night at a board of elders and wives supper, i found myself at a table full of people discussing "The Shack". I was asked for my input and i gave it. I was more concerned with the ambiguous blurring of fact or fiction. The preface, the novel itself, as well as the afterword left me wondering if this was to be taken as fact, or not. And so i told my table-mates that i was more concerned with whether or not the book was supposed to be true. No one else seemed to care about that, and in fact, they seemed suprised that the truth of the story was what bothered me more then any of the "theological" problems people like Mark Driscoll seem to have. (though you have to take some of the stuff Marky Mark here say's with a heavy grain of salt). Anyway my point is, i am more concerned with whether or not it is true. If Willy P. Young holds to the truth of his novel, then i might begin to be concerned. But if this novel is William's best take on a situation turned into a story to help people understand faith and God, then i am not as concerned. Even if the book is not totally 100% correct in it's theology or his understanding of God it has opened the door for us to have conversations with not-believers about God. Now you may argue that why would we want to promote a book that may or may not promote untruths or "heresies" about God. Well, we probably wouldn't. But we also don't have to be totally ignorant of things in our culture that are opening doors for us to talk about faith and God. We don't need to have book burning parties. This is a way for us to engage our culture and our world, and we should be excited for that opportunity, rather then spending all of our time on blogs dissing the book.

So is it true or is it not true. Thats whjat i want to know. Cause to me, that is most important.

Old News.

2008-10-28T17:47:00.002-06:00

Congratulations to my two very good friends who were ordained this last week. Unless it's something you aren't sure you want to be congratulated about...

This week, at least the last few days, i have been listening to Death Cab for Cutie's latest album (though not neccesarily a new album) Narrow Stairs. I got into Death Cab back in like '04 or '05 when i first heard thier album Transatlantacism playing in A&B Sound on Hastings in Vancouver, which i've heard no longer exists. (Just an aside, i have eight minutes to complete this blog, and then i get to close the Edge). I have become a fan of the band, collecting pieces of thier back catalogue as i go, seeing them live in concert at a crappy venue, and aquiring thier latest offerings (no props to Third Day) as well. This latest album is dark. That alone does not make it differant from previous albums, because they had some darkness to them as well, and what do i mean by dark, i don't mean satanic or anything, but with lyrical content exploring loss, pain, and despair. Crap! I am not going to finish this. Anyway, the album has some sad songs, and as i have listened to the album this week i have gotten taken in by the sadness of the song "Bixby Canyon Bridge" which to me, seems to recount a person dealing with the loss, even potential suicide of a friend, though i can't say thats what it's about for sure. I find Death Cab to be a strong band both musically and lyrically. Running out of time, not doing album justice. Anyway, i like the album overall - standout songs- "Bixby Canyon Bridge", "I will Posess Your Heart" (which i could write a whole blog on), "Cath" (which is totally a sad song) and i also enjoy the song "talking bird". Check it out if you want, if you don't...i don't care, my music is not for everyone.

While My Guitar Gently Weeps

2008-10-22T12:01:00.002-06:00

So. i've been thinking a lot about George Harrison. Some of you might think that's strange because my son is named after a Paul McCartney song. But as luck would have it, George has been for quite some time my favorite beatle. He has written some of my favorite Beatle songs, and i think i liked him because he was the underdog, the forgotten-overlooked on in the McCartney-Lennon battles. Anyway, I recently read a "biography" of George called "I, Me, Mine" and it was more then a biography, in fact, the biography section was very short, and 2/3 of the book was actually the lyrics to George's songs and stories about why he wrote them and what they were about etc. Mostly very interesting.

I came across one section in his book, as he was describing one of his songs that caught my attention and i want to share it with you here.

"The things that most people are struggling for is fame, or fortune, or wealth, or position; always that's their main ambition and desire in life, to be rich or famous, or to have a good reputation. And really, none of that is important because in the end, death will take it all away"

I love that quote, cause it diagnoses how we live our lives, and how futile our pursuit of these things really is. For George he pursued faith, it wasn't Christian faith, but it was his faith and all the things that it brought with it, that was complete pursuit of George Harrison. And to be honest, i admire it. George's faith changed his life completely. It changed the clothes he wore, the books he read, the music he wrote, the people he spent time with, the conversations he had, everything became about his faith. And that is admirable. As i look at my own life i see changes in me. Things that i would not have done had it not been for my faith, but when i look at my devotion compared to George's i feel like i fall short. Perhaps it's because his celebrity allowed him to have a more widespread and influential platform from which to share his beliefs, but also because he dove into his faith, fully, without resevation and hesitation, and was happy and confidant in sharing it with other people. And i think to myself, if someone who followed a faith that i believe to be untrue in the end can be so strongly devoted and make such a differance in people's lives, where am I, and what am I doing to live my faith as "Wholly" as George Harrison did. Still my favorite Beatle, even though 90% of his songs post-beatles were somehow about or connected to his faith, which to me, made it less exciting to read about and or even listen to.

cheap imitation

2008-10-07T17:37:00.004-06:00

On the same day that i bought Metallica's new record "Death Magenta", i felt a longing in my heart for music that was new in both vintage and artist. Meaning, i wanted to be introduced to a new artist. Luckily (or was it) an old painting buddy of mine, Dave M. was the music manager at the HMV that i was visiting. So, i said, "Dave, i need new music, what have you got for me?" We walked the floors of HMV, he gave me four cds, and of the four, i bought two, and this was one of them. Hayes Carll, folk/country/blues/rockabilly artist off the Lost Highway record label. (note: same label as Ryan Adams and his Cardinals, of which i bought a sweet limited edition vinyl and t-shirt today). Anyway, Hayes upon quick listen has some endearing alt-country qualities. The first song on the album references a girl "who likes to lay naked and be gazed upon". And it's not so much what he say's as much as his pronounciation - neked. Anyway, he sounded alright, and i needed new music, so i bought him up. But then i listened to his whole record in it's entirity. I regret buying this record. Musically, it's ok, enjoyable even as Hayes and his band evoke classic country-blues jams. But it's his cliche lyrics that bother me. And I guess, i can't blame the guy, not every one can be David Ryan Adams, who manages to mix a slight bit of cheese, with beautiful poetic lyrics about many subjects ranging from broken relationships, to death, and substance abuse, regrets, and stars going blue (yeah, he actually wrote that, not Tim McGraw). But, because Hayes attempts to cover similar subject matter, in a similar genre of music, and on a similar label, one can't help but compare them. And when it comes to lyrics, there is no comparing them. Heck one of his songs even mentions not being a gambler, but gambling since he was a kid or something like that, which is eerily reminiscint of a classic DRA lyric that is much more beautiful in it's "never been to vegas, but i gambled all my life". This review isn't living up to my expectations for it, but the album is mostly disappointing. There are a couple bright spots, but i don't have time to tell you about them now, cause i have to close the edge. Perhaps i will update this update in the morn.

Peace

Revitalize and Revision

2008-10-02T15:57:00.004-06:00

Hello Jon Kramer....

Well, I'm assuming Jon Kramer is still the only one who periodically checks this blog to see if i still sometimes update it.

Anyway, i was thinking yesterday about reformatting the subject matter of my blog so as to revitalize the darn thing. And what I mean by that is, once or twice a week, talk about the music that i am listening to. Cause at least that will give me subject matter, and we all know, once i have subject matter, all else flows randomly out of that like a flower in the concrete. So stay tuned, read about music, even if you don't like the music, and even if you think i am dumb for listening to it...but really you shouldn't because, the only person who may stumble upon this is Jon, and he doesn't really judge me very often...and i like that about him.

So here goes. The album of the day, that i have been listening to for three days is: Metallica's new record - "Death Magnetic" (or as i like to call it "Death Magenta").

So, you may be thinking, "Mike...what is the deal....you like David Ryan Adams, and Counting Crows, and U2, how can you be listening to the latest Metallica offering?" Well that is a valid question. But you see, before you knew me, i listened to Metallica. In fact, they were my all time favorite band. But then as i entered grade 12, i started rocking less hard, and starting being more of an emo kid, without even knowing it. I still rocked hard from time to time, but my metal-inspired rockouts were more and more infrequent. Anyway, out of loyalty to the band who once held the position of my favorite, i bought thier previous effort, "St. Anger". It was crap. It was worse then crap, it was a bigger piece of poo then the pile of triceratops crap in the first Jurassic Park film. Honestly, and what a letdown. It was so bad in fact i swore i would never like Metallica again. It has been five years since that mess came out, and it's taken that full five years to even slightly open my heart to the idea that i could like Metallica again. So, i went to HMV last weekend, and all the hype, all the posters, it was all about Metallica, so i went to a listening station and i listened. And strangly enough, i liked what i heard. So i bought the record. I was embarressed, but i bought it, and since Tuesday, i have been listening to it. And enjoying it. The lyrics aren't as strong as they have been in the past, or maybe they aren't as strong as i remember them being...because like my cousin says "sometimes memories tend to distort", but they are ok, the mix is good, and every song has a guitar solo, which is the exact opposite of it's awful predecsor or however you spell that word. So, yeah, I am rocking out...and driving faster, and even banging my head a little bit, which is unlike my normal self, but every once in a while, you need to return to your roots and embrace them...and as much as i don't want to admit it, these are my roots and for the moment at least....i am accepting and enjoying them.

Standout tracks: The Unforgiven III, The Day That Never Comes, and All Nightmare Long.

Ps. I was nearly killed by a maniac in a truck this afternoon. It was actually really truamatic. I wanted to go home, but instead i had to stay at work and work.

"I Wanna Be Like Mike"

2008-05-06T15:14:00.003-06:00

Everybody wants to be like Mike. Or at least thats what we've heard. But who does Mike want to be like? In this case, i am no longer talking about former Washinton Wizards player Michael Jordan, but have since moved on to talking about myself. Now, i am pressed for time, but hope to complete this blog in good time, and with logical or semi-logical precision. Who do I want to be like? There are lots of skills i wish i had, personality traits even, levels of success i wish i could attain (like Jon Kramer's well known conquest of Tetris) but for the most part I am happy with who I am. Sure, we would all change something about ourselves, but i am thankful, i came from a family who built me up with encouragement and love, so that i could be confidant and content with who God made me to be. So there are not too many people that i really want to be like, and at the end of the day two things are true in this kind of a situation. 1. The grass is always greener. and 2. Everyone is screwed up in one way or another so in being more like someone else, and being less like myself i might find a whole new set of screwed-up-ness to deal with.

Anyway. At least at one point in my life, a wise friend, and mentor compared me to The Apostle Peter. Particularly in my younger days. I had this duplicity of character and will that plagued me. At one moment I could be a strong leader in our faith community, and the next, i could be selfish and unable to put my faith where it belonged. For a long time, i have silently lived with that comparison. And i thought it was great. I was brash and confidant and an important leader, but i was also a fool, who could create the biggest messes and fail in large ways. This comparison has always stroked my ego a bit. Even if it meant that i made big mistakes it meant i was important, and that i could be like someone who Jesus would choose to build his church upon.

But last night, and today, i for no reason started reading about Peter again. And because of a statement i read in the book "Too Busy Not to Pray" by Bill Hybels I realized (even though i knew this already, i think God illuminated my mind in this moment) that the story of Peter goes beyond bumbling disciple with lots of potential but can't seem to get his act together enough to do good for extended periods of time. Peter is changed by Christ. Peter has his ultimate failure in denying Christ, and then is reinstated, and challenged by the resurrected Christ. After Christ ascends to Heaven, Peter is completely changed. The power of the Spirit in Peter's life is crazily evidant. He becomes the leader, and the preacher that Jesus knew he could and would be. He is bold, and brash, and confidant, all the things he was before, but without the consistant failures that would set him back, and slow God's work in and through Peter.

He was a new man. And this is who i want to be. I don't want to be associated with bumbling disciple Peter anymore. I want to be changed by Christ, through his Spirit, and become the man that Christ wants me to be. Finally using my skills, and my passions and my personality in the best possible way, the way he made me to be, for his glory. I am still honored (even if it is now only in my own mind) to be compared to Peter, but from now on, i want the comparison to be to the second version of Peter.

Evaluation

2008-04-23T11:39:00.002-06:00

So, like a month and a half ago or somewhere around that time, i (on my own initiative) asked several people in my church to fill out an evaluation of me and my ministry.

Wow.

I do and I don't regret doing this. (keep in mind i am posting this blog mere seconds after reading the results of the evaluation) I don't regret it because it is the right thing to do. To go to other people and ask for them to help you see yourself fully in order to be better at what you do. I do regret it because, it hurts. I know i'm not perfect, in fact, i agreed with much of what was on there, i knew my own faults mostly, but i guess i was not prepared to hear other people say the things that i already knew. And i think it bugs me because it is annonymous, at least to me. I didn't compile the results, one of our board members did, so he knows who said what, but at the same time, i don't want to know, cause i don't want to hate people.

I guess it feels like some of the comments made are not coming across in the spirit of helping me improve as much as they are knives being thrust into me. I know i am being dramatic, anyway, i just wanted to say, being evaluated (i think in ministry more then not ministry) is difficult and painful, unless you are totally awesome, and then it is probably great.

Dave Nonis and Me

2008-04-16T13:57:00.004-06:00

So, this handsome man in the picture is the former General Manager of my favorite team in all of sportsdam, The Vancouver Canucks. His name is Dave Nonis. He was fired from his position of General Manager just a couple of days ago. I feel his pain. You see Dave was a guy who was trying to build his team. (A General Manager is the guy who gets all the players for his team, just in case you didn't know). He had inherited a team from his predecessor, and after making some changes to the team that symbolized his vision for which direction the team would go, he set to work, trying to enable this team to be successful in the present as well as have the pieces set out to be competitive in the future. Dave laid out a plan, kind of a five year plan or so, that in his mind would bring the level of competition, skill, and future assets to an all time high. So, basically, Dave had a vision for the present of his job, and for the future, and what i liked about Dave is that he was committed to both. Meaning he didn't want to sacrifice the future in an unreasonable way to accomodate the demands of today, and he didn't want to ignore the demands of today at the detriment of the future. Dave was in a pickle. And the sad thing is, Dave didn't get to see his plan come to fruition. His 5 year plan was cut short by really about a year and a half, as like i said, he was fired. In my opinion, Dave maybe didn't act the ways all the fans (including myself) thought he should have. At times, he seemed more committed to the nebulous know as the future more then he was to the present, but we pay him (ok, i don't actually pay him) to make decisions regarding the team, the players, and the direction/identity of the team. No, even without firing Dave Nonis, there were going to be changes this summer. Missing the playoffs in such a dreadful way, indeed is not acceptable, but players contracts were up, Dave was finally going to have some room under the salary cap with which to improve his team. But he got fired before he even had a chance. It's too bad really. Dave was squeezed out. He didn't meet expectations of the fans, and he obviously didn't meet the expectations of his bosses. From Above and Below, Dave felt the pressure, and ultimatly lost him job.

So, this other handsome man is me. I am not a general manager, though it is sort of a dream of mine to be one. I am a youth pastor. And i love my job, it is my dream job. You see, when i call being a general manager a dream job i mean it as if to say, only in my dreams could i accomplish such a thing, wheras being a youth pastor is my dream job because it's what i want to do (as well as what i believe myself called by God to do). Anyway, i also feel the tension that Dave Nonis, no doubt felt. There is an aspect to my particular brand (youth) of ministry that demands long term sustainability as well as current sucsess. And we could get into a huge debate over what "ministry success" is, but for this instant, lets say it has more to do with the amount of kids coming to your youth ministry, and other measurable things like "conversions". I took over this job from a friend. I liked him, i thought he had smart ideas, and wasn't an idiot, and left the youth ministry for the most part intact. (side note, Dave Nonis also took over the job from a friend and mentor, and things were still mostly in tact when he took the reins). But it was clear some changes had to be made. So i did it gradually. I let things play out a bit, then i started making my moves, adding and subtracting differant leaders. Changing the format of the ministry, communicating a vision, and setting out to build a foundation for the years ahead. This has been mostly met with positive results/reviews. We haven't seen a huge number of kids coming to all our events, but there has actually been an increase from when i took over, and no, not many conversions either, but a couple. Now, i don't think i'm about to get fired. I certainly hope I'm not about to get fired. But what i am comparing here is pressure. I have parents and non parents who want to see things better and amazing now. I have bosses who seem to believe in my building a foundation for a stronger future mentality, but eventually push is going to come to shove, and one of those philosphies, though i try to balance them both is going to become more important to the people who control my future then the other, and it could cost me my job. So even though "ministry" maybe should not be as "performance driven" as it has become, we need something by which to judge if things are working out, and i am feeling Dave Nonis's pain as someone who is trying to balance both future and present, and bring both to a standard of excellence.

So, for Vancouver Canucks Fans, Ownership, my bosses and the people whom i serve, Patience is important, but eventually, when do we say we've been patient enough and we need to see some results, and whose job is going to be taken in order to reach those goals.

what to do?

2008-04-10T11:22:00.002-06:00

I find myself dealing with many quandries these days. Quandries about money, quandries about family, quandries about baby names (though not really), quandries about the future, and most importantly (haha) quandries about this blog.

Yes it's true, i don't post very often anymore. And i'm sure no one reads this anymore, since really, i haven't had anything to say to the online world since October of 2007, but every once in a while, my heart beats to talk to no one in particular, and spill my guts through the keys of my computer, and so the blog lives for now.

It's been quite the year. I came into the job thinking i knew more then i did, and thinking i was better prepared then i was. I've made mistakes, not followed through on all the things that i thought were most important, caved to pressure, and learned a lot. I'm still learning how to lead a team, and how to delegate and give responsibilities to other people to give them ownership of ministry. Most of all, i think it's been difficult in this area to "demand" or "ask for" more committment. It's easy for me (sometimes) to be committed to the goals of my ministry, after all, they are my goals right, and also because it's my job, i get paid to do this, i have more invested in the whole thing. I wish i could lead people into the passion and desire for youth that i have. I haven't done a great job, but i'm not angry at myself, i've seen all of this as learning as i go. And thankfully my church has been gracious enough to extend that to me, not expecting me to know everything and be perfect. I guess that's just my biggest struggle from this year. I mostly know where I want to go, but how can i take people there with me. Thats what i am working on mostly in my head and somewhat on paper, but thats one of the big changes i want to see for the fall when we begin a new year of youth ministry.

I could ramble because i haven't done this in a while, and you my faithful internet people nameless, and shapeless, and even some who are shameless are in the dark about many situations in my life, but i think i will leave it there for now, and come back another day feeling refreshed and ready to tackle this responsibility again.

feeling lost and wanting to watch it

2007-10-30T16:40:00.000-06:00

So, over the last couple months, i have been reading about Jesus. Thinking about Jesus. Talking about Jesus, praying to Jesus, worshiping Jesus, trying to be like Jesus, and trying to get others to do all of the above. So i've come to a conclusion. It's hard to be like Jesus. I'm sitting here at the youth center where i work, and it's filled (ok not actually filled) but there are kids here, most if not all of whom don't know Jesus. And so, what should i be doing? I should be building relationships with them...because i think in most cases before you can really share the gospel with someone...you need to build a legitimate relationship with them, and also not just see them as targets or projects for proselytization....but as someone you actually care about. Here's the problem. Doing that is difficult. And somehow i feel a little ripped off, not to say that Jesus didn't do the relational thing, he did with his disciples and other people who were close to him, but then there were also situations where he could just walk up to someone and speak to them authoritativly, or something. Thats not coming out right. He was just more natural with people who were "non-religious". I care for these people, for these kids, but some of them are annoying, and even the ones who are not annoying, i find in so hard to connect with them here at the youth center. I wish i could be more like Jesus, in that people are drawn to him, and he was able to get that instant connect with people, especially people that other people generally reject...but sometimes ( like today) i feel more like a rejector, rather then someone who loves the unloveable etc. Other days are btter, but not today....i'm an extremist though, a fatalist of sorts, i realized that a long time ago when i was deeply into my rock and roll life (imaginary rock and roll life) when it was all or nothing, and broken hearts, and suicide, and drunkenness, and depression, and highest highs of joy when things go right, but deepest depths when things go wrong. I'm not quite that bad anymore, but it seems to come out when i write out my feelings, because i most feel like writing or being creative when i am depressed. It's an old habit of mine from back in the day

dangerous time (lovers in a)

2007-10-16T13:22:00.000-06:00

so i'm back to blog again.
And i'm listening to music on my itunes. And because of this, soon, someone will come into the office to work, and i will either have to turn itunes completely off, or turn the volume so low that i won't be able to hear it anyway, but while i've got the time, i'm going to listen to the tuneage.

and to answer your question Jon, nothing yet has happened with Vermilion Idol, i performed live on the radio last week with my death cold, butchered "Mr. Jones" by the Crows, due to my inability to keep time, and actually hear myself. I did an alright rendition of "Every Rose...." which really is my bread and butter song, but even with that song, i didn't do it perfectly. Oh well, thank God no one heard that radio performance because it's a new crappy radio station.

and what did i tell you, someone is here, and there goes my music.

maybe i will just shut my door...but then i feel closed off an unaccessable. Oh well, maybe today i need to be closed off and unaccessable.

so basically today, well, sorta today, sorta sunday, i had what i will from hence to forth refer to as my first ministry wound. Not to say that my senior pastor leaving within six months of my arrival didn't hurt, but this was differant. I'm not going to go into much detail, because people who know people might read my blog, but the bottom line is....i felt horribly betrayed and pained by the actions of people in my church family against me. It was a weird feeling, definitly not the same as when Shawn left....though that sucked too, but this was differant...someone i care about, and have tried to invest in went behind my back and over my head to deal with a problem they have with a decision i made. It sucks. It's the kind of feeling that honestly makes me question i would ever want such a job, the kind of feeling that makes you wonder if it's really worth it. Not that i am going to quit over this incident, but it really makes you think.

So, needless to say, i'm not having a great day.

But, in other news, i have finally started watching Smallville season six. I'm 12 episodes in, and for the most part, quite satisfied with how things are progressing, although, it seems that things are going to go back to a Clark and Lana storyline, which to be honest makes me sick, because i am tired of Clark and Lana, and we all know they don't get together in the end anyway. But Smallville has made me feel better, you should've seen how pumped up i got after i put the dvd in and the theme music started playing, i started jumping and dancing and singing....it made my heart feel good.

So what else is going on? I read a book called "All for Jesus". It's a history of the Christian and Missionary Alliance from 1887 to 1987. I liked it, for some reason, i just devour Alliance History books. Anyway, it got me thinking. Have we lost some of the good stuff that A.B. Simpson founder of the C&MA) held dear in the Alliance today? I mean, sure, he didn't want to start a new denomination, and we did that, but i am thinking more about the doctrine of divine healing. Divine Healing was a huge part of Dr. Simpson's faith, and a big part of the worldview that shaped people who were seriously associated with the Alliance. Now, not only do we not talk about it, we don't even really believe in it....well at least it seems that way. In the local church settings that i have been apart of (all Christian and Missionary Alliance) there have been very few references to divine healing. I've heard very few to zero sermons on the subject, and yet, we still claim to believe in it, we have to believe in it to be ordained. But then i guess there is a differance in what we say we believe and what we practise even at the basest levels. But then again, the Alliance is not very organized in a way. I mean i'm in some ways thankful that the national and district offices don't legislate things, but as pastors in the Alliance, should we not ourselves be taking a serious look at some of these beliefs that brought our denomination to where they are today and putting them into practise in our churches, especially if our levels of leadership give us the freedom to do so, even if they don't mandate or push us to do so? I don't know, i don't see myself leading a healing service anytime soon, but maybe we should be thinking about what we say we believe, and then actually how we live and what we teach or ignore teaching in our churches.

And it's not just divine healing. We were known as an organization devoted to a deeper life in Christ, and, it seems to me that we (not just in the Alliance) are not preaching a gospel or challenging people to take thier faith to that next level. Many churches preach airy-fairy messages that don't seek to change people's lives. Not that we alone can do that, obviously the Spirit takes a huge role in that, but we as preachers need to trust the spirit, and speak the hard truths that some churches seem to want to ignore in favor of being esthetically pleasing or "seeker sensitive". This is getting long. I don't want to be part of a church or denomination that is more concerned with pleasing people then speaking the truth of the Gospel in order to bring people to a saving knowledge of Jesus Christ. And i don't mean doing it in a way that puts people down, a "holier then thou" attitude, i want to be part of a church or denomination that preaches grace, and love, but also repentance and forgiveness, and baptism, and evangelism. And we do, to a certain extent....i just feel like we've lost or cut off some of the roots that made the Alliance as strong as it once was....i think if i asked every person in my congregation what they knew abvout the Alliance, i feel like almost no one would know anything about doctrine or beliefs or mission other then we "don't ordain women".....and that doesn't seem right to me. So more then likely we as local churches have dropped the ball in this area, but maybe it's time to pick the ball back up.

and i was about to publish this when a song by Derek Webb came on, and i felt the need to share they lyrics with you....here they are...it just hit me....and i needed to share... it's called "I Repent"...ps. did you know Kyle Keller met Derek Webb....lucky!

"i repent, i repent of my pursuit of america's dream
i repent, i repent of living like i deserve anything
of my house, my fence, my kids, my wife
in our suburb where we're safe and white
i am wrong and of these things i repent

i repent, i repent of parading my liberty
i repent. i repent of paying for what i get for free
and for the way i believe that i am living right
by trading sins for others that are easier to hide
i am wrong and of these things i repent

i repent judging by a law that even i can't keep
of wearing righteousness like a disguise
to see through the planks in my own eyes

i repent, i repent of trading truth for false unity
i repent, i repent of confusing peace and idolatry
by caring more of what they think than what i know of what we need
by domesticating you until you look just like me
i am wrong and of these things i repent"

petering out

2007-10-12T11:42:00.000-06:00

Does anyone else feel like blogging as a fad is coming to an end? At least withing my circly of influence it seems like the once fruitful world of blogging is barren. Only Jon Kramer consistently blogs, and writes out his thoughts in the wonderful world known as the bloggisphere. But let me be honest, i haven't myself posted a new blog since June the fifth, which was over four months ago now, but i haven't missed it that much, until now. Over the last week or so, i have missed blogging, i have had things on my chest, which i have wished to get off my chest via: the world wide web, and until now, have yet to do so...although i don't know how heavy into everything i will get today....even though blogging is like riding a bike, you still want to take it easy at first, so you don't fall off and embarress yourself in front of all the people watching and in my case, that is pretty much no one, although there is a potential for people to start looking at my blog again when i admit via facebook status that my blogging has begun again. Essentially i have just felt the need to have an outlet to say things, to think things, and to communicate them with a imaginary world, which is the blog world. More to come....in the meantime, i need to acquire some lunch, and then i will return, possibly with my lunch to type and to blog my little heart out.

Ok, so i didn't type any more blog during my eating time...but it's hard to eat and type at the same time. It's also difficult when you are reading about and watching videos about hockey and wrestling. You see what my problem is, is that i lose the will to blog really quick. Like here I am, deeply into a new blog after a four month absence and already i have no desire to do this. What is my problem...it's not like i'm a committifobe or anything like that...oh well.

Life update: since June the following things have happened. I went camping twice, once in Alberta, and once in B.C., i'll probably do the same next summer since camping is not as expensive as other types of vacations. The rear passenger tire exploded for no good reason off of Cara's Ford Focus....and i know what you are thinking...thats what i get for buying a ford right, well fair enough. We raised a whole crap load of money for The Edge Youth Center here in Vermilion with a food booth at the Vermilion Fair. It was an exhausting weekend, but it was still really fun, we don't know if we will do it again this summer. We got an interim pastor at Parkview to help us out in the time being between the loss of Pastor Shawn, and who over our new full time pastor will be. It's working out pretty good so far. I've bought a few new cd's. Not too many though, because let's be honest, money is tight around these parts, most recently i bought the new Ben Harper CD, and also Wilco's most recent release "Sky blue Sky", i was not a huge fan of Wilco, but then Matt Kinniburgh burned me a copy of this disc, and i was immeadiatly entranced by it's awesomeness. Also, i bought Matthew Good's new CD "Hospital Music" he wrote it in the aftermath of his painful divorce and a suicide attempt. If his brother was Chaz Tenenabaum, Chaz would have asked him if his new CD was "dark" and Matthew would've responded.... "it's a suicide note....of course it's dark".....ok maybe it would not have gone exactly like that, but it's difficult to put a great movie and great songwriter together like that. Also, in the time since i last blogged, youth ministry restarted here in Vermilion, it started off really strong, but has dropped off in attendance because of athletic competition. And to think i used to think Sports were cool. What else has happened? Oh, i saw two concerts....Crowded House (Pete Yorn opened for them, he's the reason we went) and of course Keith "I don't really hate Canada" Urban. Keith's concert was magnificent, one of the best i have ever seen actually, and Pete's was good too, but he wasn't the headliner so he didn't get to play for as long as i would have liked him to. Anything else? I started my ordination process....read one book, and i was going to write the paper today, but why write a paper, when you can resurrect a blog? I think thats about it....oh no, also Cara and I have been renovating our place. It has been a lot of work, but we really have enjoyed the results....

So listen i'm not going to get into any of that heavy, actual thinking stuff today, i'll leave that for the next blog, four months from now (hopefully not that long, but you never know)

Anyway, peace and love to you and your kinfolk.

i think that it has been a long long time...

2007-06-05T10:42:00.000-06:00

Hey peeps.

I'll skip the apologies, but i will let you know that in the place of infrequent blogging, facebook has taken over. So much so, that i nearly destroyed this blog, and closed it forever! But me and my blog have been through a lot and i'm not quite ready to do that to the Shaolin Chronicles just yet.

So, whats been happening in my life. A lot! But there are certain things you don't discuss on a blog, especially since you never know who might be reading. Basically, things are tough at work. That's my blanket statement to let you...my faithful readers or random stumblers...know that the difficulty in my life stems from work. I wish i could be more descriptive, especially since i like to think of myself as a fairly descriptive person, but i shouldn't and so i won't.

So, i'm preaching at church this next sunday, and i'm reading a couple of books, in hopes that they will supplement well, the biblical text that i hope to use. The main one i am using right now is "Emotionally Healthy Spirituality" by Peter Scazzero. Anyhoo, i was reading it, and came across a statement that caught my eye. And it's one of those things about faith that i "already knew", at least intellectually. I know a lot intellectually, but in my heart, and the way i live doesn't always reflect "what i know", which makes me realize, maybe i don't actually "know" it. You hopefully know what i mean, maybe you yourself have had some of those situations. Anyway, here it is, if i can find it again, it's not my book, so i can't highlight stuff, Lame.

"Christianity is not about our disciplined pursuit of God, but about God's relentless pursuit of us"

Even though i knew that, Scazzero's words caught me off guard. I realized that for a good portion of my life, and in the life of many Christians i know, we spend our time trying to live good moral lives so that God will love us. We try and use our own will's and self discipline to change our bad habits and incorrect thinking, and we fail. We fail, we fail, we fail, and we feel like we can never live up to God's standards, and that's because we try and do it all on our own. We see Christianity as a lifelong pursuit of changing ourselves and being a better person, and we ignore the truth that God pursues us, that he chases after he lost lambs, that he loves us to the point of dying for us, just so that we could have a chance to know him, and love him back. (Calvinists might disagree with me there, but hey, when do Calvinists not disagree with me!?)

Anyway, just some food for thought. And i wish that there was a Quiznos in Vermilion, cause thats the food i'm craving for eating. mmmmm, quiznos, but i guess i'll just have to settle for Minestrone soup and a sandwhich. Also good. Oh yes, and i've finally become a real Christian. And to which you may reply, oh good...but what is the mark of a real Christian....to which i will reply, sponsoring a child through compassion. Yes Cara and I were touched at YC, and challenged to spend our money sacrificially on improving the life of someone other then ourselves, so we have bought a child his name is Ramadhan Risqe. He lives in Indonesia, he's turning four in November. He's swell. Also, we may have chosen him based soley on the fact that we liked his cool name, and his sweet Mickey Mouse outfit.

Peace and Love

Relevant Magazine

2007-04-20T11:22:00.000-06:00

That title is misleading. I haven't ready anything interesting in relevant magazine lately, so thats not what this is about. Although, don't take that as a slam on relevant magazine, i just have not read one in a long time, so there may have been interesting articles and information, but i haven't read one in a while so i have not been able to partake and thus have not been able to share any of the relevant wisdom with you here in this venue.

Man, Relevant is a popular word in Christianity World.

Anyway, I am reading something. I'm reading a book called "The Radical Reformission" and it's written by a Pastor named Mark Driscoll. I'm only two chapters in, and already this book has me thinking more deep thoughts perhaps then any other book i've read with the exception of "The Bible" and "The Cost of Discipleship" by Dietrich Bonhoeffer. (clearly i've discovered the power of the link again...props to that AUC-NUC alumni newsletter or whatever it is) Anyway, the last chapter (chapter two) was about relevance. I like what he said because i find that many of the people so bent on relevance in Christianity take it too far, and actually become part of the culture as opposed to the "in the world, but not of the world" idea. I myself have done this before, but i see this as a big danger to the Gospel. Anyway, he talks about the importance of being culturally relevant, but also the danger of forgetting in that to be faithful to God, so that was one point i liked.

I've decided this blog isn't really going anywhere because i am not explaining very well what is being shown to me. So, just buy and read the book.

Other then that, life is swell, hanging out with new friends, developing relationship (which always seem to happen on Canuck Playoff Game nights...but i'm not complaining), but it's been good, because for the first couple months of being here, Cara and I often felt lonely. It was a harder transition then we thought it would be in terms of relationships, but we've finally taken some initiative (and by we....i mean Cara, but luckily she takes me along with her) and spent time with people here in the church and created some friends out of people we could have only before considered friendly aquaintances.

In the meantime, i'm feeling kind of hungry, which is bizarre because for once I actually had breakfast today. It must've been all that thinking i've done this morning about going on a diet that has gotten me hungry. Also, there should be a "Man Curves". I should start my own cult of self concious men who want to lose weight but are too embarresed to go to the gym, but also, "Man Curves" should be cheaper then lady curves, or lady curves should also just be cheaper. I don't know. I think if i had a team of people that wanted to work out with me, and were in the same boat physically i would be more inclined to do that. I also like to play team sports, but none of the ones i play exist right now so i was thinking of playing "ball" this summer, but i've never been very good at "ball" and also, it's one of the least athletic sports in the world. Especially if you are a pitcher. The blue Jays had some fat pitchers...who were they again...Roger Clemons, but he was only slightly chubby, who was the other guy, who went and played for the Yankees? I don't know, i just don't actually care about Baseball in any way shape or form....

Also, i have a big youth event tonight. I hope it goes well and we get some teens to come out and have some fun.

Since this blog basically has no purpose, theme, or relevance, i believe i will end it here. But seriously, buy that book, it's really good.

Long time Comin'

2007-04-11T14:13:00.000-06:00

Hey, so, if you don't know the bad news from my life, you can email me or call me, i'm not getting into that here, but i think you all know. I don't know exactly who all reads this blog, because creeps sometimes look at my blog, but regardless, if you don't know, then you probably don't need to know, and if you don't know, but you should know, ask someone who knows. And if you don't know, because you aren't really supposed to know, just keep reading my blog over the next few months and you will probably figure it out unless you are an idiot in which case, you really shouldn't know....Speaking of things you shouldn't know....I may be blogging when i should be finishing my talk for youth tonight.

Well i just need a break ok, don't hold it against me, in which case you will eventually become one of the people who doesn't know.

Man, i'm feeling a little fiery today. Perhaps it's because i've got some sweet mamma-jamma slippers on, or perhaps it's because of my sweet Jack Bauer poster hanging in my office confidantly staring at me the way only Jack Bauer could, or perhaps it's because of something i dont' want to publicly discuss, or perhaps, and most likely it's this, except for perhaps it's a little bit of the last option as well, it's because IT'S PLAYOFF TIME AND THE CANUCKS ARE IN THE PLAYOFFS, BECAUSE IF THE CANUCKS WERE NOT IN THE PLAYOFFS, I WOULD CARE LESS, but would still be slightly excited but that doesn't matter because THE CANUCKS ARE IN THE PLAYOFFS AND THEY START TONIGHT, but unfortunatly I have youth group tonight so i won't get to watch it, but such is the life of a youth pastor who cheers for the canucks while living in an oilers fan base. Needless to say, i'm kind of excited for a NHL playoff season that features the team of my dreams, The Vancouver Canucks.

So I have an interesting story. There is this cult in Vermilion, actually it's all over Canada, I don't know if it's in the states or abroad, but it's definitly in Canada and more specifically Vermilion, and yesterday, my wife payed them a visit, for what reason, i prefer not to say, but all you need to know is that she was in thier building, and they accepted her because of her gender. Anyway, i needed to talk to her about some plans for later that afternoon and she was not answering her mobile device, so i decided, i was going in! I parked awkwardly outside thier building, do to thier inconsistantly marked parking spaces, and headed for the door. I'll admit, I was nervous, I didn't know thier protocol, would they shoot my on site? Would they have bouncers for scum like me? Would there be a laser beam security system that i would have to Jack Black it through (this only makes sense if you've seen the film "Tenacious D and the Pick of Destiny", that being said, i do not recommend you to see this film, in fact i reccomend that you don't for reasons deeper then personal taste). Whoa. No, it seemed safe. I entered the opague front doors only to come in to contact with a person I knew. She was a lady from my church, and i could only assume that she was posing as a double agent with this cult in order to gain information on thier cultish, gender exclusive practises. I asked her if she thought it was safe for me to enter, she said yes, i said....ok. I tentativly stepped forward into the shadows which i thought may contain my own destiny, i took a deep breath as if it may be my last, opened the door, and stepped into the light.
Only to be "greeted" by looks of suprise, shock and mistrust, and then my wife running at my chasing me out as if my life depended on it. Maybe it did, i will never know, because thats as close as i got....to the cult known as....Curves for Women....

Watch Out Where the Huskies Go....

2007-03-15T09:58:00.000-06:00

You know what's a great word? Ephod...that is a great word. Anyway, at this moment, i am listening to a sermon from a sermon series on the book of Ruth, as well as blogging. That's right, i'm a multi-tasker. Although i am finding it hard to listen to the sermon over the clickety clack of my typing.

So What is going on in my life? I had youth last night, spoke about influence. I spoke about the influence of people in our lives and how in all honesty we have the power and the ability to either increase or decrease a person's influence in our lives depending on whether or not the person's influence is good or bad. Then i tied it all into how God should be the ultimate influence in our lives as Christians. As i put it together i felt pretty good about it, and i felt like it could create some good discussion. As i delivered my message i found an audience that was distracted and seemingly not tracking with what i was saying. It was a weird feeling. Maybe they were tracking with what i was saying, and perhaps God really spoke to some of the teens about this area in thier lives, but i didn't get that impression, so i felt kinda lame about it, but i guess not every talk can be a home run. (by the way i stopped listening to the sermon because i couldn't follow it whilst i typed).

Life at work has been slower this week, having mostly administrative tasks to accomplish, and then trying to come up with other stuff to do. Last week i spent some time dreaming about what to do with the basement of our youth centre, perhaps next week i will do some more of that. I feel like i have some good ideas for it, but i don't really feel confidant in it right now, like it's some amazing idea or anything. I've been praying that God gives me vision in this area, cause when it's God's idea, it usually works out better. Also it is very hot in my office every day. I don't know what the deal is, but as i told Troy yesterday I feel like i've got the "Meat Sweats". (fyi: the meat sweats are the sweat you get when you eat too many hot wings at the bar and you start to sweat). Awesome.

Tomorrow, myself, my wife, and some teens are headed for Calgary for LYC. I'm actually really excited for it. Last night as i pondered this trip and also threw some prayer in there, i got excited about the ministry of LYC, and how every year God uses this conferance to impact lives and create change, and establish new relationships between himself and many of the attending teens. It is definitly my prayer that this happens again this year. I was also thinking about the glitches (technically speaking) and the last minute details that can really stress the planning team out, and i prayed against that, and just that God's glory and presence would prevail despite all the crap. (how can you tell i've been on the LYC planning team and the prayer team before?) I'm hoping this year's speaker will be good. Most of the effectiveness of LYC hinges on both the speaker and the worship team. It's been that way since i was a teen attending youth conferance and more then likely before that also. This will be my 9th year in a row at LYC (or just YC as it was previously known).

Things with the baby are going fine as far as i can tell. We go for our next doctor's appointment at the end of March, and by that point we will be 12-13 weeks, which will mean we have completed the first trimester. You know what else is a great word? Trimester. I've always liked that word for some reason, ever since i heard it back in Sex Ed. in high school, i thought it was a cool word. Trimester. Anyway, Cara is dealing with most of the pregnancy, since after all, she is the one who is pregnant. I don't think i have been sensitive enough to her pains and her emotions, i guess i'm just not sure how to react to everything. She's reading a new pregnancy book (the book is not actually new, but it's new to us) and i don't actually read it, but i like to be around her when she reads it because she often finds some valueable and pertinent information to our situation, plus, although i haven't been reading the book, i like to learn this stuff with her. I am really excited for this baby to come. It will be here just before Jeremiah's wedding, which will be an adventure in and of itself.

So this has been a fairly long, but not too much to say blog, but i had some time, and wanted to throw out what is going on with me, and that's about it. Also, i have the song "Try Honesty" in my head. I'm not to excited about that, and don't know where it came from, but i am going to try and wash it out, possibly with some Derek Webb or David Crowder band (because i only have Christian Music on my work computer...)

Angry....but you won't find out why by reading this blog

2007-02-27T15:08:00.000-07:00

Before I go into my thoughts on NHL Trade deadline day, which many people are saying has become something of a holiday up here in Canada, let me first confirm that my wife Cara is pregnant. Kudos to you who were able to crack my secret and mystical code. Jon Kramer, better luck next time. So Yes, Cara is pregnant, and we couldn’t be more happy, we had been trying for about four months, and here we are, nervous but very excited and very happy to share this with our friends and family.

Now, on to other subjects: Last Thursday night, Baby (this is how I will refer to the child growing in Cara’s womb henceforth until its birth) attended his first rock concert. Well, ok, perhaps rock concert is not the right phraseology, because it was a Christian concert, and so this is not to say it was not rockin’ or enjoyable (we saw Jars of Clay in Edmonton), it was both, but the atmosphere of a Christian concert is so incredibly different then that of a concert which is not so definitely Christian. You see, I felt among the audience a lack of freedom to actually enjoy the music and be moved by it. The music of Jars of Clay has many times created an emotional response in me, and I have often appreciated the connection with the music that I have had. Seeing them live and seeing fellow concert-goers unable to respond to music was sad. You see, when I saw ACDC when they took the stage, we jumped to our feet, when they played the intro to “thunderstruck” the roof blew off of the stadium. People spontaneously move, and dance, and jump, and they have a great time, and they sing, and no one cares about how they sound, or how they look, because the music supercedes all that stuff. (Also they may be drunk or high, which also supercedes the concerns about looks and sounds, but you get the point). Christian concert-goers at a Christian concert didn’t stand until they were asked to stand. It was like a church service, they stood when they were asked to stand, they sat down awkwardly when they felt they could sit down (sort of like at the offertory when the worship band is still singing a song, but you feel like you should sit, but you aren’t sure if no one has told you) It was so awkward, and sad. So there was that. Then there was the fact that Jars lead singer Dan Haseltine had laryngitis. So he didn’t always sound that great, and sometimes he would try and get the crowd to sing along, and they would, but at a very low volume so that no one could hear you if you screwed up! It was awful, these people had no heart, the music didn’t affect them in such a way that they felt it an honor to sing along with Dan and the boys, to songs that have truly impacted their own hearts. The crowd sang the songs out of duty, and from a sense of fear that someone might actually have an emotional response to these songs and actually sing passionately from their hearts!

Well, I just got distracted for 40 minutes and I’ve lost my train of thought. I’ll post more another time. Just know the concert was good, except for a lady who stood up in front of us for half the concert and blocked our view of the stage. She was a swayer, she was quite annoying, especially to Cara, but also to me, but especially to baby.

Secret Codes and the Reality of being Patient

2007-02-17T21:28:00.000-07:00

At the outset of this blog i want you to know that i was forced to get a google account in order to continue using my blog. I don't like this, and have therefore set out to stop using google.

The real blog begins now

I’m sitting here at the Edge, my volunteers didn’t show tonight, but luckily God helped me finish my sermon C before we opened. He even gave me time to rent and try out a new PS2 game that I definitely, well sorta don’t like. I haven’t made up my mind yet, I don’t like the controller configuration A which by the way is not adjustable, but I like some of the newer features. Anyway, I’m here at the edge, listening to the wallflowers, and watching a group of teens interact around the pool table. Also note that I am feeling really tired. R Anyway, I thought about Jesus, cause that’s what you do when you are a pastor, and anyway, I thought about how Jesus could have just walked up to these kids and entered in to dialogue with these kids and A they would’ve been changed. I wish I could do that. I wish I could walk into a situation with these teens, or I guess a conversation, and engage them they way Christ did. Also, I feel like just sitting here, selling them pop, I giving them pool cues, video games and being friendly is not very effective. I guess I wish I could see S more results from this ministry, but I suppose the fact that we have about 15 non-churched kids in here tonight is results enough. I guess I just want to interact P with them the way I can with the church kids. To get to know them easier, to talk to them easier, to talk about deep and spiritual R things, to talk about even dumb stuff. Now Keith Urban is on, he’s sweet. I don’t know, these kids don’t want to talk to people here, well, E most of them don’t and the ones that don’t mind talking to you, G don’t seem to have much to say. Oh well. It’s in the Lords hands; I’m being faithful to do my part. I want to pray more N for these kids, but I guess I am slowly building a relationship A with some of them, I guess I just want it to feel more natural. In other news, life is good, I’m preaching in the morning, a N little nervous about it, but not so much also. I’m going to be pretty open and vulnerable with the congregation tomorrow. I felt Gods leading in it, so I hope it works out. I need to T sleep soon.

Ps. There is a secret code in this blog. If you figure it out, you will get a big surprise.

Random Thought of the Day

2007-02-07T09:48:00.000-07:00

If Olivia Newton-John married John Travolta, her name would be "Olivia Newton-John Travolta.....and that, that would be cool.

Heavier Things

2007-02-06T16:41:00.000-07:00

Some friends of mine had a baby. I'm stoked.

I'm feeling kinda blue this afternoon, i'm at the Edge Youth Center Here in Vermilion. Not really feeling like being here, but it's where i am supposed to be, so after fixing one of the computers in our internet cafe, i've taken up residence here to write another quick blog. The next couple weeks are going to be insane for me. I'm going to see Jars of Clay in Edmonton, the next day i'm running back to Saskatoon (for the first time ever!), and then i am coming back to take a gaggle (hopefully) of teens snowboarding and skiiing in Cold Lake. Not to mention preaching once in regular church, once for youth, and also singing on the worship team this weekend. Busy-ness doesn't necesarrily mean productivity, but in this case i think i will be. After this two weeks it will calm down, till LYC in Calgary and then i preach again after i get back.

I have a dream to see Vermilion come to see and know God, is that naive? Is that a dream we all go in with, and then once reality sets in we all get jaded and believe that God can't actually do it, or perhaps that we are restrained by the institution we have chosen to serve? Or are we restrained by our own view of this "institution" that we impose and suppose and assume. Do we assume that God, through a board of elders and a sr. pastor won't grant us the freedom to do something revolutionary in our community context? I don't know, I spent a few days at youth pastors retreat, and though i love the church, and the elders board i serve under and the sr. pastor i serve with, and it seems other guys don't...and seem to have real issues. I heard guys complain, and that wasn't the whole weekend, but it seems in some guys, the passion is gone, and also the perspective is gone, this doesn't make any sense, and more then likely, from thier perspective, i am some wide eyed rookie, with dreams and ideals that are all going to be crushed under the weight of reality. Oh well, as long as i still feel like God can do some work here in Vermilion, i will be happy and naive, and patient and serving him here. I'm gonna talk to my senior about it tomorrow. we'll see how it goes.

I'll let you know.

Too Tired To Blog

2007-02-03T15:32:00.000-07:00

My blog title is self explanitory, but what you might not catch is the similarity referance to a whiskeytown song called "too drunk to dream" which i'm pretty sure i put on Troy's mix cd. Great song. Life has been busy, and since i am no longer an intern, i feel bad about blogging while i am at work, so i am blogging from my brother in laws place while Cara and I babysit our neice. They got two new cats, to go with thier already two other cats, which doesn't work for me since i don't like cats at all in the first place. Anyway, i wish i had a lot more to say, to be honest this environment is not very condusive to blogging, because in laws are here, cats are jumping all over the place, and it smells like natural gas in here. Anyway, this is just a quick update to tell you i am alive, and that ministry is going well. I just returned from a Youth Pastor's retreat, which helped me connect with like minded individuals, and also gain some perspective on my life and current ministry. It was refreshing, despite the fact that it was filled with late nights and early mornings. That combo has followed me home the last couple days also, which has added to my fatigue. I enjoyed my time at Youth Pastor's retreat, cause i have been kinda lonely, at least lonely because for the better part of my last six years i have surrounded myself with friends and colleauges who are working towards a similar thing as me, this is all crap. WHat a lame blog, i'm sorry. I'll get something figured out soon. I need to blog more, and hopefully with my reading, teaching ect, i'll have more to say, and maybe some things will happen in my life that are more worth describing. My typing fingers on my left hand hurt. The end

One Day Down

2007-01-16T19:00:00.000-07:00

So, today was my first day on the job. It was mostly uneventful. Did some paperwork, answered a couple emails, did a lot of chatting with the other staff, on anything from "24" to district policies, and the future of the rural church. I also managed to get my stuff unpacked and set up, except for my canucks bar stool, which i will get set up on the morrow. Also, my dad is better. It's almost hard to believe, because it all seemed so bad, but thanks to innumerable prayers and some help from the G-O-D, it has worked out and he is going home on friday. Cara and I are doing well, she is activly pursuing employment, and cleaning up our house in the meantime. Today was the first time since we moved that we have been apart for more then a couple hours. I missed her,butithink it was good, because she was able to clear her head and do some thinking about the future (and she was able to make me a fabulous roast beef dinner for when i came home). We are currently at Cara's brothers house and we are babysitting our niece Jayden. She is very cool. I like her a lot, she is just fantastic. She's like a little human being, and she is funny, and cute and cuddly. She has gotten into the habit of Mikey though which i am not a huge fan, but since she is so cute, i will let her get away with it, but don't you get any funny ideas. Anyway, life seems to be settling down, which makes me quite happy and quite pleased, and quite content. Speaking of content, i need to sleep some more, but i have been watching somuch Gilmore Girls, it's not even funny. And things are about to go Awry, and it makes me sad. I'm finally on season 6. After that, we will get back to 24. I suppose this wasn't much of a blog, but hey any blog at this point is better then nothing i would say. I'm thirsty. Talk to you later, and more often hopefully now!

Home on the Range

2006-12-29T19:59:00.000-07:00

Hey teens. This will be a short lived post. I am at my brother in laws house. He has internet. I don't. Not much to report. Still here in vermilion, going to vancouver in a few days. Feeling ok, watching lots of tv, and tv on dvd. It's a good life. Wish i had something more to report. I'm about to hold a baby. Gotta Go. Baby's not mine...or Cara's for that matter.

Good Bye CrowChild Road

2006-12-23T00:04:00.000-07:00

Hey Guys
This is my last blog as a residant of Calgary. It seems like i have been experiancing a lot of lasts lately. Today was my last shift as an employee of Christian Publications, I saw Tim for the last time (for a while anyway), I ate at McDonalds for the last time, (there is no McDonalds in Vermilion), You get the picture. It's been hard. More so for Cara, but now it's gotten hard for me. You see, My dad has taken a turn for the worse with his health. I'm finding it hard to be optimistic about the outcome. Not because i am morbid, or negative, or cynical or anything, but i just don't have the peace i had last time this seemed to be an issue. You see when we came through my dad's brain surgery last July, i thought that was it. I thought it was over, at least for a while, and the next chunk of time in my dad's life was going to be spent in recovering from his surgery. For me that meant continued progression of increased health and recovery. Not the case. He has shown signs of improvement, which were always cause for celebration and praise as answer to prayer, but these times of improved health never seemed to last. And here I am 1000km away, not being able to do anything. There's not much i could do if i was there, but it just feels worse, i feel even less of a semblance of control when i am so far away watching my family suffer. I need them to know i suffer too, and it's so hard for me being so far away. I just want to take all of thier pain and load it on to my back, and relieve them. Not because i have the messiah complex, but because i love them, and i hate to see them hurting, and i feel like it's becoming my job to take care of things now. I feel so in the dark. Like no one seems to know what the actual problem is with my dad, and if they do, they aren't saying, because they know that can't fix it, or something i don't know. I wish medicine was cut and dry, black and white. One thing or the other. Yes or No. And I cry out to God. Please Heal my Dad. You can do it, i know you can. And I try to follow my own sermon's train of thought from the summer. I am not in control, God is. God knows what's best, and he wants whats best. He can see the big picture, we can't. Not feeling very comforting to me right now. If i am going through this because i am going to be ministering to someone in a similar situation down the line, tell me now. I need God to be a God of logic right now. I need there to be cause and effect. Was it some sin in my life that has caused this anguish to befall me? It could be, i'm a fairly sinful guy. I just want some answers. Like what is truly wrong with my dad? Can it be medically fixed? WHy is this happening to my family? What's next for my family? It seems to me, when things are going our way, we sometimes praise God (or ourselvers), but when life is shitty, we wonder where God is, and sometimes we blame him. We feel like he hasn't answered us. But he has. It might not be what we want, and rarely do we get to know why, but this is part of faith, and this is more then likely where lots of people drop it, and say, thats too much. I can't feel all this pain and hurt and believe in a God who would put this on me for no reason, or at least no reason he is willing to share. Other people find God in these situations. I'm going to live through this. I am trying with everything i have to trust God, and allow him to take control of my life, but i fear for my family, not my sister and mother. But for the extended family. This would be such a huge loss, a second one, since we lost my uncle just over a year ago. Already I am feeling my own internal pressure to be the strong one, the glue, the one who ministers to them. Rightfully so i guess, i am a pastor now. I don't want my family to lose faith in God, and his love and care, or even more specifically i don't want one member to walk further away in pain. But at the same time I don't know how to react and how to be strong in this situation. I said to Cara earlier tonight "...I'm scared, how about you? Ok, so you want to go back to packing and try to busy ourselves enough to think about it?". I want answers, but i feel like i won't get them. And so i don't expect them. I want to live expectantly in God, but when he doesn't fit into my paradigms of expectations i just want to write him off, or, lower my expectations of the most powerful, intelligant, loving entity that exists.I'm hitting a brick wall it seems. I don't know what to do anymore. You know, i am a person, who always seems to have an answer, and a confidant answer, even if it's I don't know, or if its an answer someone doesn't want to hear, i feel like if you answer confidantly, there are more inclined to believe you, even if you don't know what the hell you are talking about (see about 25% of the phone calls i took at Christian Pub), but this time i really don't have the answers, and i don't have the confidence to bullshit you, which i am usually so good at doing. What a Day. I guess, with experiancing all those last whatevers, i am going to be experiancing some firsts soon, maybe some good ones i hope.

Free at Last (almost)

2006-12-18T17:46:00.000-07:00

What a day. and it's not over yet. I sit before a computer screen at AUC-NUC for what very possibly could be the last time. Or at least the last time for a very long time, as in 40 minutes i will begin writing my final final exam, and will be finished my schooling here. It is a very exciting feeling. From whence i will go to work tomorrow, and every night this week will pack another piece/part of my house up in anticipation of my move to Vermilion this Saturday. One good thing about being finished here at AUC-NUC-CBC-CTS, or whatever, i realized as i rode the elevator up to the sixth floor was that i no longer had to live in constant paranoid fear that i was actually going to die riding that elevator some day. Although i am starting to think my paranoid fear is actually pertaining to all elevators (except grain elevators, and trees that look like grain elevators in the distance). I have an impending feeling of doom almost everytime i ride an elevator. I think it dates back to the shoddy elevator at the school rez, and also the one at Pentland apartment buildings, and then the one here at the school building started acting weird this year, and by weird i mean, the doors close and you expect to begin your upward ascent, but you don't, and you just sit there. Or it will be a rocky ride sometimes, and you (I) feel like you (I) am going to die. So, thus ends another a chapter of my life. No Props to the 19th chapter of my life, which ended quicker then it began, remember that Kyle? I'm sure Troy does, and probably Tim too, since Tim wrote the preface for Chapter 19. Anyone feel like writing a preface for the next chapter I am about to begin. The one where i move to Vermilion and start my job as the youth pastor (associate pastor in charge of youth). I said some goodbyes today, Matt Russell, Bernie Van De Walle, Bill McAlpine, it was a touch emotional. And then I was standing on the sidewalk talking to Matt Russell, and some person drove onto the sidewalk to try and go down an alley, only to find the ally full of Cars going the opposite direction. I called this person a meat-head. Then another car pulled up (almost hit us) and looked like they were trying to cut off the other car in an attempt to go down the same alley. (which spelling is the right one?) Anyway, i proceeded to call this person a meat-head and said, "holy crap this meat-head is going to hit us". And then a man behind me (who happens apperantly to be a new prof this year at AUC) said, no she isn't thats my wife. Then she got out of the car, and he got in, and I walked away feeling very very very awkward. Time to tame the tongue I guess. Speaking of taming the tongue, this keyboard i'm typing on sucks. The space bar isn't working very well, and so often i have been forced to go back and fix errors caused by this infernal machine. I had a great weekend, eating, watching movies, hanging out with, partying with, having sleep-overs with any numbers of good friends this weekend. Tim and I had the sleepover. It was sweet. Kind of a last hurrah, another end of an era, not an end of a friendship, just the end of a close proximity friendship. I have been losing those all over the place, it sucks, but i guess that's growing up right? Speaking of growing up, i made what i thought would be an awesome mix cd today to celebrate my impending release from this blasted institution, but it hasn't turned out as well as i had hoped. I tried to get all really long songs, like 10 minutes long each at least, but it hasn't worked out, cause two were live, and have a huge gap of talking or silence before an encore that i totally forgot about, so i will have adjust this mix tonight when i go home, otherwise, it will be a lost cause, and i don't like lost causes. Though some might call the Canucks a lost cause, and if thats true, then the only lost cause i like is the canucks. Speaking of the Canucks, i'm keeping a long standing tradition alive here today. Every final exam since grade nine i have been wearing a NHL hockey jersey, and today was no differant. Though, i was in such a rush this morning i forgot my lunch/supper. Anyway, if you think about it, that's almost a decade of final exams. Crazy huh? Anyway, this blog is pointless, but i just wanted to reassure you i am still alive, and still kicking, and still whatever. But i'm moving soon, and so you might not hear from me for a while. Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year

An Explanation

2006-12-09T09:52:00.000-07:00

So, last time i blogged, i tried to post a video. A hilarious and beautiful video from the website, U-Tube. Anyway, it didn't work, and it posted these two non-blogs that you see directly underneath this post. Truth be told, this made me very mad. In addition, because the blogs are all corrupted my blog site won't let me delete them. This all made me very mad as i stated above, and so everytime i saw or thought about my own blog I got violently mad, so thats why i haven't blogged, but today i am sucking it up, just enough to get the explanation out of the way. So that's it for now, but soon i will post again, especially since i am moving away from Calgary forever in 19 days. The countdown begins....

Song of the Day: "Goodbye Yellow Brick Road" by Elton John.
Film of the Day: "Elizabethtown" (cause i watched it last night)

2006-12-01T07:48:00.000-07:00

Jumpin on the U-Tube bandwagone (SUYT)

2006-12-01T07:39:00.000-07:00

"What's So Amazing about the Bible Jesus Never Knew"

2006-11-30T07:17:00.000-07:00

Whoa, I'd better clarify. I'm not saying Jesus didn't know they bible, that is just an amalgamation of Phillip Yancy Book Titles. Probobly you'd have to be a nerd like me to think it's kinda funny, anyway....

So i decided that before i Left Christian Publications i should take advantage of my borrowing rights to check out books by Phillip Yancy, cause i had never read any of his books, and apperantly they are pretty good. Or at least he is a popular author. Being a popular author doesn't mean you write good books....see John Eldredge, Dan Brown, Mick Foley as examples. But Phillip is not a bad author. I first read his book, "What's So Amazing about Grace?", because i always wanted to know the answer to that question. It was good, he told many stories about the transforming power of grace as opposed the rule most humans live by which is ungrace. Then i moved on to "The Jesus I never Knew". Also a good read thus far, i haven't quite finished it yet. But as I was reading it on my favorite reading chair yesterday, i came across a statement that i am going to share with you as a qoute. Phillip is talking about the Beatitudes in this passage and i guess what it would look like in our day and age.

"Strength, good looks, connections, and the competitive instinct may bring a person success in a society like ours, but those very qualitites may block entrance to the kingdom of heaven. Dependance, sorrow, repentance, a longing to change-these are the gates to God's kingdom"
- Phillip Yancy (The Jesus I never Knew pg 114)

Anyway, that's what i wanted to share with you today. I need to go get ready for work now. I think i might wear a tie to work today. Also, if you would like to hear some good and encouraging music, check out the song "There is a River" by Jars of Clay. It's from thier most recent record. Have a great day friends. Oh yeah, and if you have some feedback on that quote, let me know.

"Tall Drink of Water...

2006-11-26T21:53:00.000-07:00

Just as I promised, I'm back. Though, i'm feeling a lack of inspiration that has become not uncommon for me in theworld of the blog.

Had a decent day today, had friends over, ate food, hung out, chatted, overall, very positive things.

I voluntered with Operation Christmas Child on Thursday with my small group. It was one of the best experiances i have had in a long time. I couldn't stop talking about it for the next two days following, but found it very much like a missions trip. When you go on a trip of any kind, but also specifically a Missions Trip, you come home and try to explain to people what it was like, how it made you feel, what it made you think about, the people you met, the experiances you had and so on, but they just don't get it. Sometimes, even people who were there with you, don't get your experiance. Thats how i felt trying to talk about this awesome experiance. I felt like no matter how excited it made me, and how if affected me, no one really knew what i meant, and it could be cause i suck at articulating it, which could be true, but anyway it was good. I just felt like i was actually helping out with something that mattered, and i don't think i have felt that way for a while, which is sad, but i think thats how life is. You get a taste of something amazing, and then you go back to a life of mediocrity and normalness, just like everyone else. I don't know, it's very confusing, because i just want to bottle that feeling of satisfaction i had in doing this work, and take a swig every day, but i don't have that. I know feelings don't mean everything, and they can't control you, but i felt so good coming out of that situation, only to feel like no one understood or cared when i tried to explain it. That is a crappy feeling, almost as crappy as puking and vomiting at the same time...i believe there is no worse feeling then that!

Anyway, My dad is going in to the hospital in the morning for a Cat-Scan or however you call it, Megan you should know...anyway, he's still in pain, and so they are checking things out up in his brain. I am scared. I know we have come through a lot, and God has been with us, but i feel like i'm waiting for the other shoe to drop as some would put it. I feel like God's mercy and favor is only going to last so long, and then our luck is going to run out. And it freaks me out, because this whole situation with my dad seems so life or death to me everyday. I don't know, i am totally afraid, yet i know i shouldn't be right? I should trust that God has everything working out, and of course my only preaching that said, trusting God doesn't mean that everything is going to work out the way we want. I know that, but it doesn't make it any less difficult. I know what God is capable of, and yet, i find it hard to believe in the moment that it will work out for me. I guess in some ways i don't deserve to have things go my way, what have i done that would disqualify me from the nessecity of human suffering? Nothing, but at the same time, it comes back to control. I want control over this disease, I want control over my dad's health, and his recovery, but i don't have control, and it scares me, because it's this state of not knowing, having to live day to day, minute by minute, reasserting my faith, and constantly handing over my attempt at control over to the one who actually does have control and a vision of a world and a life outside of the next 6 months to a year. I want to believe that things will work out, and one day i could look back and say, "oh, thats what was going on that i couldn't see at the time", but i also want my dad to not have cancer and recover back to his normal self, but that doesn't seem to be the case, at least not in the time frame or way i want it to. Things look good for a while, then swing back to the other extreme, it's so painful, it's like having your hope crushed over and over again as you finally seem to be able to trust and live again. If it's bad for me, i can't imagine how bad it is for my mom and sister. They are real troopers, I am proud of them, for handling this situation as well as they have, no doubt without God, but still, i feel like i would've failed this had it been me there instead of them.

So, in summation, I feel confused and crappy. Need to gain some perspective...need to do this assignment due tomorrow. Oh well, another day, another dollar.

....Just pour it on down the sink"

Lex and Lana sitting in a Tree

2006-11-25T16:53:00.000-07:00

Well, I haven't posted in a long time. I've meant to, but as i've said many times, the road to hell is paved with good intentions. Anyway, this will be short and sweet, and not really have much content, other then to say, yes i did get hired at the church in Vermilion, and also to say, that i am at work on my break and needing to kill some time, as opposed to killing some mockingbirds, which i do not approve of. I don't have much to say, well that's not true, i have a few things to say, but i want to save them for a more meaningful blog that i hope to post by tomorrow or Monday, but considering i have a major assignment due on Monday and a meeting in the morning, i may not get around to it. What i will get around to is finishing Season 2 of 24 tonight, and depending on how much energy i have, i might motor through the rest of season 5 of Smallville also. And some of you are saying, shouldn't you spend that time working on your assignment? To which i would respond, maybe, but as long as i get it done, and i pass it, i don't really care that much, because when i come home from work, i need to relax and spend time with my wife (aka 24 time). When that is over and i have been fed my evening meal, generally, Cara goes to sleep, and i stay up for another couple of hours, because my body isn't ready to sleep at 9pm, yet nor is my body ready to do homework at 9-11pm either. It's like this state of being awake and what not, yet not being overly mentally active. That's my veg time. I'm alone, i can read, or watch tv, or play video games or do whatever, but it's the time i need to rest, and process the day, so in a round-about way, no i will not use that time to do homework, shame on me i know. I am tired though. At work sometimes, including right now, i feel like i could lie down and sleep on the floor, but once i finish work, i have all this energy and can't fall asleep for many hours. So, thats about it for now, a random and pointless blog, used only to waste time, but now i am getting hungary thinking about going home, so i had better stop and get back to work for another hour and a half, but if any of you feel like stopping in and buying some Christian books, or even calling me at work, i wouldn't be against it.

Somebody Save Me

2006-11-08T09:45:00.000-07:00

So, I was cruising the Web this morning before I started to work and found this hilarious website, that matches your photo to most likley celebrity look-alikes. Since Troy was in the picture I used, I am posting his as well. His worked out better then mine i think. Also, I've started watching Smallville again, i forgot how much i love this show.

http://www.myheritage.com

Things are not always What they seem

2006-11-06T17:45:00.000-07:00

For instance, I walked into a room. Including myself there were six visible people in the room. I was sitting, and i happened to glance around the room, and noticed that the five other people in the room were either black or brown, whatever right. Then one of the black guys turned around and he was actually white, but because of his clothes, and the shadows, and because i am very very tired, he appeared to be an African American of some sort, but in truth he was just a crazy honky hanging out with a bunch of African Americans. Also then i noticed a seventh person rise from the couch, which was facing away from me. So, i thought there were five black people, and one little ol' whitey me, when actually there was another white guy who appeard black, and also, it appeared there were only six people in the room, when in actual fact there were seven, thus leading me to conclude and state that indeed...things are not always what they seem.

TI TI UH OH

2006-11-01T20:42:00.000-07:00

Ooooh, look at me, blogging from work, aren’t I the rebel? Ok, well, I am a little bit, but due to no original or worthwhile thoughts passing through my head at this stage of the day, don’t expect much. Basically, I’m blogging so I can say I blogged from CP once, don’t tell my bosses though, they just gave me a raise. None of which I will be sharing with any bums in Calgary by the way. I may be justifiying my lack of concern for these people, but to me, when Jesus says help the needy, he means, widows, single mothers, families whose dad has had brain surgery and can’t work, ok, that was cheap, but it’s true, my parents church has helped them so much since this whole madness has taken my dad’s ability to work. Those are the needy that need to be helped, also, people in Africa (in case you were wondering who was typing this, it’s still me, I just read a book on Bono….great book by the way, intimate conversations with the man, rather then a “biography” based on hearsay and no actual conversation with the person, I hate those, I bought one on Bob Dylan, worst mistake of my life!

Anyway, life is going good. Getting ready for the big candidation weekend, not this weekend but next. Had a meeting with a friend today, to help me prepare, feeling better about the whole situation. Though, I will be most relieved when this whole process is over. It has given me no end in an amount of stress. Not that that is a sign the job isn’t for me, it’s just being overwhelmed with responsibility from all angles. Work, School, Home, Small Group, CANDIDATING. And Candidating is the one I care most about besides Home, though, School gets me to Candidating, and Work, gives me money to live, so I care about them too.

I’m also missing lots of friends. Yearning for the days, when I could skip school with my best friends, and play video games, eat junk food and listen to music, and watch scrubs. Those days are over, and my peeps are spread out all over the country-side and it is killing me now, cause I need their encouragement with this whole thing, and not by any fault of their own, they aren’t around. So in essence, I’m feeling like a lonely old fart. Speaking of Farts……wait till I get home and lie down on my bed. You know what I’m talking about….don’t you Troy!?

I think this is getting a little long, considering I am getting paid whilst doing this. Today, I bought the new John Mayer and Willie Nelson records. Cara if you are just finding out now that I bought both, I’m sorry, but think of the clothes….think of the clothes….Haven’t finished Mayers, but it seems darker then his previous stuff, with a focus on politics, and a depression and helplessness at the state of affairs of this world. Willie’s album is a Ryan Adams and the Cardinals album with Willie Nelson singing, so you know it has to be good. Is it a coincidence that Ryan Adams produces the record and the Cardinals are Willie’s band on the Album, I think not! It’s good. Willie’s cover of Fleetwood Mac’s “Songbird” is quite nice considering it is a classic song that could never have a cover be as good as the original (props to Christine McVie), but it’s still good. Much better then his Leonard Cohen cover of “Hallelujah”. Also Willie closes the album with his rendition of Amazing Grace, it’s not as somber, or perhaps even just not as emotional as a church or group of people singing it, or whatever, but still a cool take, especially with the minute long guitar/Hammond organ solo in it, who would’ve thunk it eh?

Oh well, I gotta peace out. So Peace Out.

ps. Also, Tim and I had an awesome Saturday Night/Sunday Morning last weekend, i want to remember it forever, just like that weekend we watched Brokeback Mountain, except this time Troy was there, and Cara. It was a beautiful thing, and no, we did not get freaky when we watched Brokeback, so stop wondering.

Thank God, I'm not the spawn of Tom Cruise

2006-10-21T09:18:00.000-06:00

Now, I know some people might find this wrong, but i thought it was very very very funny. Cara and I laughed. I laughed harder. But for further proof that, Tom Cruises baby is not a real person, (ala: Jeremiah Z) so to look at the CSI like evidence, go here

have a nice day, and if you think i am a bad person, you can tell me.

Scattered and Depressed, read at own peril

2006-10-19T00:04:00.000-06:00

So, I was just lying in bed for 15-20 minutes, and i couldn't sleep. Prior to that, I was watching season four of Gilmore Girls, and in the episode i watched, Gran died. Gran wasn't a nice person, but the portrayel of grief, and preperation for the funeral, and wake and so on, reminded me. It reminded me of something that happened a little over a year ago in my life. My uncle Derrick died. Hard to believe it's already been over a year now. I have been feeling pretty emotional since last saturday which was the anniversary, and since watching this episode of Gilmore Girls, my mind is swirling back to that time. I remember being back in Nova Scotia, listening to Ryan Adams and the Cardinals, feeling emotions i had never felt before, and now, i'm feeling them again. I didn't think i would feel this way, but here i am typing away at midnight, wearing his wedding ring, thinking about my family and how they are dealing with this, and wishing i could be with them. I'm really thinking about my grandparents too, who are going to Nova Scotia for Christmas this year. It scares me, because i know they are going to be so sad, away from us, and immersing themselves in the loss of thier son. I just want to be with my family, i guess this is partially homesickness, but it's more like, i know everyone is feeling down, heck, i'm even down, and it feels to me like it would be easier if we were all together and acknowledging our pain instead of burying it, denying it, or whatever. I don't know. This is really scattered i know, and you probably don't want to be reading such a personal thing, but i felt like maybe writing out my feelings would help it get off my mind and help me sleep, but i think the ache is growing. All i can think about is something my grandma made for me and something she said to me when she gave it to me, she made Cara and I a tree skirt for Christmas, and she wanted me to open it when i got it, so i did, and she said it was something for us to remember her by, and that just broke me, it's hard enough to be away at this time, without something like that. Then i think about Uncle Derrick, and i think about, the funeral, and the viewings, and the time together, and the feelings, and the drive, and taking care of my mom, and fighting with my sister, i remember everything, it's so surreal. How many years is it going to be like this? Am I going to be sad every year at this time for the rest of my life? And if this is how i feel when my uncle dies, how will i feel when my parents go, or my grandparents, or my sister, or my wife? There's just too much in my head, i wish i could shut it out, or shut it off so i could go to sleep. I'll turn it back on when i get up so i can distract myself with work and other such mediums of pointless distraction. I have been feeling on the edge of an emotional breakdown for a week or so now, i hope it ends soon. By the way, after writing this out, i don't know how much better i feel (especially since i'm listening to Jacksonville City Nights by Ryan Adams and the Cardinals, which was the theme album for me in Nova Scotia) Oh well, sometimes you just need to dwell in your pain, and i don't allow myself that option very much anymore.

This is your life

2006-10-16T17:49:00.000-06:00

Today (actually a few days ago), I was thinking about failure. I was thinking about how some of the most celebrated characters in film and literature history have been failures. Even non-fictional characters. But unlike most real people, fictional characters find some incredible redemption for thier failures. We are captivated (no props to the Eldreges) by the human struggle, the failure, and the redemption. We see ourselves in these characters and we believe, maybe we can atone for our sins, our failures, our mistakes. We see the imperfections, the struggles, and the failures in these we call heroes, in these we see as perfect, and we can identify, and we wish we could also have the ultimate redemption. After the major screw up with the girl we love, we wish we could chase after her and win her back. We wish we could avenge people who were wronged and we feel somehow responsible for it. We wish we could somehow mortify ourselves to pay for the damage and hurt we cause. But this isn't the movies, this is real life, the hurts we cause with thoughtless words and actions cut deep and wound in ways that singing, "I want to grow old with you" won't immeadiatly fix. Don't get me wrong. I believe in the beautiful and amazing redemption via Christ, but we still pay the consequences of our failures and sins, which most films don't portray. I think this is why i love films like American History X, The Godfather, The Life Aquatic, and American Beauty. They give the hope of redemption and change, but they don't gloss over the high and painful cost involved with redemption. The exciting and wonderful truth of reality in Christ is the God redeems us, pays the eternal price/consequence for our sin and failure. Even more amazing is that he can and does choose to use failures and people who have sinned to be further instruments of his redemptive mission of love and healing. He could've paid for my sin, and left me sitting on the sidelines for the rest of my life as a punishment for defiling myself with sin and being unuseable in his plans because of my past. But he doesn't, and that is amazing to me. He would be justified in further punishing me, at least it seems justifiable to me, but he doesn't, he loves me deeper and uses my brokenness as a witness to his own love, mercy, and forgiveness. This truth, that God uses messed up people for his glory and purposes was one of the starting points in my life to hearing God tell me about church ministry. When I first thought about it, I was so excited, the thoughts resonated with my very being, but i thought, "God can't use me after everything I've done or been through" and that depressed me. Imagine the joy in finding out that despite my failures, despite the damage I'd done to myself and others, God could still, and still wanted to use me as a vessel of his redemption on earth. What grace, what a priviledge. The story of redepmtion unfolding in my life and yours.

Wedding Pictures

2006-10-02T23:16:00.000-06:00

Better late then never as we like to say here in Vietnam.

Ps. Isn't that the bext picture of Matt Kinniburgh that you have ever seen?

Pps. I bet those of you who weren't there (and were invited) are really now wishing you were

Love Mike

A Confession of Sorts

2006-09-29T22:44:00.000-06:00

(a note to the reader...this blog is not actually about Dashborad Confessional, don't worry. But these are thoughts that come from my mind on the subject of confession, that were stimulated by the reading of Larry Crabb's book Connecting which i highly recommend by the way...anyway, i had some time at work to do some more reading and this is the product of that reading and thinking...beware, there are way more questions then answers)

"...is confession (Roman Catholic Confession) possible in today's churches? Do we run legal risks, reporting abuse, crime and what not? Is there a way to update the old system yet ressurect the art of confession. Not to mention the emphasis we put on a man being alone with a woman being a dangerous situation for pastors and married folk alike, we would have to do something about that issue, like having a second, silent observer/listener to maintain the safety of reputations and scandals that would for sure take place. Also this could not be about coming to confess problems (my husband doesn't understand me, i have self esteem issues cause Jon Morrison took my lunch in grade school, psycho babble) but to confess sin and find forgiveness and repentance with another believer. Note, the forgiveness and repentance does not come from the other believer, it's finding these things with another believer. It would fall to Pastors and Elders to hear confession. Would people buy into this concept again or react harshly against the R.C. connotations? There is also too much judgement and fear of judgement for this to work. Gossip. Which is what we need to purge from our churches. To see someone coming from or going to confession, or being seen...oooh, I wonder what they were confessing? Or I've been seen, guilt and fear. Our modern confessionals take shape in accountability groups. Do women even have these and how often do they actually work for men? Maybe we need to teach people how to confess again in churches. How can leaders/pastors model this for the flock? Being held in higher levels of scrutiny, If I confess some of the things that actuallyexist in my mind and heart I couldn't or wouldn't be allowed to be a pastor. Can we show our congregations how to confess without giving an all access pass to our deep dark sis? Not because we want to dife our stuff and being a pastor allows us to do that, but because there seems to be a need to have that seperation between pastor and congregation, leaders and those we lead. If they knew us deeply, could they follow? Would we be better leaders if we could confess everything, less successful in the worlds eyes, but better none the less? Would the fear of having to publicly confess be seen as a holy productive fear or a selfish fear? We need confession for sure, but how do we do it? How as leaders, leading people and how as sinners needing to confess? Crabb seems to advocate confession or at least suffering and healing to come from a few deep, connected relationships rather then from large groups. How can we as leaders facilitate that? Deep relationships for all to fall back on, and by fall back on, i mean relationships where this confession and repentance and healing can all take place. Small groups I think in principle, but rarely or not often enough in practical situations..."

even as i typed this from my notes, i thought more and more about the organic church, and how these tiny churches built out of relationships can be so effective. In regular church, people are in small groups, cause it's what you do if you go to church, not because they want to form and develop deep friendships that flow from Christ's love for us, and then extend to each other as believers and then further out into the community. Thats what we pastor type people would like to see as small groups, but too often small groups just ease our concious which tells us we don't go to church enough or perhaps we can improve our knowledge or show off our knowledge or whatever. Small groups need to be about relationships and Christ and then we might get somewhere with them. This last paragraph may have had some serious generalizations and cynical but misguided statements. Don't judge me too harshly, it's past eleven at night, and i am fried, and i am writing on emotion know, and we all know that can get dangerous. Besides, the Gilmore Girls are waiting for me. Season Three episode nine baby! Woo-Hoo

Peace and Love to you all.

Word of the day: milieu

2006-09-18T17:58:00.000-06:00

Since returning to this academic milieu, i have noticed two things. I like school better then my current finance raising position. and two, school till nine fifteen pm, is better the school at eight fifteen am.

In the meantime though, besides my academic pursuits, the possibility of this place pictured becoming my new home for financial pursuits has been moving to the forefront. Since my friend and former Mentor Kyle, resigned his position of Youth Pastor, i have been wondering, if i the job would come to me. Well it hasn't yet, but it might. Parkview Alliance Church in Vermilion has asked me to come and candidate for the position of Associate Pastor (mostly youth...right, thats what they all say!). But anyway, Cara and I have agreed. What this means is: I am the only person on the list for the job, so it's mine to lose. Well, in a way. You see, both sides of this process will be seeking Gods leading very seriously, and also, we will be looking at personality mixes and so on and so forth, practical things to decide whether or not this will be a good fit for both me and my family (aka Cara) as well as the church. The actual process of candidation will take place over a weekend in November, where among other things i will have to preach again, which is exciting because i like preaching, but also a little freaky cause i don't know what to preach on, but i have some time to figure it out. Well, it would appear that i have some time, but really my life is so busy right now, it's quite annoying. Adding in Homework may have been a bad decision but a neccesary one since i am hoping to graduate at some point (aka: April 2007, but i will be done classes forever in Dec. 06. Woo Hoo). So if the Vermilion thing goes through then i will be starting in January, which is a particularly cold month, so i don't look forward to moving during that time, but what has to be done has to be done right? Hopefully we can get a moving company, that would be preferable, cause then all we have to do is box everything up and meet the movers at the house, which would be something else to consider, where will we live? Possibly at her parents other house, or maybe not, or maybe at her parents house for a short time, and then take the house that her brother and sister are living in now, but think they will be out of by July. Who Knows. Way to much on my mind for something that hasn't even happened yet, but these are the things i think about and usually supress, so everyone thinks i'm not thinking ahead too much and acting mental. Well, now the secrets out. Speaking of which, i have some personal business to attend to before i make it to my second class, so you will have to excuse me. Wait before I go, Cara and I are going to a Canucks game tomorrow night. Yes, it is pre-season, and yes, i won't get to see Luongo, Naslund, The Sedins, Linden, Ohlund, or even the very expensive Ryan Kesler, but i will get to see Luc Bourdon, our star defenseman prospect. I'm not too worried about seeing all the vets in action, there will be time for that before i leave Calgary again (which by the way, i am looking forward to) i am just happy to see an NHL game of hockey, because i love hockey, and when it's not being played i am like a starving little mexican person lost in the desert with no water, no life giving substance, trying to make it to September all the way from June without the thing which he loves almost the most. Anyway, Hockey's back and so my disposition will be cheerier in real life, unless the Canucks suck hard, then i will be sad, but i will love them anyway, speaking of which, maybe i should blog my predictions. You guys would be interested in that right!? haha

love
The Shaolin.

Song of the day: The Man - Pete Yorn. From his latest album, features vocals from the Dixie Chicks, nice touch Pete. Check it out, for old times sake.

Back to School

2006-09-11T18:09:00.000-06:00

So, i haven't blogged in a while. I hate opening my blogs like that. Late nights, and early mornings prevent me from spending too much time on the old internetski, so my blogging has suffered. Enough of that.

Today is and was my first day of classes. Also my only day of classes every week. I do slightly enjoy being back, but in a way that helps me press on towards the goal of completeing my schooling. The only class i have had so far today was pastoral councelling, and i can tell already, that it is going to be a challenging course. Challenging in that it will cause me to really do some soul searching and then take that honest soul searching (and psycho anyalizing) and put it down on paper for my prof and in some instances, my classmates to see. Tough, since i am realizing how guarded i may actually be even to myself. I guess you could say that todays role playing in class, and just talking about the role of cousellors has freaked me out, but also it has made me realize how ineffective i am, and how significant this type of a ministry is, and thus how much i need to rely on God for anything worthwhile to come out of this type of a ministry or opportunity. (i need to rely on God completely i decided). Other people's lives and psyche's (rhymes with Nike's) are in our hands and i feel not only unworthy, but scared to death to make a wrong move. Thank God for his Spirit, which leads us and guides us and works through us.

My second class is Psychology of the Family, and i am not expecting much from it, but i guess we shall see. I also have to stay until 9:15pm, which i find gay, but also, i'm thankfult that my classes are just one day a week so i can continue to work and help pay the bills. Speaking of bill paying people behind me are talking and i can't concentrate. It's kind of weird, cause ususally i can block it out, but apperantly not today. So i need to bring this blog to an end, because i'm losing focus. Hope you are all well, and are reassured that i am not dead.

ps. it's september 11....how does that make you feel?

A Quote from Jack

2006-08-26T09:08:00.000-06:00

(speaking to Rick, who is not actually his son)

"..Son, part of getting a second chance is taking responsibility for the mess you made in the first place!"

- Jack Bauer

"24" season one - episode 13

There's this song by Radiohead...

2006-08-23T23:41:00.000-06:00

Like I was saying, there is this song by Radiohead, on the album "OK Computer" called (stratigically enough) "Fitter Happier". And you know those old Mac computers we used in early elementary school that could read back to you what you were typing in a sweet computer voice, and you would type bad words and it would read them and you and your friends would laugh? Well Radiohead employed a similar if not identical voice in this "stream of conciousness rambling lyrical beautificant masterpiece". I was trying to find something that would allow you to copy the following text of mine into such a device in order to get a real feel for what i am trying to do. Basically, like that Radiohead song, i am going to give you a stream of concioussness report of what i have done since i last even thought about blogging. If anyone finds such a program please let me know. That would be grand, if we don't find such a program, use your god given imaginations which has practically collapsed under years of television, video game and media programming which unconciously teach us not to think for ourselves, and imagine how it would sound being read by such a program.

Car Ride, Set Up Arena, Consoling Wife, doing what i am told, stress levels rising, rehearse the real event, wedding, food, dancing to lame DJ music choices, sleep bad, money and presents, watch others clean and pretend to help, do what i am told, last minute errands, car ride again, more stress, unload car, sleep good, spend other peoples money, satisfy matierialistic cravings, eat, clean, laundry three times a day, eat, blog sleep, wake up go to work.

sounds like a good time doesn't it. Well it was and you should've been there, unless you weren't invited, we had a big enough crowd as it was.

ps. also it would seem i erased Kyle Keller from my blog links, i didn't mean to, and the situation will be recitifed shortly......wrecked em'? damn near killed em!

My life at work today

2006-08-10T20:27:00.000-06:00

ALL work and no play makes jack a dull boy
all work and no play makes jack a dull boy
all work a dn now play makes jack a dull boy
all work and no play makeks jack a dull boy
aoowwo work abnd now play makes jacka dull boy
all work and no play amakes jack a dull boy all work and no play make jack a dull boy
all work and No play makes Jack a dull byo
all work and no play makes jack a dull boy
all work and no play makes jack a dull boy
all work and no play makes fhoak jack a dull boy

HAIL CAESAR!! (and the makers of the left behind series of books)

2006-08-03T21:19:00.000-06:00

Ok, so by the title, you know three things about me. 1. I'm drinking a Caesar. 2. I'm reading and enjoying the left behind series. and 3. i have nothing further to say regarding yesterdays emotional blog at this time.

So, something you may not know about me, is i have always been facinated by origins. Family origins, history, family trees, little known facts and that sort of thing. Today, i stumbled upon a book that was about the origins of names. I have always also found that interesting. I remember this one Archie Comic, it had a story where Betty (the blonde) was reading a similar book, and she was telling her friends thier name meanings and origins, and they all seemed to fit thier names and the meanings and stuff. Not a great story over all, kind of an anti-climactic ending, and if any of you can actually tell me how it ends you will recieve an amazing prize. Anyway, in keeping with the spirit of Archie comics (and i do love Archie comics), i have decided to put some names out there for you to look at and compare with any people in your life who share the names which i will now put forth with thier origin of culture and meaning. Enjoy.

Micheal - Hebrew - Who is like God?
Cara - Latin - Beloved
Jon (or any variation of this name) - Greek - God is gracious
Ashley - Old Enlgish - Of the Ash Tree Meadow
Troy - Gaelic - Foot Soldier
Drake - Latin - Dragon
Kyle - Gaelic - From the Strait
Megan - Welsh - Mighty
Franklin - Old English - Free Holder of Land
David - Hebrew - Beloved
Carlyn - Irish - Champion
Roger - Old German - Famous Warrior
Dorothy - Greek - Gift of God
Jeremiah - Hebrew (suprise suprise!) - God is exalted
Harrison - old english - Son of Strong Man
Grace - Latin - Full of Patience
Matthew - Hebrew - Gift of God
Carmen - Latin - voice like soft music
Timothy - Greek - Honor to God
George - Greek - Land Worker
Paul - Latin - small
Ringo - Japanese - Apple (Chris Martin and Gwynyth Paltrow may as well have named thier daughter Ringo apperantly)
Gabriel - Hebrew - Devoted to God
Coleton - Anglo Saxon - From the Coal town
Andrew - Greek - Courageous
Dylan - Welsh - from the sea
Robert - old english - Bright in Counsel
Nicole - French - Victory of the People
Alexis - English - Defender of Mankind
Jayden - Hebrew - God has heard

Well, i hope you enjoyed our little foray into the origin and meaning of names. If i missed you, send your name to me, and i will find it out for you, though it might take some time, because i may be busy this weekend and not able to blog for a few days due to my whereabouts. Peace out.

Caroo! Caroo!

2006-08-01T23:37:00.000-06:00

So life goes on. I feel weird. I can't fall asleep if it isn't within at least half an hour of midnight, and now that the time has arrived, i feel i still can't sleep, and since i just finished Gilmore Girls Season one, i figured i should blog. Also i felt compelled to listen to Ben Harper so i am also doing that. Good times.

Like i said before, Dad is good, if you want to know more, speak to me directly, or indirectly, whatever you prefer. Familier.

So, i feel like God is talking to me. He's talking to me about love. I've come a long way in my life. Back in the day, i hated freely, held grudges at the drop of a hat and for what seemed like eternities. (not to be confused with the popular shoe brand etnies). Much of this has disipated, yet some remains, and how i yearn to purge myself of all such feelings and actions and thoughts. For instance. I work downtown. I pass a guy with no legs everyday who sits and asks for spare change. I mostly ignore him, sometimes i shake my head no, other times i say no, but i don't say sorry, and i don't make eye contact. Sometimes i see him smoking, or drinking beer, sometimes i see him walking around on his fake legs, but mostly just sitting in his chair asking for spare change. He has a weak voice, not assertive, but as i sit and think now, i may detect a certain level of shame in his voice, but i could be reading into the situation for the sake of the story. Here's the thing, i up until this moment have never pitied the man. I've never cared whether he lives or dies, judge me go ahead, i haven't been a good person, let alone a good christian, but i have within me no sympathy for those i have called scum. "Homeless" people, drug dealers, drug addicts, beggers, bums. I don't know why, part of it is fear, especially of ones who are wild eyed and desperate, who i assume will do anything to get thier next hit, also fear of the ones who just don't care, drug dealers, who will gun you down just for looking at them the wrong way. You could argue that this is the product of media consumption, but tell me these things don't happen every day....Also, my truly racist self, who laughs it off as jokes most of the time, fears indians, africans, and asians. Oh not if they were in my store, regular suburbanites and hard working citizens like myself, but when the street people fall into those three categories my guard is up even more. I'm not proud of this. I am ashamed in fact. As Cara was in the bank and i was in the care, i started thinking about how easy it would be for me to go to a church like vermilion and not have to deal with this hate, this unlove. These problems don't exist in vermilion the way they do in calgary. Substance abuse exists, i know that, but it's mostly hidden they way we like it. The bible talks about bringing our sin into the light, but as soon as i see peoples sin, i don't want to deal with it. You may feel the same way about me as i expose myself, and become the once vulnerable Mike you used to know. As you know me deeper, it may cause you to be disgusted and i can accept that, because i am disgusted with myself and my witness. I think this is leftover thoughts from reading "Organic Church". People's shit (crappy life circumstances, choices etc) is the best soil for the gospel. It's so true. Dowtown Calgary is ripe for God's kingdom to spread and to see amazing changes, but i don't love these people. And i realized they, just like me, are people, humans, created and loved by God equally. You see, i've created a system in my mind that wasn't really realized or verbalized until this afternoon. All choices bring conseqeuenses, and i assume that many of the people i see have made poor choices, and they are dealing with the consequences. I have also made poor choices, and suffered for them, but i would think i could say i have made many more good choices, or at least the right good choices that have brought me to a good standing in life, in the grand scheme of things. To a place higher then the street people because of my choices. Like i deserve some sort of medal. Like i deserve to look down on them, and feel no sorrow for them, because i was smart enough to do the right thing once in a while. I feel no pity because i assume they could and should have at one point had the same opportunities i had and chose not to. I knew people like that in high school, people that are destined to live a life of crime, or to hardly live a life at all because thier addictions will lead them to a quick death one way or the other. Or perhaps they will still make all the poor choices and my life will be filled with more suffering then thiers. This is the way i was thinking, very pharisee like of me isn't it. To think i have been the righteous one, sneering at all those who i can classify as lesser beings then me. If Jesus were here now, he would be with those people and spitting venemous truth at me as i walked by avoiding ey contact. I wouldn't recognize him as the saviour but as some shmuck being taken in by thier excuses. I am failing. I know these thoughts are wrong and i want to purge myself of them.

But it's not just the thoughts is it? It's getting down and dirty like Jesus did. It's touching the lepers, it;s talking to them with love and compassion, it's not being afraid of death and disease, or what people might think if they see you there. It's action, as extreme would say, it's "more then words".

How do i apply this. Do i give them money and hope they don't spend it on booze or ciggerettes? Do i talk to them? What do I say? Do i have time for this? Am i afraid, yes. I hope i can make a change in my life, rather, i hope the Holy Spirit can help bring about change in my life. I want to change, i want to love, i want to see past the social barriers and constructs that exist even in my mind. Break my heart oh god. Lead me, allow me to hear...trust and obey. I've wrestled with this issue for a long time now, having been exposed to this poverty for three years and living through it with other cynics i would call my colleauges. I need this heart to change, or i don't see myself as fit for serving in God's church. Any thoughts? As i make that last statement/question, i am reminded of a Derek Webb song called "Crooked Deep Down" where he say's this:

"my life looks good i do confess,
you can ask anyone
just don’t ask my real good friends
because they will lie to you
or worse, they’ll tell the truth

because there are things you would not believe
that travel into my mind
i swear i try and capture them
but always set ‘em free
it seems bad things comfort me

(chorus)
good lord i am crooked deep down
everyone is crooked deep down
but good lord i am crooked deep down
everyone is crooked deep down
everyone is crooked deep down"

Everyone is crooked deep down... me too, though maybe not as deep down as others, or as i would have you believe.

Beautiful Collision

2006-08-01T08:48:00.000-06:00

Quick Update,
Got no time to really blog
Dad is doing awesome
thanks for all your prayers
he should be home from the hospital tomorrow
love and gratitude
The Shaolin

look for a new blog in a couple days hopefully.
ps. Troy is coming home! (for 10 hours)

you will be set free

2006-07-20T23:33:00.000-06:00

So anyone else think blogging is losing it's stature and priority in my life? How can you tell? Is it the weeks between blogs? Is it the quick and meaninless nature of the blogs i do write? Is it my chest hair? Who knows! Oh well, life has continued strangley enough. So, i have a confession to make, i have watched every episode of "Canada's next Top Model" and now it is over. I'm a little disappointed with the winner, but TV (except in DVD format) has become a perpetual disappointment to me. Something else was perpetuated today, but i can't quite remember what it was, oh yes, i was having an internal monologue about perpetuating racial steretypes. It didn't go very far, basically i just wanted to use the word perpetuating. I am listening to Derek Webb again, i haven't in a while, i've been focused on Radiohead and Counting Crows, and of course Cash. So i'm getting ready to go back to Vancouver again. This time for real for my dad's surgery. I'm scared. I think everyone's a little scared. Who knows how it will turn out. The hard part is being able to tell God that i want what he wants. Meaning if God sees fit to not have the situation the way i want it, then i need to want that. Like i said in a recent sermon, it's ok to have desires, but eventually, at the end of the day, we have to be able to put that aside and want what God wants, trusting that what he has for us is best, despite how it may feel or seem at the time. It's a continually humbling experiance and humility is the key to trusting God.
I've taken up drinking Caesers. Not in copius amounts, but what can i say, they are my favorite right now, and they are so spicy. I don't know what i shared that, maybe just because it's 11:39pm, and i've already run out of things to say. I'm finally reading "The Organic Church". It's challenging for sure, but i haven't figured out to do with the challenges, and or how i can fit the challenges and the answers into the context within which i know and love church. Maybe i can't reconsile the two? I don't know yet, i don't have anything concrete for you, i may have to read it twice and really try and pull some deep stuff out of it for you and for me, but it has been challenging to say the least, and exciting actually, part of me would like to be a part of something like that, but part of me realizes how much i have a hard time dealing with street people, and drug dealers, and drug addicts, so basically those people he so readily describes as good soil, i think i work better with people who are shallow soil, but then also i am trying to figure out what kind of soil I am and was? Was i actually good soil that produced fruit, or was it persistant love and care from a gardener or farmer that coaxed me out of bad soil? I haven't figured it out yet, and for those of you who haven't read the book (everyone besides Kyle and Jon Kramer) you have no bloody idea what i am talking about, but luckily i am starting to feel my eyes get heavy so it means i can head to bed now. I want to know what's going to happen with my dad, i really do so i can start preparing for it, but God is telling me to live now, live in the present because it's all we get. I guess i'd better stop looking forward and start focusing on the here and now, which once again means i should sleep.
much love, bring the lebenese canadians home!
ps. I was at Sammy's this last weekend and had the worst service i have ever had the misfortune of having at this fine Vermilion dining establishment in my life. Luckily it wasn't any of my regulars, but beware of the Saturday night staff, they were a disappointment. Although Troy will just think it's par for the course, negative experiances are not the regular occurance of Samuels (Sammy's).

My Hero/Messiah Complex took a hit today

2006-07-08T23:54:00.000-06:00

Ok, well maybe calling it partially a messiah complex is a bit over the top, but in case you didn't know, i definitly have a hero complex. I've fantasized about it. Placeing people i care about in precarious positions, only to have myself save them and be the hero. I have a wild imagination.

So i was at work today (at the peril of all those around me who have yet to contract my horrible bronchial disease), and i was on my break. I like breaks. Anyway, one of my co-workers enters the staff room and makes me aware of a shifty customer she would like me to come check out and keep an eye on. Being the macho macho man that i am i lay down my reading matieral or soda can or whatever and head where the action is. Upon re-entering the store i am led toward a twitchy, half retarded looking young man who is pacing violently as if being persued...and he was, by Christian Publications staff. I struck up a conversation with him twice, attempted to build a relationship that would hopefully keep him from his expected goal which was of couse shoplifting.

He moved around a couple times and i kept an eye, and didn't see him steal anything, but then he went towards our DVD's and he was mostly out of my sight, but luckily my side kick Faith motioned to me that he had grabbed something, so i went to intercept him at the door, not wanting to cause a scene in the store, but as soon as he got to the door (before my fat slow ass) he was gone, i yelled after him, but he took off. The truth is, i hesitated. I didn't know how to proceed, or what was within my rights to do, and because of these things, he was not apprehended. So anyway, i had a chance to fulfill my hero fantasy and i blew it. How lame is that, i felt like a total loser after that. And i will find it difficult to ever make fun of Tim H. again for not grabbing the kid who stole McRitchies X-Box and Tim's backpack.

As Gordon Lightfoot wrote, and Johnny Cash so beautifully and recently conveyed via his post-humous release "American V: A Hundred Highways" on the song "If you could read my mind"

"If I could read your mind love
What a tale your thoughts could tell
Just like a paperback novel
The kind that drugstores sel
lWhen you reach the part where the heartaches come
The hero would be me
But heroes often fail
And you wont read that book again
Because the endings just too hard to take"

Anyway, Johnny's new album is possibly his best in the American series and i mean that with every ounce of musical credibility i have, however large or small. I love you all.

Back in Black?

2006-07-06T10:40:00.000-06:00

Hello Sportsfans. I'm back. I was in Vancouver for six days. While I was there i got married. It was a good time. Still come to the one in august though, most people who would find themselves reading this blog probably were not at the one in Vancouver. We got married in Vancouver to make sure that no matter what happens with my dad's surgery, he would be there to take part in our wedding. Anyway, it was an awesome day. Stop by and look at some pictures sometime if you want.

So last night, I was getting ready to go to sleep and was speaking with my wife about what i should preach about in Vermilion in a week and a half when i have to be there to preach. I was thinking about preaching on the subject of peace, not like war and peace, but more like the peace of God that transecends all understanding. Anyway, i wasn't totally sold on the idea, and then Cara said, "why don't you preach about trusting God?". And a light went off in my head and a bell started going "ding ding ding ding ding ding ding". That was it. This whole having a wife thing is paying off already!

Anyway, so i need to get working on a sermon, also i am very very sick. But before i get to my sermon, i am going to try and call my wife at work and also call my friend Jeff.

We'll talk again another time.

Just a quick note to say hello

2006-06-21T21:51:00.000-06:00

Hello.....

haha, i am sadam funny (so damn). Double funny today. Life rolls along as per usual. Work was especially slow today, embarressingly slow, so embarresing in fact, that as i spoke to a co-worker, i leaned a little too heavily and a display of compact discs and it came crashing down. I felt like a tool.

So if you care about Church, and Ministry you should the last couple of blogs by Jon Kramer, his site is linked on my site, just down on the left, you should be able to find it. Jon made some great observations and made me think and speak, it's pretty easy to get me to think, but to speak, that is a whole differant story.

So, I am listening to the proto-type for the latest mix cd i'm making. I named it the Purgatorial mix. You see, Purgatory is a place (not really) that you go to when judgement finds you neither all that bad or all that great. Anyway, it's this in between state where nothing is wonderful, and nothing is terrible, but you are stuck and there is not much you can do to improve your situation, at least not very quickly. Anyway, that is how i have been describing my life to people. I'm at a place where i can do nothing, but wait for the responces, reactions, and actions of others. I can't do much for my father medically speaking, and it doesn't help for me to worry either cause that only brings me down. I'm working a decent job, though not the job i ultimatly want, thought the job i ultimatly want could be in waiting, but at the time, it's not really up to me. I'm engaged and almost married, but that day can't come fast enough, it's "already but not yet" to quote a fantastic biblical professor and author.

Anyway, some old favorites like Elton John, Ryan Adams, Counting Crows, Matt Good, Elliott Smith, and the Eels. Some newbies like Calexico, Neil Young, Radiohead, Nichole Nyeahordeman, and The Shins. Not that these artists are new to me, but these artists are making Mix CD debuts, or thier second appearance whereas, Matt Good, Elton John, and Ryan Adams have been on more mix cd's then Al Gore, and Al Gore has been on a lot of mix cds.

So mostly, not too much to say obviously. Though I have been making a huge effort to see friends these days as it is becoming more and more clear that my friends and I won't live in the same city forever. So i'm doing everything i can to spend time with those dearest to me, though some have rejected my pleas for companionship (cough....cough...Matt Russell). But i'm not bitter, at least not as Bitter as Alanis Morrisette was on her major label debut "Jagged Little Pill", man that was a little much, but i did like the song, "Head over Feet".

So agreed this is a hodge-podge, an assortment of thoughts and ramblings which will serve no purpose other then releasing some stuff and giving you a look into the tangled cobwebs that is my brains, which incedently have not been splattered against the wall in a horrible robbery attempt, though because i have a hero complex, i have fantasized about foiling a robbery at Christian Publications, which is highly unlikely, but i always look good with two bad guys down and a gun in my hand.

Also, Canada's next top Model and Gilmour Girls are excellent shows. Cara and I watch CNTM every wednesday, and We have season one of Gilmour Girls on DVD, so we are watching that whenever we get a chance. It's all pretty girly, but hey, I can't be all testosterone can I? Unfortunatly, i have a bad feeling like one of the girls on the show that i hate is going to with the model show. I don't like Sisi, Brandi, Andrea, or Tamika. Which leaves me with Alanna, and Alyenia. I have liked Alyenia since day one, but i don't feel like she is going to win. That breaks my little heart. Everyone they have gotten rid of so far is someone that i like. Poopers, thats what i say. ANyway, i think i am going to hit the sack and while so doing partake in a film. So i bid you goodnight, and sweet dreams of Every Rose having it's thorn, and Mesh t-shirts, and Sleemans Honey Brown. mmmmm Sleemans.

Meet Norman the Mormon!

2006-06-18T20:50:00.000-06:00

Norman the Mormon is my car. Well, he's the car Cara and I bought. He's a good car, he's served us well, i and i anticipate more of the same. I have been wanting to show him to you for a while, but the opportunity to photograph and uplink the pics has been unpossible till now, so without further ado, i present to you my Car, a 2002 Pontiac Grand Am, Norman the Mormon. (who is named after the gentleman who sold us the car who was a mormon, I am not a mormon, but apperantly my car is, probably so he can have many wives and live in Utah)

You Wretched Mal-Content

2006-06-16T12:42:00.000-06:00

So, i have come to abhor blogging. The laste few days i have felt like i have been way to busy living my life to write about it. I really haven't even been that busy, but i find myself wanting to spend less and less time writing about stuff on this blog. Partially because my life has been such a big secret lately. Making quiet plans to go to vancouver, hearing quiet whispers of a future job, and here's the thing, nothing is set in stone (nothing is ever set in stone) and so i don't feel like sharing everything thats going on in my life because, what if it goes belly up, and then i've told you all this stuff that was going to happen and then doesn't. Thats how i feel.

I've been doing a lot of thinking about church. Well, i guess it has to do more with youth ministry and how to connect the youth of the church to the larger body in acts of service and community, and growth. My vision with youth ministry is very multi-generational, i hate the compartmentalization of ministry, youth ministry is seperate from childrens, and adult ministries, and seniors are their own thing, i want our churches to break down those walls and have old learning from young, and the young learning from the old, and the parents involved in the lives of thier kids, while teaching them about growing up, responsibility, and when people don't step up to the plate to do these things other people in the church would. I don't know, it sounds so naive and idealistic, especially when you throw in kids who are from outside the church, but i do believe in the transforming power of the Holy Spirit and it's wonderful choice to use the Church as a vessel of this transformation, more and more i want this to happen in community, and see potential for this happening in community, and i wish we could become more like a family of believers then independant life forms who congregate at the same location each sunday. I know family's aren't perfect, and there is conflict in real life, and i think thats impotant, and is also why we have elders and leaders and instruction from scripture on how to be in relationship with one another. To not hold grudges, to work things out amongst yourselves unless a third party becomes neccesary. I don't know, i see so much truth and beauty in the church, but pray for it to be realized in a real and tangible way in my ministry, the ministry that God gives to me.

I've also been doing some thinking about sales. As you know, i work at a retail outlet. Often times i find myslf working in the music department, and people ask me about music, they ask me if i have heard albums, they ask me if i like certain artists or records, and i do my best to be honest with them. Now at the place where i work, there are about 4 or 5 albums that i love. Ben Harper and the Blind Boys of Alabama, U2, David Crowder Band, Derek Webb, and anyway, when people ask me about these albums, i almost always convince them to buy it because i love these records and artists, and because my my knowledge, experiance and passion, people see that and can really take my word for something because of how i present it, both in word, but also in deed as i let them listen to the record. This is the reason i can't sell cd's by Third Day, or Mercyme, or Toby Mac, or Underoath, or whatever dingleberry Christian artist is popular this week. I mean, i can literally sell them, like the monetary transaction for goods (not services), but if someone asks me if i like them, i try to be diplomatic, and chalk it up to differant tastes but i can't get excited about a Third Day concert, or a Mercyme CD, or the fact that Underoath was featured on disgusting prime time show "The O.C.". The best (and worst) salesmen are people who can sell something they don't believe in or know nothing about. Thier conciounce allows them to sell something to people, whether they believe it a worthy product or not. I haven't been able to do that, at least not when i comes to something real, i can sling bull pretty well sometimes, but at the end of the day (and first thing in the morning) I come clean...and so should you. I wish William Wallace was here, he would know what to do.

"Son, you're half a bubble off of plumb"

2006-06-06T09:14:00.000-06:00

Let's dispense with the pleasentries.

I've decided as a whole, i don't enjoy my current occupation. It's not the people, it's not the pay (well that could use improvement), it's not any of the regular things that people don't like thier job for, i don't enjoy my current occupation because it's so monotonous. I said to someone yesterday, that i may as well be working on an assembly line in a factory for all of the variety that i get at Christian Publications. Also, because of the monotonous nature of my occupation i find ver little intellectual, and or cultural, and or social stimulation, and this, my days go as such. Wake up, clean, go to work, come home, hang out with Cara for a couple of hours (generally doing wedding stuff, or adult stuff like paying bills, buying groceries etc), go to bed. With the little leisure time i have, i try to read (right now i'm reading "the problem of pain" by C. S. Lewis) or sometimes i play video games, last night i actually forced myself to watch a movie. Overall, i am not enjoying my current occupation, but i will stay there, at least through the summer, and come Fall, we'll see where we stand. Ps. Don't tell my boss how unsatisfied i am, if they knew they might just let me go, and i don't really need that to happen at this point.

Today, though is a day off, and i plan to spend it thus, lunch with the associate professor of theology at Canadian Bible College, followed by the viewing of the film "X-Men 3" with my good friend and fellow blogger Troy Dunham. Thats right, we're going to take in a matinee, and yes i have been told to wait until after the credits for some secret thing after X-Men is over.

So, i never actually told you. Cara and I bought a car. A 2002 Pontiac Grand Am. It's pretty sweet, we bought it like three weeks ago, but before the long weekend, and then on the long weekend, Cara and I drove to Vancouver, and suprised the majority of my family with a short but sweet visit.

Then most recently, Cara and I went back to Vermilion for Cara's college grad, and also some pre-marital councelling, and that kind of jazz. We saw family, friends, and generally had a remarkably awesome weekend.

Now, we're back in Calgary, back at work, and maybe if you are lucky, i'll be back at blogging, but the truth is, because of the monotony of my life, particularly my occupation, i find i never have anything worthwhile to say to you. Not like the Kramers who are fixing up a house, or Troy, who is also experiance quite a bit of life change, or Kyle, prior to his oridination process. I have no time for me and my thoughts to process, which means more then likely that strange dreams are going to start up again.

For instance, i dreamt last night that I was in a grand theft auto type scenario, and what was coming at me but a trolly train, and i thought to myself, how cool is that to steal, so i jumped in, threw the conductor off the side, and who do i run into but my old roomate Kier, who was going to offer me some lessons on driving these things, but i decline his offer, so we are driving pretty wildly and dangerously, and then there is a vertical drop at the end of one of the lines, so i steer it in that direction and Kier and I jump off, only to go to Red Robin's to eat food, and by this time, some girl i didn't recognize was with us. Then I started playing with a replica toy train of the one i just crashed, except it could only go in circles, despite the large surrounding track.

Anyway, that's about all i got for today, if you think of a way to inspire me, send it my way, although, the Bob Dylan I'm listening to right now is soothing my soul and giving my soul, heart, mind, earth, wind, and fire some inspiration. So go home and listen to your Bob Dylan records, it will do you a world of good, particularly the album, Nashville Skyline.

ps, i'll post some pictures of my car as soon as i get a chance to take a picture or two. The cars name is "Norman the Mormon"

I hate doctors

2006-05-25T12:19:00.000-06:00

Since my pediatrician Dr. Hay retired, i have never felt comfortable or happy with the service i have recived from subsequent physicians. When i transfered over to my parents doctor, my frustrations grew ever so much more, as whenever i needed to see a doctor she was on vacationing or had left early for the day, or when i would make an appointment to see her at one of the rare occasions she was supposed to be in her office, the appointment would be for 1pm, i wouldn't get in to see her until 3pm. Needless to say she has made enough blunders with me and my family over the years that i have built up heavy amounts of animosity towards her and her practise.

As you may or may not know, my father was recently diagnosed with a brain tumor, originally two actually, but upon closer inspection, the neurologist that my dad has seen told him, one of the tumors was not actually there, and that it was not cancerous. Upon seeing our family physician, who i don't like, today, she read the report and informed my father that there were indeed two tumors and yes they were cancerous. My contempt for doctors has risen so much at this moment that i am actually shaking. I have never been so angry in my life for the huge misleading that this neurologist has done to my family. We were celebrating the dissipation of one tumor and them not being cancerous as a miracle from God and maybe getting our hopes up that this trend would continue with my father having succesful surgery to remove the one and only tumor, but now i'm not so sure, hell i'm not doctor, (thank god, then i would really hate myself) i can't make a real diagnosis, but conisdering the information we've recieved thus far from what some people would call a real doctor, i'm sure i could do just as well.

I am allowing myself to be this angry, because it is a good way to cover up how scared and upset i am, and it helps me feel something other then depressed and scared. It helps me focus on something other then the obvious. Hows that for instant introspection, and laying my personal feelings and crap on the line for everyone to see, i hope it doesn't seem pretentious. Not even Scrubs can help me now.

Starcrap

2006-05-24T10:21:00.000-06:00

Sorry I haven't blogged, i've discovered there are good and bad weeks for blogging, and the last week has been a bad one for blogging. My life has been out of control, and i have many things to share, but that will have to wait until i can organize the proper documentation.
In the meantime (props to spacehog) i will share with you another blog written whilst at work, this one is a review, similar to what Kyle Keller used to do, this one is of an album, what was supposed to be the biggest release in Christian Music for the year, but so far sales are lame, at least in our store. Anyway, here it is, my professional opinion of Starfield's third record, some might say second, but i know it is thier third "Beauty in the Broken". (this review was written on may 13th, the actual release date of the album.

I have decided to rename the band Starfield as Starsuck. Wow, could i reveal to you my thoughts on this record quicker or what? This record sounds the way the cover looks.....airbrushed. What do I mean by that, well, first there are no standout songs. On thier original Winnepeg release, Tumbling after, there were no less then four songs that changed my life and my opinion on christian music. For thier second record ( a rerelease of thier original record with a couple new songs and a new producer) they moved to Nashville, the hub of christian music. This latest release is thier first full album without the help and influence of thier Winnepeg roots and it shows. Starfield went to Nashville, and got contemporized and airbrushed. They no longer sound any differant then every other Christian Contemporary band. It's like they believed thier own hype that they were the next big thing, and then put forth a very mediocre record and tried to cover it up, thus the airbrushed description. I really do regret having to say these things about Starfield because the turth is, their original record really was something special. But in the end, this album was airbrushed, they took some crap, airbrushed it to look better, but as we say in france "the shit shines through". (Sorry for the profanity, but it just didn't sound right to say poop shines through)

If you enjoy this record, feel free to disagree with me. I just feel Starfield was once orignal and powerful musically, and now have allowed themselves to be overproduced, packaged, and photoshopped and it doesn't work well with thier music and credibility, and apperantly, it doesn't work well with thier sales, at least in Calgary.

Peace for now, big news coming for some, for others it's old news. But stay tuned.

A Christian Publications Publication

2006-05-12T23:50:00.000-06:00

This will be my first blog from work...and when i say from work, i mean written on the back of a March best sellers music poster during my long and nearly pointless hifts in the music department and then typed up when i get home or tomorrow, but probably tonight. Currently, I am serving a 1-2pm shift and surveying audibly the latest offering from a band called "The Elms". It's alright, I probably would've liked it a bit more when i was in grade 11. The trick of this will be hiding my "so called blog" during the times when i am not working bakc here. Considering 5 of my 8.5 hours will be spent back here, I am confident that no one will find my little treasure.

Yesteday when i worked back here, I spent about 45 minutes reading a small book by Ravi Zacharias called "The Lamb and the Furor". It is what it sounds like, a conversation between Hitler and Jesus. It was very interesting, I might buy it some day, it's only $9.99 after all. One time Ravi came and spoke to my school in Regina for something like Spiritual Emphasis Days. I remember thinking he was pretty good, but i definitly didn't go to all of the chapels he spoke at. I regret that now, but not as much as i regret missing Brian McLaren, who apperantly spoke at my school as well, but i didn't hear about it until a year after so, i doubt the validity of such accounts. Anyway, I'm going to petition the school to bring him in again next year, so i can see a Brian McLaren lecture/sermon before I die. Not that I think I am going to die anytime soon, but you can't take chances with crap like that.

Things to Do Before I die:
1. See u2 live in concert
2. Listen to Brian McLaren live (possibly dialogue after....over nachos and Nintendo perhaps?)
3. Read "Paradise Lost"
4. Travel Great Britain, France, Germany, and Italy
5. Read "Life Together"

I'll let you know how that goes. And if any of you feel so inclined as to help me accomplish these goals, by all means do so.

That "Elms" cd ended and now the greatest hits cd for Further Seems Forever has come on. That Elms Cd was pretty decent, I still don't think i would buy it though. I think I am gonna take a blog break, my shift is almost over, and my hand is starting to cramp so, I'll see you guys again at 4pm. Thats 2.15 hours from now

Guess Who's back? Back Again. Schalins Back. Tell a Friend. Sorry about that Eminem referance, especially since i am now listening to the skillfull tunage of Derek Webb. I'm only back for half an hour before I go for my lunch break, and when i say lunch, i mean supper. Not much has happened sine I left you, I worked at the till, I worked the floor, I spoke to co-workers and customers, and now I'm back. I just realized that when I'm at work here, I think a lot (almost exclusivly) about the very think I am trying to sell, books, music, cute Christian plaques etc. It's good for work, but not for blogging. I'm sure you are all bored to tears hearing about what i am reading and listening to these days, but to be honest that is taking up a great deal of my life right now, which for me (who likes books and music) isn't a bad thing. I guess another think I could talk about is getting a new Car. In case you didn't know, Cara sold her car, leaving us with my big ol tank. Unfortunatly my car is not as reliable as it once was, so we recently became infatuated with an automobile known as an Impala. We're just trying to figure out if we can afford it, or even if we can offord not to. We'll keep you posted on that one. Hand is cramping again. I'll rest until 6, when i come back for the remainder of the night. Hopefully something amazing will happen between now and then, otherwise you may be pooched.

Derek and I are back. Nothing amazing happened. I had supper, 2 sandwhiches and some BBQ chips. While eating, I engaged in discussion with a co-worker and former classmate. This discussion ended up on the school and, some of the ridiculous thinkgs that have gone on there during our years. My blood pressure got high, I was all riled up, I wanted to join the grad committee and make sure some of the ridiculous things that happened at grad this year would not be repeated. Then i realized that would go against my "no participation" decree for school next year. I guess, I'm still bitter about the whole president thing. Instead of trying to save the school from going to Hell in a handbasket, I thought i would save myself the aggrivation and just go to my classes and ignore everything else. Maybe it's a selfish attitude, but it's how i feel, trying to serve and lead has left me feeling old, useless and un-wanted. Well, i should say, thats how the school has made me feel. Will this change? Will I go to floor meetins? mentor a younger student? be mentored? Go to soccer matches? Probably, but thats cause when you truly love something or someone, you can't stay mad at it forever. And when you see it hurting itself and being stupid, it hurts you more because you feel helpless to change things, and you get the sense that the one you love don't want your help anyway.

That must be how God feels.

"I do confess...i put you on just like a wedding dress..."

2006-05-11T22:23:00.000-06:00

Suprised no one guessed which book i read. It was "The Di Vinci Code", scandelous i know! Overall, i didn't think the writing was spectacular, and i guessed a couple of the main plot twists long before they happened, but i haven't decided if that was because of the poor writing or my genius, so we shall see i guess.

Speaking of books i have read, here is a passage from another one i read. It's called "I talk back to the Devil". Great title to begin with, second of all, the cover of my version is spectacular, i wish i could find a picture of it, but alas, the internet has failed me again. So without further ado, here is some thoughts from A.W. Tozer.

"In answer to this, I happen to know that young people can be just as responsible before God as older people. The youth who meets Jesus and is converted is just as ready and responsible for inconvienance and cost to himself as is the man of seventy. Jesus Christ never offered amusement or entertainment for His disciples, but in our day we have to offer both if we are going to get the people - because they are common Christians." - pg. 52.

Tozer was talking about Christians who never go beyond skin deep in thier faith and in thier relationship with God. He pointed out a few reasons why, and one of them was the distraction of fun. We want to know if Christianity is going to be fun, because if it's not, we don't want to waste our time. Regardless, he makes a great point that struck home with me in regards to Youth Ministry. I wondered out loud if by focusing on the big wham bam events, the glitz and glamour of youth ministry, have we lost focus on what it is to actually make strong disciples of Christ. Have we settled for a regular attender, rather then a young person who is genuinely seeking God and the deepeing of a relationship with him? Have we sacrificed Good biblical teaching and learning for, funny stories? Have we dumbed down youth ministry so that is better for the crowd? And are we making weak or "Common Christians" because of it? Think about what happens when teens leave youth group...the majority of them fall out of the faith community, there's nowhere for them to fit in and grow, and continue what we think they started in youth group. I was thinking what it would be like to do a youth ministry as somthing small that focused on learning your faith, sharing it with other people, and practising spiritual disciplines, and working our way into the larger church community rather then being so compartmentalized. I wonder if this could work, but then again, work is such a subjective term right. For some people, work in this context means to have 300 kids coming out to a youth event, and not caring what they got out of it, or how it affected them. Other look to number of baptisms and conversions, and still others look at the stuff thats harder to see, life change and relationships with Christ growing and blossoming.

Basically, Tozer has caused me to question, what i truly believe about youth ministry, and what my heart is in that type of a program. I've started to think that we have served the God of width not depth of ministry, and i don't reconsile well with that.

As far as liars go, I am one. I have been struggling with this for a while, the facade of the work disposition. Standard greeting when people arrive, "Good Morning, how are you? Fine thanks, how are you? Good thanks!" This is how it goes, and what bothers me, is that i am not always feeling good. Poignently expressed in my shift last saturday, Friday night, i found out my dad had two tumors in his brain. Needless to say, i was quite, and still am quite shaken up. That next day at work was the worst shift i ever had, but i couldn't just screw off, i needed to work, and serve the customers, and i needed to be pleasent in doing it. Not that CP forces you to put on a happy face, it's just part of working with people. You need to be able to help even when you feel like crap, and thats how it went, but i felt like not asking people how they were, because i knew the question would come in reverse, and i would have to lie in order to avoid and awkward situation that no one, not even i wanted to be a part of.

So thats about it. I also recently read, "The Catcher in the Rye" bizzare book, kinda hope thiers a movie, cause it would be one i like. Now i am starting "The Five Love Languages" by Gary Chapman, who incedently is not Amy Grant's ex-husband, who i heard to day was a drug addict, but i didn't know that, i always just assumed Amy and Vince were dirty homewreckers and Gary was the victim. Oh well.

Song of the day is "Wedding Dress" by my new, and very real friend Derek Webb. Great song, great artist, great ...something.

Peace.

I'll Blog tomorrow

2006-05-10T22:36:00.000-06:00

I tried to blog a few days ago, but the blog was lost due to a technical malfunction which i could not forsee. Anyway, it's been quite the week, but i am exhasuted, i worked till 9:30 tonight, so i really need to go to bed, cause i have to work again at nine tomorrow morning. I just wanted to let you know i was still alive and you were never far from my thoughts. I just need to sleep now. Song of the week has been "Home" by Paul Brandt. Check it out. Talk to you all tomorrow. Topics: Liars, reading books, and A.W. Tozer and I talk youth ministry. In the meantime (props to a little known band called Spacehog) enjoy this photograph amd guess which book i read.

Providence, Rhode Island

2006-05-03T08:34:00.000-06:00

divine
1. a) Having the nature of or being a deity.
b) Of, relating to, emanating from, or being the expression of a deity: sought divine guidance through meditation.
c) Being in the service or worship of a deity; sacred.

providence
1. Care or preparation in advance; foresight.

Now you may be wondering what divinity (no not Di Vinci) and providence has to do with me and Jon Kramer sitting on my old couch, but let me tell you. So, last weekend was grad weekend at my educational institution. Had i been a creature of intelligance and forsight, i would've graduated that weekend with all my friends who i started my education with. But i didn't, and the pain inflicted by this was taking it's toll. As well, it looked as though i would not be able to see and visit with my good friend Jon Kramer and his wife Kim, who i don't have a picture of. I was quite down. Saturday morning i decided to treat myself to a warm and hearty breakfast courtesy of the Denny's franchise of resturaunts. It was a real ordeal to find a parking spot, but then i did, and a real dandy too, right near the door, but not close enough that i would be able to read anything on the door, had thier been any pertinant information on the door, but still close. I left the confines of my vehicle, and walked briskly to the door, only to find that there actually was pertinant information on the door, and the information was: "debit- credit card machine broken, cash only". Now being a man who rarely carries cash, this proposed a problem and a frustration for me as i had by then been dreaming of a "Moons over my Hammy" for hours. So, i got in my car, and tried to decide where to go. Ricky's or Smitty's? I chose Smitty's because it was closer, and i had brought my Brian McLaren book because i was alone. As i walked into Smitty's i was noticed by some of thier patrons as a friend. Sitting at a giant table was not only the Kramer family, but the Blodgets too! What a party! So i went and had breakfast with them, which was always one of Jon and I's favorite thing to do, especially when "Ellen" was on, and in the end, Blodgey's mom ended up paying for me, now if that wasn't divine providence by God to have Denny's not work out for me, then i don't know what is. Also, Adam Ayer took that awful couch that i didn't want anymore. Good for me, and oh well for him.

Quotations

2006-04-28T22:57:00.000-06:00

This is a quote I wrote on my floors white board earlier this evening.

"Death comes from not graduating when you should"
- Mike "2 More Classes" Schalin

These are five other quotes that i like.

"We must never forget that art is not a form of propaganda; it is a form of truth."
John F. Kennedy, October 26, 1963

"There are only two kinds of people in the end: those who say to God, 'Thy will be done,' and those to whom God says, in the end, 'Thy will be done.'
C. S. Lewis

"Do you spend time with your family? Good. Because a man that doesn't spend time with his family, can never be a real man."
Marlon Brando (as Vito Corleone) in The Godfather

My heart, which is so full to overflowing, has often been solaced and refreshed by music when sick and weary.
Martin Luther (1483 - 1546)

You can go a long way with a smile. You can go a lot farther with a smile and a gun.
Al Capone

Anyway, hope you enjoyed those nuggets of truth, shared with us by both real and fictional characters.
If the song of the day section still existed as a regularly scheduled program, todays would consist of the song "Cold and All Alone" by MXPX, who paved the way for Christian bands who are actually good to cross over and gain mainstream support and success. Although, not many other "Christian bands" have been able to do it like MXPX has, which coincides with my point that most Christian Music actually sucks and has no appeal to the larger culture and public body of music listeners. I hope i don't have a shift in the music dept. tomorrow, though if i do, i plan to listen to Derke Webb's album, "Mockingbird" which was recommended to me a while back, but i have yet to listen to it, perhaps on the morrow.

This is the story of the hurricane

2006-04-28T00:17:00.000-06:00

Despite what Matt Kinniburgh thinks, this blog is not about the wrestler formerly known as the hurricane, nor is it about a song by Bob Dylan.

My life has been a whirlwind. I have started my new full time job at Christian Publications, and while it is not overly difficult, i find it rewarding to connect with the shoppers who are looking for a good read, or a gift for someone, or whatever. Most customers are quite friendly and allow salespeople a little bit into thier lives in order to find the right item, and i have enjoyed it. It has been strange though, re-entering the realm of full time employment. After the first could days i felt like it had been years since i had worked a job, but really, it was because i had never worked this kind of job before and the training was an information overload. Anyway, i like my job, though my feet were really sore after yesterdays shift. I never knew being on your feet for eight hours could be so taxing.

After work yesterday i went and saw Death Cab for Cutie live in concert. They put on an awesome show despite a weak venue, and some techinical issues. They were much better then the co-headlining band Franz Ferdinand, who though they were not as bad as i thought they would be, were still not all that great. Death Cab played for just over an hour, and they managed to pack in 15 songs, i would've liked more but hey what can you do? Highlights came when they played the songs "Movie Script Ending", "I'll Follow you into the Dark" and the set closer "Transatlantacism". There were some great moments for me in the live renditions of these songs. It was strange, as much as i enjoyed Death Cab, I found it difficult not to compare the quality of show to the last two concerts i saw before this, which just happend to be Dave Matthews Band and Bob Dylan. In case you don't see what i am getting at, those are two of the tightest most awesome live acts ever, so other bands have a hard time matching up in live performances.

Also for the last month, i have been in the process of moving from the AUC-NUC-CTS-WTF dorms into my new apartment in Brentwood. This has been a mistake, because this slow moving process has made my moving long and drawn out which has not improved the feelings of accomlishment that come from a one day move. I have to be out of the dorm by noon on sunday, so i really oughta get cracking on that stuff. I don't have much left, but what i do have left, i have to move. I've thrown a lot out in this moving process as well- including, clothing, school stuff, notes from girls i used to like (well i actually burned those, a very liberating experiance to say the least) and so on.

Also since i last blogged i finished classes and exams. These were not that eventful. But i did have a celebratory lunch with my mentor from this last year at a greek resturant down in the community of Kensington. It was called Broken Plate, and it was delicious. George and I had a great time, as we did all year.

I'm really tired, but i get the feeling my sleep will not be restful. My friends graduate this weekend, and Matt and Sam are pretty much moving away. Crush my little spirit some more. These last two statements had nothing to do with the first, just to let you know. My neck is sore, i don't know how it happened. Maybe it happened while i was shelving some books in the category of "Women" at Christian Publications. Ps. I know how many club CP points you have....

Embarresing Life Story # 1 Million

2006-04-14T23:27:00.000-06:00

So today was a day. I was walking back from the video store, and the topic of cartwheels somehow came up. Cara and Muffin didn't believe i could do one, but for some weird reason God endowed me with the uncanny and illegitimate ability to actually do a well executed cartwheel. So, i got steady, took aim, and boom, did a beautiful, olympic tumbling level cartwheel. Unfortunatly somewhere in between putting my one hand down and landing on my feet, i pulled a muscle in my neck and shoulder region. So, since that time i have been struggling with actual insane pain and a loss of mobility in that region. How embarresing is that to pull a muscle or several muscles doing a cartwheel.....well, very embaressing. Also, i watched the movie Jarhead. It sucked don't bother with it, you will be disappointed, just like i am with the vancouver canucks. But thats a whole other post.

A Trip North

2006-04-12T21:21:00.000-06:00

My day began at 6:30am. What a terrible time to start a day. Cara and I had an adventure planned. We were going to Edmonton to visit her father who was recovering from a surgery at the Royal Alexandra Hospital in the aforementioned Canadian City.

We had a good day. We talked while we drove, we listened to music, we visited my good friend and faithful blog reader - Carmen, we visited her dad, we stopped at a mall (not West Edmonton thank the sweet merciful Lord), we had a meal with Cara's friend Tina, all in all, it was a pleasent, but exhausting day.

The high point of the day for me came towards the end of the adventure. Cara and I had been discussing spiritual things, like demons, oppression, possession, spiritual gifts, salvation, what a christian, and or a relationship with God can look like. Then we stumbled upon the topic of the differant ways people experiance and view God. What i mean by this, is our life experiance, and our salvation experiance influences the way we experiance and view God. For instance, if we were rescued by God from a horrible experiance like abuse, or addiction, that will change the truths about God that are most emphasized in our view of God. Say for instance again if you will indulge me, if you are someone who grew up without a father, this will impact the way you understand and relate to God, you may see him as the father you never had, or perhaps the imagry of God as father would be so foriegn to you that it actually drives you away from God. You see what I am getting at. I believe there are certain attributes of God that are undeniably true, but in the lives of individual humans, because of our experiances certian attributes are emphasized in our understanding and relationship with God, not to the denial of other truths about God, but emphasized. I don't think this is wrong.

This has led me to consider my own view of God, and straight from the heart to the keyboard here is my unedited, and severely humanly limited view of God. God is the creator and master of all. Nothing is outside his control. God is a loving father, who like loving fathers allows his children to experiance loss, pain, and failure, as to help them grow, and sharpen thier character. He longs to grieve with us in our suffering, and celebrate our joys. God is also the one who gives me purpose. Not just vocationally, but in everything, though i don't always act this way. God is a God of second chances, and not just a second chance at life, but life with a purpose and responsibility. Just what those are particularly we need to learn and test, and pray. He is a God who listens, and exists on a plane that is totally connected to his creation, but is also high above us, his ways are not our ways. He is perfect. He is Holy, and he calls us to be Holy, which is an incredibly difficult task, but one that we must strive for.

I could probably ramble on, but then theological education propoganda begins to take over where the heart leaves off.

Today i bought the latest album by a band called Calexico. I haven't given it a full and direct listen, so i'll have to let you know how it turns out. I will however leave you with two things. 1) A song of the day. "Call and Answer" by the Barenaked Ladies. This is a beautiful slow ballad type song by the Ladies who are Barenaked. It's got a great vibe to it, and it's about a relationship, so you know it's awesome. 2) Think on and discover how you view God, and how that effects the way you live your life, and the way you fulfill the mission he has given you.

I am not president of the Student Council which you know, but my feelings on this subject are mixed and very passionate despite thier mixtedness. Also, i am now an employee of Christian Publications. To learn more, go to this website....... www.christian-pub.com

Peace, Love, and Grace be with you

A Happening Early in the morning

2006-04-08T03:35:00.000-06:00

A Quote

Matt Russell decrees that he will recieve his docterate before Jon Kramer, in contrast to the prophesy in the AUC-NUC Yearbook from 2003-2004.

I respond: "Yeah, but he will be ordained before you!"

He responds: "but that's because he's more spiritual then me....oh wait, don't tell him i said that!"

I retort: "I am going to go and blog that right now!"

And thus you have this blog. Enjoy this confession from the dance floor. What the heck is with me blogging late at night huh? Also, i am not president of the school student council. I am and was disappointed. Oh well.

"I'm finding it hard to believe, we're in Heaven"

2006-04-06T02:51:00.000-06:00

That's right, Bryan Adams is the music of choice tonight. Weird considering i was listening to Norah Jones for the last hour or so as i put the finishing touches on my last major assignment of the year. Anyway, the point is: despite listening to a completely differant musical artist and also using what little brain power i have left to complete a fine research paper on "Community", i was unable to shun Bryan's classic song "Heaven" from my mind. At the end of the day, how bad is that, not that bad at all, unless it was the weird-rave-Z95.3-female vocaled-remix version i heard at this subway one time. Then it would be a bad scene, but no, it was classic, canadian, i don't know the words to the national anthem, Bryan Adams singing sweetly in my mind. Weird.

So tonight was T-Night, or Testosterone Night. It's the one night a year at my school, where men of differant residence floor affiliations come together to crown the T-Cup, to the most manly floor. How do you attain this coveted prize you ask? Well, we use a scoring system based on first, second, and third place finishes in any number of wacky, manliness testing events. In my three previous years of competeing in this event, i was part of two successful T-Cup, T-Night championship floors. It's a good feeling, I have to say. This year, i participated again, but this year i participated with six other guys in a Sylvester Hall reunion team. You see Sylvester Hall was the best residence floor that ever existed since my school left Regina, and we had won the first two T-Nights in Calgary, once while I was there, and once whilst i was on intership in vermilion. You remember those days right? Anyway, this year, due to the lack of enrollment by males who wanted to live in Residence, Sylvester Hall ceased to exist. It sucked. But, a few of us old veterans of the good old days banded together to try and reclaim our title. It was not to be on this fateful night, i'll spare you the anticipation. We came in third, which is not bad all things considered. We had fun, it felt good to be apart of the floor i loved and helped establish as the greatest floor ever. I participated in the event i participate in every year, the Sumo Wrestling Event, and as per usual, i retained my crown. I am dominating in that event, just ask Matt Russell, who i defeated three years ago on the way to capturing my first sumo crown. This one was just as sweet, especially since some people thought that perhaps i was passed my prime. I felt like Dave Andreychuk (sports fans stop reading for a moment, cause you won't get this analogy) who came back, old as he was to lead the Tampa Bay Lightning to thier first Stanley Cup.

The interesting thing about T-Night is that emotions can sometimes run pretty high. Rivalries thought long since dead come out in full force, and contempt you didn't know you had comes flowing out like water from one of those cupid fountains that shoots water out of it....you know what i'm talking about right? Anyway, tonight, that rivalry, and frustration got the best of me, and i said some things and acted in a way, that i regret. Yes, people were discourtious to me first, but i need not have reacted the way i did. I was very rude, and belittling, even making a couple comments that could be seen as hitting below the belt. Anyway, I feel bad, and i thought i would tell you, cause i've already told the guys on my floor that i regret how i acted and that, i embarressed us by acting so poorly. I wasn't being a poor loser, i was just responding to rudeness and malcontent with equal or more then equal levels of rudeness and malcontendedness. If that makes sense. So yeah. Don't let anger get ahold of you and make you say and do things that are stupid, you will only regret it later....that is unless of course you don't have a concious, and then i guess you could probably get away with it.

In other news, i lost the election. (oh wait, thats supposed to be a secret...oh well, by the time you read this, it might not matter anyway) What's interesting is, i lost it by an 8% margin, and i would've had to lose by a 10% margin for a winner to be declared. So the re-vote is tomorrow, and this time, only CBC students can vote on this one. So, my future will take a big turn tomorrow, so stay tuned for new information regarding my possible presidency. The church calls have stopped, sorry about Maple Ridge Kyle, even if i don't become SRC Prez, i have had a real sense of peace from God about staying here for the next year, so we shall see where that takes me besides far away from great church job offers. Speaking of great church job offers, i have an interview at Christian Publications this friday, that would be nice for me depending on two things. Full time work, and 11 dollars an hour or more.

Anyway, thats about it for now, i should hit the sack, the tylenol i took is actually kicking in, which i find hard to believe given my most recent interactions with the drug have seemed fruitless. If you want to hear a great song, listen to "Heaven" by Bryan Adams. I know it's 80's Canadian Pop-Rock, but it's a wonderful song regardless...besides, he probably didn't actually write it, he's kind of a weiner that way. Peace.....Love, Joy, Patience, Kindness, Goodness, Self Control, Gentleness, and Faithfulness (those are the fruits of the spirit, you can read about them in Galatians 5....i remembered the first seven of them, but then i had to get Matt Russell to remind me of the last two, he said he knew them cause they were the theme of a day camp he ran one time, but i think it's cause he still studies his accreditation notes, i mean, it was the theme of a Vacation Bible School i worked at one time, and i still forgot two of them, oh well, i guess it is 3:19 in the morning, i could cut myself some slack this time....and so could you, you judgemental pharisees!.....I'm sorry, i didn't mean that last part, sometimes, i just get soooo mad)

A True Story or Two

2006-03-30T15:20:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was Wednesday. What that means for me is that i have to arise at the ungodly hour of 7am in order to make it to my 8:15 class. Yesterday (Wednesday) Morning, I woke to my alarm, and felt especially exhausted and had very, very, very little desire to get out of bed. So i lay there for a good ten minutes listening to the news on the radio before my phone rang. The love of my life was calling, and she had some information for me. She told me what she needed to, and then we went on with our days seperatly. I headed for the shower, and she headed for, well i don't know, cause i wasn't there. After i emerged from the shower, i dried myself and began the re-clothification process. I noticed that my boxer-briefs felt a little uncomfortable, but didn't notice it too much, continued with the process and scurried off to school with Green Day blasting in my ears. I attended a class that was a waste of my time, and then headed home for an hour before i had to be at chapel. Upon returning home i felt the need to visit the john and do my natural business. As i made the journey and began the process i noticed that my boxers were on backwards. I really felt like an idiot. So, I fixed it, and proceeded to keep it to myself until now. I have shared my shame with you.

In other news, i have cast my ballot, and made my speech to possibly serve as student coucil presidant for the next school year. This is exciting, but also nerve wracking because if i win, i will be forthwith committed to the city of Calgary until May of next year. Scary, especially considering that Churches are calling, and emailing me. It's been really tough to watch my friends start the process of finding a church, and having to sit and wait, but it's been even more tough to start hearing from churches and say no to them. It's a little scary, and i know that people have told me that it isn't bad to say no, or anything like that, but I feel a little like, the more i say no, the less churches are going to want to talk to me. Even though i know this isn't true, it's still a uncomfortable feeling that exists in the pit of my stomach. So far, i have been contacted by Churches in Bonnyville, Sherwood Park, and now Maple Ridge, and so far, i have had to tell them all no. I hope i'm doing the right thing.

Weddings

2006-03-28T14:29:00.000-07:00

So, I have recently begun to contribute to the actual planning of my wedding which is allegedly supposed to take place sometime this summer. My work has consisted of finding a disc jockey to have at our dance. This has been difficult because, all of the local DJ's are booked for that weekend. Then i had to spread my net to include some DJ's from farther away, which essentially turned out to mean that they were twice as expensive. Having limited funds with which to work, and knowing the essentialness of having a disc jockey run the musical show that is our dance, i found myself in a pickle.

let's pause for a moment and consider the image of "being in a pickle" and how, that actually would be a terribly frightening thing to actually be "in a pickle"

Eventually, i found someone who was reasonable priced, but now i am praying that his "resonable price" does not indicate his "less then reasonable skill and quality". I guess we shall see, and by we, i mean we considering that most of the people that i think read this blog will be at my wedding, say for a person or two who may have decided to go overseas at the time. Anyway, the fact is, i have done very little actual planning of my wedding. I have had input on some descisions, and i even helped put the invitations together....kind of (Cara made them, i was allowed to put them in envelopes), but as far as anything else my participation has been minimal, which i think is the norm when it comes to planning the wedding. The other thing i have had to do is arrange for the suits for myself and the groomsman, which was no problem at all, except now, i want to bring them all in together to get measured while we are still here in Calgary together. The other and so far final responsibility of mine involves the catering. I have a contact from my interning church who is a fantastic caterer, and we are using him, but i just need to go over the details and so on with him.

All in all, i think you would agree with me, that i have done very little in the grand scheme of things. But from what little i have had to do, i have come to realize and appreciate, just how much work, and how much money it is to create and execute a half decent wedding. So, if any of you are considering getting married soon, i highly recommend that you be prepared in whatever way you can for the stresses (and joys) of planning a wedding.

Those of you thinking about getting married, don't take this the wrong way, i am not trying to discourage you from getting married, i am so incredibly happy to be getting hitched to the woman i love, but the actual planning stages can be overwhelming sometimes.

If you want to listen to a good song today, i recommend the song "Extraordinary" by Joel Plaskett Emergancy. It's from his record "Truthfully, Truthfully". I listened to this record as i walked to school today, and found it to be quite enjoyable overall. I hadn't listened to it much, since i recieved it many months ao from my good friend and colleuge Tim Houghton, but now have had the pleasure to give it a close listen and found it to be excellent. Anyway, should you feel like enjoying a piece of music, check out "Extraordinary" by Joel Plaskett.

The As-Of-Yet Untold Story of Youth Conferance 06

2006-03-24T09:16:00.000-07:00

Hey teens. Here is a recounting of the tale of Youth Conferance 06 from my perspective. Hope it's at least interesting to you.

Youth Conferance started a week ago today. In the weeks leading up to that point I had not been excited or overly anticipitory regarding the event that i love so much. This is strange because in past years, i have been so excited for youth conferance in the weeks leading up to it, that i was pretty much willing to wet myself to make it come faster. This year it just came, with no buildup, no excitment, which was making me disappointed because i was aware of the lack of excitment.

Last Friday Morning (which was St. Patricks Day by the by) I woke up and was finally excited. The speaker (Warren Reeve) was speaking in chapel, i had errands to run, The Conferance Center was being set up, delegates would be arriving soon, finally, it was here and so was my excitement.

My excitment soon turned to fatigue as i awaited the arrival of my friends from both North Vancouver and Vermilion. I didn't go into the first rally because i wanted to wait and greet my friends from the aformentioned locations. So i helped man the registration booth, in hopes that i would be able to be there when my friends arrived, and i was. Interestingly enough i had to wait a very long time for both groups to show up, in fact Vermilion was the last group to arrive, and didn't show up until the middle of the first rally. I felt bad for them, because they missed some of the conferance, but hey, what are you gonna do, i was just glad to have them in Calgary safe and sound. Once everyone was settled in, the conferance continued and finished that night around nine pm. The Vermilionairres and I went out for Tim Hortons, and then back to the dorm where they would be hosted by myself and my sister, gender respectivly. We didn't stay up to late, and made our way to bed pretty quick knowing that the morning would come sooner then any of really wanted.

The morning did come, and i met up with a quad of people to head up early and spend time in prayer for the conferance. (in case you didn't know my job was to praym as i was on the prayer sub-committee) We showed up, gathered all the prayer people together and began to share and pray. I was feeling out of sorts, slightly disconnected from the atmosphere of prayer, but i chalked (props to Sarah Chalke) it up to being really tired from the day before. Then the rally came and i couldn't connect in worship, still i chalked it up to ultra fatigue, and i spent most of the rally outside speaking with a friend who had recently and suprisingly been dumped by his woman. He was broken, and I was broken on his behalf, i just felt horrible for him, and i felt fine about skipping out on the rally to spend time talking to him and listening to his hurts and confusions.

The day rolled on, and i didn't have much to do. So, i visited with my former mentor, the impeccable Kyle Keller. We visited, talked about church, life, relationships, and the regular things we talk about when ever we see each other. I spent most of the afternoon wandering, and visiting whenever i found someone worth visiting with.

Before the third rally, it was my job to lead prayer with the worship team and speaker, so i headed backstage and began a time of prayer, during with i felt distracted and even agitated. I was especially agitated by the ruckus being caused by the people in the next room, who were ignorant of the spiritual things going on in the next room. Someone went over and asked them to be quiet, but they continued to be loud and obnoxious, and i went over immeadiatly and lost it on them, i was totally condescending and rude and angry, and that was like the TSN Turning Point for me. I just wanted to go home, i was so mortified with my actions. I was ashamed and frustrated for a number of reasons, and took it out on these people who didn't deserve to be treated the way i treated them. Thankfully, i was able to humble myself enough to go and immeadiatly apologize to the people i was directly rude to, and they were forgiving. This was the ultimate in humiliation for me, not the apologizing, but the act itself, i knew something was wrong with me, and i didn't know how to fix it.

The third rally, and second one of the saturday came and went, with me feeling continually and regularly disconnected from prayer, worship and the community that was created in both. I really can't explain it any more then that, it's like my prayer team was all plugged in to the outlet that was God, who was feeding them electricity and in more human terms the ability to hear from him, and speak to him and worship him, and i felt like someone unplugged me and forgot to plug me back in. I was feeling really strange about it, it was causing me to be depressed and frustrated, and jealous of my teammates who were praying and worshipping and really seeing God at work in thier midst. I left the conferance that night feeling spiritually drained and quite lonely. Sleep came fairly quickly Saturday evening, once again knowing that life and morning would come much sooner then i wanted it to.

Sunday Morning came without a shower. But that was ok, because i had showered the evening before, knowing full well that there would be no hot water if i attempted to do it in the morining. I put my clothes on, and met up with my quad of people again travelling in the Catherine Davis-mobile. We arrived and went right to prayer, ok thats not true, i remember i really had to use the facilities, and i did that before we started praying. The i met up with the team, prayer began and i continued to feel distracted and disconnected, and by this point i had had enough. I just wanted to quit and go home, but insstead i went and found Connie my team leader. I explained to Connie how i was feeling, and the things that were going on with me, she said she had noticed, and then she and another leader prayed aggresivly for me, in the name of Jesus commanding the darkness, the oppression, the evil that was clouding me to leave. I was a little embarresed to be honest, because Connie was so loud that i figured people assumed she was performing an exorcism on me. I denied these thoughts because i knew they were an attempt by the enemy to keep me from experiancing freedom and healing.

After Connie prayed I felt plugged back in. It was a struggle as if, the enemy was trying to pull me back out of the socket, feeding me lies, telling me that i was not forgiven, that i could not talk to God, and that i was evil, and all these things, and i just needed to rebuke these lies and not give them any foothold in my life, which was not easy. But God and I powered through it, and we were able to overcome it, and i plugged back into worship, prayer, and community. Praise God

One of the things that had been on the heart of our prayer councellors and leaders had been God using us and our spiritual gifts to defeat the enemy. I didn't know how i was going to fit into this, people were displaying gifts in the area of vision, prophesy, intersessory prayer and other things, and i just didn't see myself fitting in.

The final rally came, and the fight was on. The first experiance was the deployment of our prayer councellors, but that was delayed by three things. First, there were people giving testimonies in the rally who felt very under attack and we were trying to find them and pray with them, second, our pre-rally prayer time had run late, and third, two of our main leaders were dealing with some personal attacks, but we couldn't wait anymore for them, so i took the rest of our team and got them in place, and the rally began.

The next attack was on our team leader, Connie, who as i came close to her was shaking and crying and was definitly feeling the attack of the enemy. Three of us gathered around and began to rebuke the enemy, taking authority over them in the name of Jesus, it was so intense, because i had the opportunity and neccesity to prayer over Connie the same way she had prayed for me that morning. That situation came under control, but next was the co-ordination of the efforts and spiritual sense of our prayer councellors, which i took it upon myself to take care of. I realized it later, but this was God's way of using my spiritual gift of leadership, to take initiative and organize and co-ordiante the efforts of our prayer councellors. And not to puff myself up, but God lead me, used me, and was able to make his presence and Glory known through how he worked in me and through our team as we all made ourselves available to be used by him for his glory.

God took the victory. All Praise is Due Him.

After the rally, things settled down for about five minutes until the pizza party, and then things went wild again, but not in the spiritual way, more the goofy having fun way. The Vermilionairres and I returned back to the dorm, we hung out for a bit and then hit the sack.

In the morning, they loaded up and went home, although, thier loading up was not complete as Kyle left some personal items at my home. I went to a meeting at 10:30 am, was home by 11:11am, and then slept until 5pm. It was quite the weekend.

Props to you if you actually managed to read this entire post.

If you had no feet would you still wear socks?

2006-03-16T12:26:00.000-07:00

The title has nothing to do with the blog...

Top Five Reasons that TV Show on DVD is the greatest invention ever

1. No waiting week to week
2. You will never miss an episode
3. You can Watch Marathons of TV shows without waiting for the network to appease your desire for eight consecutive episodes in a row
4. The telephone and Internet aren't that cool anyway
5. Cause TV shows on VHS never took off.

My Current Top Five TV Shows on DVD

1. 24
2. Scrubs
3. Smallville
4. The Cosby Show
5. Lost

in case you were wondering, i recently began watching the television show "24" on DVD, i have finished season one and have gotten six episodes in to season 2. This is one amazing show, and i can't imagine having to wait a week or more (stupid tv season breaks) to watch the next episode of this show. It's that amazing. Check it out.

It's Rush Hour

2006-03-06T18:21:00.000-07:00

Last night I had a dream. I woke from it with a start, because it was confusing, and for a few moments i was convinced that these things in my dream had actually happened. It was distressing, as dreams can be, and all thats left of it in my mind is bits and pieces, images and flashbacks to scattered images and emotions. So here it is.

JON KRAMER IS DEAD.

I find myself at some sort of service, or after service gathering sitting with his wife Kim, comforting her, trying to piece together the details of what happened.

He died in a horrible Car wreck, and it was so bad, his body was basically torn in two and scattered in a bloody, pulpy, mess down the road for about 4 city blocks.

and the next thing i remember is actually very strange.

JON was alive, and so then i was confused, and i thought, was it Kim who died? but no, JON KRAMER WAS DEAD, but was no alive as if this previous part of the dream never happened.

Then i was comforting my friend Colin Turner, he was a wreck, as if his wife had died, but that was never stated or even really implictily implied, but he was weeping and with the snot and so on.

Why am I dreaming about these people? I don't know. Maybe cause i check Jon's blog and it hasn't been updated in a while, and i feel like he's dead in my sub-concious. Colin? I don't know, i haven't seen Colin since last week and we only spent about 20 minutes together, although i did watch him play a soccer game on Friday afternoon. Who knows.

Why am i dreaming about death? My dad's uncle (so it would be my great uncle) passed away very early Thursday morning, and so my parents flew out and the funeral service was actually today. So it makes sense that death would be in my dream, but anyway, i just wanted to share that with you all, cause it shows once again how interesting dreams can be, and also it shows how i am incredibly fascinated by dreams. If i wasn't being a pastor, i would be a scientist who studies dreams and that sort of thing. Anyway, it was a lovely service, and a wonderful time of visiting and re-connecting with family.

I feel like i actually had more to share with you, like some little nugget of substance, but apperantly not, just a morbid dream. Maybe it will come to me later.

Song of the day: Peaceful Valley - Ryan Adams and the Cardinals. I know i used these guys alot back in January and December and so on, but this is the currently playing song on my MP3 player, and so it has become the song of the day, and it is about death and heaven and stuff, so it at least has some connection to my thoughts and meanderings.

Oh i think i wanted to talk about my hero complex....maybe some other time.

ps. all the graphic stuff about Jon Kramer's death in my dream was false. I dreamed he died in a car accident, but when i told Matt Russell about it, he suggested i include some graphic details for Jon's amusement.

WWJMD? (What Would Jon Morrison Do?)

2006-03-01T20:44:00.000-07:00

So last night i had an interesting experiance.
All Day, I hung out with Cara, no that's not the interesting experiance to which i refer, this experiance came as i made my way home. Cara dropped me off at the Brentwood C-Train station here in Calgary, and i made my way up the long flight of stairs, only to see the train coming toward the station at a rapid pace. Despite the fact that my bladder was full beyond recognition i set out at a solid canter in order to make this train and not have to wait 15 minutes in the blinding cold. By the grace of God, I was able not only to make the train, but i was also able to not wet myself doing so. So, i hobbled onto the train, the first door on the front car, and upon entering, i was dismayed to notice someone lying on the ground, motionless, and reeking of mouthwash. I stepped over this man, went down the car, and sat down, as i myself was out of breath and was in no mood to deal with this inconvienance. I put my headphones on, and watched as the passengers around me all discussed the man who was lying on the floor no more then 15 feet away. The thing you have to understand about the c-train at this time of year is that the floor of it is absolutly soaked. It's like a lake of wetness from the melting snow and slush of the many passengers who ride the train all day, and this man was lying smack dab in it. Back to me. I sat, and kept looking at him, trying to ignore the thoughts that were invading my heart. "What would Jesus do?" (cliche i know), "What would Jesus say to this man?" "Why aren't you helping this man?", "Go and talk to him", "Be Christ to this man", "Just ask him if he needs your help", "What would Jesus do?".
Seriously, there was a battle in my heart, and my mind, a battle of the spirit versus my fear and pride. I took out my headphones, put them away, and walked down toward the place where the man was passed out. I waited a minute when i got down there, because there were so many people around, and i didn't know why, but i wanted less people to be around. I walked over, poked the man in the arm and asked him if he was alright. There was no movement, and no responce, i lingered for a moment, waiting, but there was nothing, so i left him. I went back to where i was standing, and a couple people asked me if he was alright, if he said anything, and i said no. I got the feeling that there were a few people who wanted to check the man, maybe talk to him, but didn't have the courage. I guess i was expecting something huge, like i would look at him, all Jesus like and tell him to go and sin no more, and he would be fine, and he would become a christian, and so on, and i wasn't expecting this because i wanted to be glorified, but because i felt that i was following the leading of the Spirit and i figured if the Spirit was leading me to do something so out of my comfort zone, that something big would happen, but it didn't. My stop came up, and i hopped off the train, walked home and thought. Thought about how i was happy that i was actually able to obey the Spirit, and even though, there didn't seem to be much of a result, the fact that i actually went and did it was an encouragement to me, and left me feeling good about hearing God and obeying him. The other thing i thought about was my fear to do this publicly and how ridiculous that must've seemed to Christ, who never waited to be alone with the lepers and the demon possesed, and the crippled, and the drunks, and the social outcasts. He didn't wait for what i would call an ideal situation, he took people as they were, and loved them, healed them, spoke truth and grace into thier lives and didn't wait until he could get them alone, because ministry doesn't happen on your own, or more specifically my own terms.
I guess that's about it. I have no profound summing up for you, it was an interesting experiance for me, because where i would usually feel contempt for people in this situation and frustrated at the lack of social programs that seemed to deal with these people and keep them out of my face, i was filled with compassion, which i believe was from God and God alone, cause i usually don't care about people like that.

Song of the day is "The Sound of Settling" by Death Cab for Cutie. It was in my head earlier and i was singing part of it out loud. You know the part that goes "Ba Baa, this is the sound of settling, Ba Baa, Ba Baa". Check it out.

ps. Howie Mandel is on TV, he is dumb, he shouldn't be on TV.
pps. i know i used Jon Morrison's name in my blog title, and that he had nothing to do with this blog, but i just couldn't bring myself to title the blog "WWJD?" so "WWJMD?" was the next best thing, plus i saw him today, and he still has this bed i loaned to him two years ago, so it seemed appropriatly innapropriate.

Sucrose, Sodium, Salivating-Salvation

2006-02-28T12:27:00.000-07:00

Ok, well I'm back.
I had a great 9 days spent up in vermilion, saw some friends, did some homework, but mostly took time to cherish and enjoy what little time i get to spend with Cara. She went to school during the day which left me to play copius amounts of Civilizations 2, and read large quantities of books. For instance I finished reading a book my friend Tim Houghton lent me, called "Microserfs" by Douglas Coupland. It was an enjoyable read, especially because it wasn't school related. I need some books being read on the side to keep me fresh and happy. I have spent quite a bit of time this semester investing time in reading simply for pleasures sake, which is something that up until now, i have never really been able to manage in my academic career. It has really been good, and also puts my time towards something slightly more useful then watching movies and playing video games, though i don't deny the usefulness of those two past-times. One other book i read while i was in vermilion was called "Man in Black" and it was Johnny Cash's first autobiography. There was not a great deal of new information for me in the book, being a big fan of Mr. Cash's I am well aware of many of the circumstances of his life, but hearing the same stories and so on from the perspective of Johnny Cash was enjoyable to say the least. Johnny told the story of his life through hymns, and spiritual songs, and with the whole purpose of the story showing God's faithfullness and love to a messed up human, who was running, or at least ignoring God. I appreciated the honesty with which Johnny Cash told his story, and i appreciated the focus with which he told it, to the Glory of God. Anyway, just thought i would check in, before i am innundated with people who want to talk to me and classes that want me to attend them. Have a good one, read a book, take a break.
Stay Fit and Have Fun

Song of the day: "Pour Some Sugar on Me" by Def Leppard. Yesterday, when Cara and I were driving around doing wedding stuff, this some came on the radio. It was awesome, until Cara told me she hates that kind of music....oh well, you can't win 'em all, but you should check out this song, just in case you do like this kind of music.

Goodbye Yellow Brick Road

2006-02-17T15:58:00.000-07:00

So,
It's time for me to go.
Not in a fatalistic way,
or a way that would include
purposefully ending my own
life.
But in a way
that refers to the leaving of one's
current city or residance, and
implies
the arrival of said person
in a town or city
differant from the one which
the person is
leaving.
This may hamper my blogging,
and by hamper I don't mean
make my blogging
worse
then it already is.
I simly am referring to the
consistancy with which i
try to blog for
you.
If I were to choose
to have you listen to one
piece of music
that i think is good
today
it would have to
be a song by the band
Matchbox 20, because when i went
to the bank, i heard their song
unwell.
It was nice
it was better then any song
by Madonna that i have heard
but not better then any song
by Michael Jackson:for instance
Billie Jean.
I am leaving now
parting is
such sweet
sorrow.

Neck-Meat

2006-02-14T15:54:00.000-07:00

Today in my poetry class, I had to write a paraphrase of a poem from our book, removing all the metaphors and simile within.

This is the original

http://dreamweaversweb.com/dream/rose.html

This is my version. Compare and Contrast, but most importantly, enjoy.

My love is new
My love is nice to hear
You are physically attractive, my good female.
I really, really love this person
I will continue loving this person, until something seemingly
impossible happens.
till something seemingly impossible happens, my dear
and even to the end of earths existance as we
know it
and I will continue to love you, my dear
all the days of my life
I hope everything goes alright for you, you are the only person that i love
I hope everything goes alright for you, for a period of time
I will return to you, person that I love
I'm gonna be far away.

song of the day: Best of You - by the Foo Fighters. It's awesome. Check it out, if you are in the mood for a real rocker.

ps. Happy Valentines Day

Pink Floyd

2006-02-10T21:37:00.000-07:00

Money....or lack there of, is the root of all dissatisfaction, and fear/uncertainty.

Song of the Day: Satisfaction by the Rolling Stones...you know the drill

You'll Never Get Anywhere.....

2006-02-09T10:54:00.000-07:00

On Raw Talent Alone.

I had this revelation last night. I was asked to organize a floor meeting where our brothers would compete against each other in a wrestling tournament to determine the wrestling champ of our floor. Now, I am just about as tough and smart in wrestling as any guy in the rez, and i proved that last night. I knew how to get my opponents to break submission holds, i knew how to wait for the right opportunity to slam my opponent, i have the strength to pick up every guy on the floor and slam them down. All this being said, I didn't win the tournament. I first wrestled a smaller, but incredibly buff, and martial arts expert in Duc. That was probably my best match ever. He is small, but strong, and knows how to make people tap out. But i was able to avoid and such situations, I was able to use my weight to an advantage, and after a gruelling near 10 minute match, i forced him to give out. Now, the truth is, these wrestling matches can be brutal. When it's over, whether you win or you lose, you are generally pretty sore, and out of breath. I am more so out of breath because I am fat. So the match with Duc was long and arduous but i came out with a victory. Then i had to wait for the next round to begin, where i was scheduled to fight a young man named Andrew. He didn't take as long as Duc, but i did have to slam him hard a few times and then cause him to submit. So, I Was into the third of a fourth possible round, where i now had to face Matt Russell, in what would be known as a T-Night Rematch from 2003 in Regina. Now, no offence to Matt, but I could beat him. I'm stronger, I have more wrestling know-how, and just in general, I can beat him. But by this point, I was tired, and had lost my ambition to work really hard for a victory. So, Matt Russell, ran circles around me and I wrestled a defensive style that seemed to work, and I almost got him into a perfect submission hold that would've vaulted me all the way to the finals, but alas. He got me down, I tried to fight it, but by this point, i had no strength left, and he pinned me. So, I lost a match, that i would've almost certainly won, had it not been my third match of the night. This is to prove that, I can't get by on my raw strength alone. I need discipline, and practise, and endurance, to be able to do anything where i have a raw, untapped skill.

I actually had a realization like this many years ago whilst i was still in High School. I was in Choir, and I was a boy (still am a boy, well actually a man, but you know what i mean). Anyway, I am a good singer. Not American Idol good (though my aunt thinks so), but good. Once again, i have raw talent, which means, i have to ability without practising to be a better singer then the average person. When I was in Choir, my disgusting choir teacher, challenged me to go farther. To develop my talents, to work hard at them, and see where they would take me. Partially because I didn't want to pursue a career in music, and partially because i wanted to piss him off, i worked even less hard at choir and music.

So basically, all i want you to know is that if you have a talent or skill, and you want to show and use it, you won't get very far unless you work hard to hone it and develop it. (Sound Familier Spiritual Gift People!?)

Song of the Day is "Flight Recorder from Viking 7" by Matthew Good Band. This song is off one of the limited edition E.P's, but it also appears on disc two of the recent greatest hits release by the band. It is an amazing song that features wonderful back-up vocals, by Holly McNarland.
If y'all got the means and or the desire, i implore you to explore not only your talents and God given gifts, but also this song.

Goodbye